Ryan Reynolds credited as playing...
Wade Wilson • Deadpool • Nicepool
- Elliot Chipman: Holy shit. That's Deadpool.
- Kevin Chipman: And that's Wolverine.
- Deadpool: You're damn straight it is. Fox killed him. Disney brought him back. They're gonna make him do this till he's 90.
- [last lines]
- Deadpool: [in the TVA] I'm tired of these absolutely vile rumors that I got Johnny killed. Let's look at the tape.
- Johnny Storm: [on a recording from Cassandra's transport convoy] In the Void, you're either food for Alioth or you work for her.
- Deadpool: Go on, Johnny.
- Johnny Storm: And I'll tell you who 'her' is: Cassandra Nova. A megalomaniacal, psychotic asshole. A finger-licking, dead-inside pixie slab of third-rate dime-store nut milk. And I'll tell you what she can do.
- Deadpool: I'm listening.
- Johnny Storm: She can lick my goddamn cinnamon ring clean and kick rocks all the way to bald hell. In fact, I don't give a shit if she removes all my skin and pops me like some nightmarish blood balloon. If the last thing I do in this godforsaken cum-gutter existence is light that fuck-box on fire, I still won't die happy!
- Deadpool: [laughing] Holy shit, girl. You crazy.
- Johnny Storm: That's right, Wade. I won't be happy until I've urinated on her freshly barbecued corpse and husk-fucked the charred remains while gargling Juggernaut's juggernuts.
- Deadpool: Wow!
- Johnny Storm: And you can quote me.
- Deadpool: 'Kay.
- [back in the TVA, Wade closes Paradox's TemPad]
- Deadpool: Got you, fuckface.
- Wolverine: You know what? You're a fucking joke. No wonder the Avengers didn't take you. Or the X-Men, and they'll take fucking anyone. I mean, you are a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron. I have never met a sadder, more attention-starved, jabbering little prick in my entire life, and that says a lot 'cause I've been alive for more than 200 fucking years. And I'll tell you, that bald chick was right about one thing: you will never save the world! You couldn't even save a relationship with a goddamn stripper! And motherfucker, I wish I could say you'd die alone, but it's one of God's best jokes that you can't die, except that's on ALL OF US! Oh, you got nothing to say, Mouth?
- Deadpool: [quietly after a short pause] I'm gonna fight you now.
- Wolverine: [laughing] Oh, are you?
- [Deadpool punches him in the face, leaving a bloody nose]
- Deadpool: [excitedly] Oh, my God. HE'S GONNA SAY IT!
- Logan: [confused] Say what?
- Deadpool: AVENGERS ASSEM...
- Johnny Storm: FLAME ON!
- Deadpool: Sorry, what now?
- Minuteman Leader: You sick fuck! Logan was a hero. And the only thing worth of shit to ever come out of Canada.
- Deadpool: Get my country's name out of your fuckin' mouth. And my sword. Gimme that.
- Deadpool: Hey, do not insult this animal's autonomy. She can decide who her papa is. What's it gonna be, girl, huh? Original recipe or Van Milder here?
- Nicepool: Ah, that's funny. I can gently tap the fourth wall too.
- [looks at camera]
- Nicepool: The Proposal.
- Deadpool: The fuck was that? Bitch, you think that's what I do?
- Deadpool: Look, we know the title of this thing so I know what you're wondering: how are we gonna do this without dishonoring Logan's memory? Well, I'll tell you how. We're not.
- Deadpool: You know, from behind you look a little bit like Henry...
- [looks at a Wolverine variant]
- Deadpool: OH, MY FUCK! The Cavillrine. The legends are true. And may I say sir, on behalf of all of humanity, this just feels right! We'll treat you so much better than those shitfucks down the street!
- The Cavillrine: You were just leavin'.
- Deadpool: No, sir. Not while the fate of my universe is at...
- [Cavillrine knocks Wade into TVA Portal]
- [after Deadpool spears a TVA Agent in the crotch with Wolverine's adamantium claws]
- TVA Agent: Make it stop!
- Wade Wilson: Mangold tried!