Mississippi River Sharks

Right, well we all know what we are in for when we sit down to watch a movie such as "Mississippi River Sharks". I mean, just look at the DVD cover and you already know what it is going to be like.

But still, there is that little voice at the far, far back of your mind that beckons and compels you to sit down and watch it, on the slightest of hopes that this might actually turn out to be a good shark movie.

It wasn't!

"Mississippi River Sharks" was impeded by an overly predictable storyline, which was, in fact, so predictable that even a blind and deaf person would be able to foresee what would happen next. Yep, it was that predictable. And that meant that there were absolutely no surprises or twists or turns along the progression of the movie.

The CGI effects in "Mississippi River Sharks" was downright abysmal and laughable at best. Not once did they manage to make it look realistic, and that just made it impossible to take it the least bit serious.

For a movie in the killer shark genre, or whatever you classify the shark movies as, then "Mississippi River Sharks" was a very generic and mundane addition to the genre, and it offered absolutely nothing new to the genre.

The cast was adequate, taking into consideration the type of movie and its budget size. You had Jason London and Jeremy London in the movie, which should be enough of an indicator of what you are in for here.

If you enjoy shark movies, then I strongly suggest that you sink your jaws, wink wink, into another movie, because "Mississippi River Sharks" is really not worth the time or effort.

Watching Mississippi River Shark is like subjecting yourself to the worst kind of cinematic torture. The movie's budget must have been no more than a few dollars, because the special effects are laughably awful. The sharks look like something straight out of a cheap video game from the early 2000s, and they barely move in any way that resembles real life. The acting is so wooden that I wouldn't be surprised if they cast random people off the street.

The plot? Don't even bother trying to make sense of it. It's as if the writers didn't care about making anything even remotely believable. Sharks in the Mississippi River? Really? Everyone involved in this movie seems to have completely given up on logic or quality. It's an embarrassing attempt at a creature feature that fails on every level. Save yourself the headache and skip this disaster.

While not amazing for script, acting or effects....it's fun no thought movie... enjoyable popcorn film. Don't expect jaws or even deep blue sea level quality...no high expectations.

I've been a fan of Misty Talley's works for a while now, and "Mississippi River Sharks" is another feather in her cap. The romantic subplot between Tara and her high school sweetheart, Eric, is touching and reminiscent of old flames many of us have experienced. Talley has a knack for presenting romance that resonates.

One of the standout aspects of this film is Talley's representation of strong female leads. Perhaps her perspective as a female director adds an authentic touch, making these characters both relatable and empowering.

But what truly had me grinning from ear to ear was the film-within-a-film concept. "Shark Bite", starring Jason London, is a delightful jest at cinematic clichés. Those parody subtitles, like "Shark Bite 2: Sharks in the Ozarks" and "Shark Bite 3: Prawn of the Dead", are just the kind of tongue-in-cheek humor I adore. It's a playful nod to film enthusiasts, making it a treat for casual viewers and movie buffs alike.

Here's hoping Talley might consider expanding on "Shark Bite" in the future. I, for one, would be front and center, popcorn in hand.

RELEASED TO TV IN 2017 and directed by Misty Talley, "Mississippi River Sharks" details events in Mississippi when several sharks travel up the river looking for a new food source and threaten people at a fish rodeo.

Some of these TV shark-attack flicks take the serious route (e.g. 2009's "Malibu Shark Attack") while others shoot for campy amusement (e.g. 2012's "Jersey Shore Shark Attack). "Mississippi River Sharks" takes the latter approach. Thankfully, it's not all goofy; there's some serious drama thrown into the mix, like the blossoming romance between Tara (Cassie Steele) and the black dude (Tahj Vaughans), as well as issues with her dad (Miles Doleac). Jason London plays himself as the star of the fictitious B-movie franchise "Shark Bite," although he wasn't in "Shark Bite 3" (lol).

The meshing of silly comedy and cartoony gore with serious drama offers a mixed experience. It's entertaining to a degree, but you can't take it serious. The presence of Cassie Steele and cutie Ashton Leigh (in the prologue & epilogue) are never milked for their potential. The movie's likable, but overlong at only about 87 minutes. The weak final act drags.

THE MOVIE WAS SHOT IN Ocean Springs, Mississippi, with studio work done in New Orleans. WRITER: Marcy Holland. ADDITIONAL CAST: Dean J. West plays one of the three main protagonists while Michelle West appears as a pesky, but perky reporter.

GRADE: C