Pete Holmes credited as playing...
Self
- Pete Holmes: I mostly do faces and sounds. That kind of what it is - that's what I do. Yeah. Comedy doesn't have to be hard.
- Pete Holmes: You are right to groan. That is a terrible joke, but it's the only joke tonight that you'll remember.
- Pete Holmes: If you're not laughing, you're not picturing a fully-grown naked man, but instead of an erection he has a yellow stick of butter.
- Pete Holmes: So weird to have this flesh spear jutting out from your body, that's you, but it's also not you. Like it has it's own suggestions like: "Let's go to the beach and leer!"
- Pete Holmes: I'm so tired of men being painted as these thoughtless grunts that are like: "Sex is available!" - - followed by grunting, screaming, and humping into the air.
- Pete Holmes: Not all men like strip clubs. I have glitter on my face. Guys were like: "I know where you were." "Yeah? I was making crafts."
- Pete Holmes: Ever clicked on something weird and take in a moment to be grateful that you're not aroused?