Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter

The VCR Illumination

Leonard Hofstadter

Penny: Okay, Sheldon and Amy are still pretty upset about their theory being disproved.
Leonard Hofstadter: So we have made a list of subjects for everyone to avoid.
Penny: Symmetry.
Leonard Hofstadter: Asymmetry.
Penny: Oh, "Sim City". Sounds too much like symmetry.
Leonard Hofstadter: That also applies to "The Simpsons", Simba from "The Lion King" and cymbals.
Penny: Russia or Russian in any context. The country, the dressing, the roulette.
Leonard Hofstadter: Uh, also, no talk of "Rocky IV".
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Why "Rocky IV"?
Howard Wolowitz: Because he fights a Russian.
[to Penny and Leonard]
Howard Wolowitz: I'm sorry about her.

Penny: Ever since his paper got disproven, he's been a wreck. He's been sad and... and angry. He just seems kind of broken.
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: Well, it sounds like he may be grieving.
Penny: Really? Over a theory?
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: Of course. You can grieve over any emotional loss. The more you care about something, the greater the trauma of losing it.
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, boy. He cared about this a lot.
Penny: Yeah. What can we do to help him?
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: Well, grieving is a process. Every culture has its own rituals and traditions to facilitate mourning. The ancient Egyptians had their mummification, the Tibetans had their sky funerals...
Leonard Hofstadter: And when I was little and my dog died, my mom sat me down and very gently told me that she wished the truck had hit my dad instead.
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: I was trying to lighten the mood. Your dog had just died.

Amy Farrah Fowler: He's re-thinking everything. How long is it gonna be before he gets to me?
Penny: [sympathetic] Oh...
Leonard Hofstadter: It's that bad, huh?
Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm afraid so. I just... I don't know what to do.
Leonard Hofstadter: I have something that might help. It's... it's a recording of the only person whose opinion Sheldon actually respects.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Hawking? Feynman?
Leonard Hofstadter: Himself.
[retrieving a VHS tape from a wall safe]
Leonard Hofstadter: It's a pep talk he made when he was a kid. He gave it to me years ago and told me to save it for a real emergency.
Penny: What? You didn't break it out when he declared his room a sovereign nation and waged a trade war against us?
Leonard Hofstadter: His major export is talking. I didn't want that anyway.

Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: To what do I owe this call?
Leonard Hofstadter: I need your professional advice.
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: Well, I'd love to help you out, dear, but I'm very busy at the moment. Perhaps we can schedule a time next week.
Penny: It's about Sheldon.
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: Oh. Well, I-I suppose I can spare a minute or two.
Leonard Hofstadter: Wh-why did you just say you're too busy, but...
Dr. Beverly Hofstadter: Leonard, please. Not everything is about you.

Sheldon Cooper: I know this is just a scientific theory, but to me, it was more than that. It described the universe in a new and beautiful way. I want that to be the universe we live in, but I guess it's not.
Penny: Amy, would you like to shoot the arrow?
Leonard Hofstadter: [she sets it on fire, and he puts the dish in the tub] It's kind of beautiful, isn't it?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Yeah, it is.
Sheldon Cooper: It's getting kind of close to the curtain.
Leonard Hofstadter: It's in water. It's fine.
Penny: [the shower curtain catches on fire] Oh!
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh!
Penny: Oh!
Sheldon Cooper: Looks like we both had theories that were wrong.

Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm really worried about Sheldon. I've never seen him this down.
Penny: Have you tried making him a cup of tea?
Amy Farrah Fowler: He's re-evaluated tea. Now he thinks it's nothing but leaf soup.
Leonard Hofstadter: That's a good point.
Penny: No, it's not.
Leonard Hofstadter: No, it's not.

Penny: How you guys doing?
Amy Farrah Fowler: A little better, if you can believe it.
Leonard Hofstadter: [seeing him face-down on the couch] Sheldon?
Sheldon Cooper: [muffled] Go away.
Leonard Hofstadter: Buddy, come on, let us help you.
Sheldon Cooper: The only person who could help me was erased by the Medford High Wolves.
Penny: Oh, that's funny. My high school was also the Wolves.
[seeing his look]
Penny: No? Not now? Okay.

Amy Farrah Fowler: I guess we could bury it in the park.
Sheldon Cooper: Where dogs do their business and other dogs sniff that business? I don't think so.
Penny: What would you like to do, Sheldon?
Sheldon Cooper: The only fitting send-off: a Viking funeral.
Leonard Hofstadter: You mean, like, push it out into a lake and shoot it with a flaming arrow?
Sheldon Cooper: This guy gets it.
Penny: How about a bathtub and a match?
Sheldon Cooper: How about a bathtub and a flaming arrow?
Amy Farrah Fowler: How about a bathtub, a match and an ice-cold Yoo-Hoo after?
Sheldon Cooper: Sold!

Penny: Whatcha eatin'?
Leonard Hofstadter: Chicken-fried steak.
Penny: What? You can't have chicken-fried steak first thing in the morning!
Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, you knew I was a bad boy when you married me. Come on, you want a piece of this?
Penny: You, or the steak?
Leonard Hofstadter: Me. I'm not sharing the steak.

Leonard Hofstadter: Look, t-this might seem strange, but, uh, we thought it might help you get some closure if you had a chance to properly say goodbye to your paper.
Penny: Yeah, you know, we could say a few words, you could talk about what it meant to you, and-and we could bury it somewhere.
Amy Farrah Fowler: You mean have a funeral for our theory?
Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah.
Sheldon Cooper: That's ridiculous.
Leonard Hofstadter: I thought so, too, but my mom thought it might work.
Sheldon Cooper: [perking up] Beverly thought it would help? We should try it.
Leonard Hofstadter: Wha... how come when you thought it was my idea...
Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, please, this is not about you.