Song Kang-ho credited as playing...
Ki Taek
- Ki-taek: [to his son] You know what kind of plan never fails? No plan. No plan at all. You know why? Because life cannot be planned. Look around you. Did you think these people made a plan to sleep in the sports hall with you? But here we are now, sleeping together on the floor. So, there's no need for a plan. You can't go wrong with no plans. We don't need to make a plan for anything. It doesn't matter what will happen next. Even if the country gets destroyed or sold out, nobody cares. Got it?
- Ki-taek: They are rich but still nice.
- Chung-sook, Ki-taek's wife: They are nice because they are rich.
- Ki-taek: Rich people are naive. No resentments. No creases on them.
- Chung-sook, Ki-taek's wife: It all gets ironed out. Money is an iron. Those creases all get smoothed out by money.
- Ki-taek: [message to Ki-woo] Perhaps you, if no one else, will be able to read this. You were a Scout, so I'm writing this just in case. Have your injuries healed? I'm sure your mother is plenty healthy. I'm doing fine in here. Though thinking of Ki-jung makes me cry. Even now, what happened that day doesn't seem real. It feels like a dream, and yet it doesn't. That day as I went out the gate, I suddenly knew where I needed to go. A house where such a grisly thing took place would surely not be easy to sell. I've struggled to hold on in this empty house. Still, thanks to the house being empty - what was her name, Moon-gwang? - I was able to give her a proper send off. I hear treeside burials are trendy. So hell, I did my best. Those real estate sharks sure are clever. They duped some people who had just arrived in Korea and managed to sell the house. With the parents working and the kids attending school, the family is usually out. But the damned housekeeper stays here 24 hours a day. Each time I go upstairs, I take my life into my hands. And it turns out Germans eat more than just sausage and beer. What a relief. Passing the time down here, everything starts to go hazy. Today at least, I was able to write you this letter. If I send out the letter this way every night, maybe someday you'll see it. So long.
- Ki-taek: Acting is one thing. But this family is so gullible, right?
- Chung-sook: Especially the Madame.
- Ki-taek: You said it. She's so naive and nice. She's rich but she's still nice.
- Chung-sook: Not "Rich but still nice." Nice because she's rich, you know? Hell, if I had all this money, I'd be nice too!
- Kim Ki-jung: [about Moon-gwang] She may look like a sheep, but inside, she's a fox. Sometimes she acts like she owns the house.
- Kim Ki-woo: Right. Of all the people in that house, she's lived there the longest. She was housekeeper to the architect Namgoong, but then she went on to work for this family. When the architect moved out, he introduced this woman to Park's family, telling them, "This is a great housekeeper, you should hire her".
- Chung-sook: So she survived a change of ownership.
- Kim Ki-woo: She won't give up such a good job easily.
- Kim Ki-jung: To extract a woman like that, we need to prepare well.
- Kim Ki-woo: Right, we need a plan.
- Park Da-hye: [cut to a scene with Ki-woo and Da-hye] I want to eat peaches. I like peaches best.
- Kim Ki-woo: Why not ask for some?
- Park Da-hye: No peaches at our house. It's a forbidden fruit.
- Kim Ki-woo: [cut back to the Kims; referring to Moon-gwang] So according to what Da-hye told me, she's got a pretty serious allergy to peaches. You know that fuzz on the peach skin? If she's anywhere near it, she gets a full body rash, has trouble breathing, asthma, a total meltdown!
- [Moon-gwang falls sick after Ki-woo puts peach fuzz on her]
- Ki-taek: Anyway. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but her words came through clearly! So I couldn't help but...
- Kim Ki-woo: Cut, cut! Dad, your emotions are up to here. Bring them down to about there.
- Ki-taek: So I couldn't help but overhear...
- Kim Ki-woo: Keep it focused!
- Ki-taek: [to Mrs. Park] What I'm trying to say is... it's just that, your housekeeper's voice is quite loud, you know?
- Park Yeon-kyo: I understand, it's all right. Just tell me, okay?
- Ki-taek: She said she got diagnosed with active tuberculosis and she was practically shouting over the phone, so upset she could barely control herself!
- Park Yeon-kyo: Tuberculosis? Come on...
- Ki-taek: It's true, she phoned someone saying she had active TB.
- Kim Ki-woo, Park Yeon-kyo: Do people still get TB?
- Kim Ki-woo: [cut back to the Kims] Dad, back in the day, people used to buy Christmas Seals, right? Feels like a bygone era.
- Ki-taek: [cut back to Ki-taek and Mrs. Park] But I saw it on the internet. Korea has the #1 rate of TB of all the OECD countries.
- Kim Ki-woo: [cut back to the Kims] But she's still working, as if nothing's wrong - with a kid like Da-song in the house.
- Ki-taek: [cut back to Ki-taek and Mrs. Park] So you've got a young kid like Da-song in the house, and a TB patient is doing dishes, cooking, spraying spittle...
- Park Yeon-kyo: Stop it, please!
- [cut to the Kims putting peach fuzz on Moon-gwang, causing her to fall sick again, and Ki-taek using chili sauce to fake Moon-gwang's blood]
- Ki-taek: [referring to the Park family's house] We live here now, don't we? Getting drunk in the living room.
- Kim Ki-woo: Right, we live here. Why not?
- Ki-taek: This is our home right now. It's cozy.
- Chung-sook: Cozy? Are you feeling cozy? Sure, but suppose Park walked through that door now. What about your dad? He'd run and hide like a cockroach. Kids, you know at our house, when you turn on the light, and the cockroaches scatter? You know what I mean?
- [Chung-sook starts laughing]
- Ki-taek: I'm getting fucking tired of this. A cockroach?
- Chung-sook: Yeah.
- [Ki-taek suddenly grabs Chung-sook's shirt]
- Kim Ki-woo: Huh? What's wrong?
- Kim Ki-jung: What's the matter?
- Kim Ki-woo: Dad, don't do that. You only live once.
- [Chung-sook and Ki-taek start laughing]
- Kim Ki-jung: What the hell?
- Ki-taek: I fooled you! Didn't I?
- Kim Ki-woo: Jesus, Dad.
- Ki-taek: I fooled you too, Ki-woo? Did it look for real?
- Chung-sook: If it was for real, I'd fucking kill you.
- Kim Ki-woo: [referring to a forged document that falsely shows that he is a college student] I don't think of this as forgery or crime. I'll go to this university next year.
- Ki-taek: So you've got a plan!
- Kim Ki-woo: I just printed out the document a bit early.
- Min: [giving a stone as a gift] My grandpa has collected scholar's rocks since his cadet days. Now the annex, the study, every room in the house is filled with these things. But this stone here is said to bring material wealth to families...
- Kim Ki-woo: Min! This is so metaphorical.
- Ki-taek: For sure. It's a very opportune gift. Please relay our deepest thanks to your grandpa.
- Chung-sook: [complaining about the gift] Food would be better.
- Dong Ik: Why such a craving for braised ribs today? Our old housekeeper made delicious ribs.
- Ki-taek: The one who quit this week?
- Dong Ik: My wife wouldn't even tell me why she quit. Sure, it's easy enough to hire a new one. Still, it's a shame. She was a great housekeeper.
- Ki-taek: I see.
- Dong Ik: She kept the house in great shape, and she knew never to cross the line. I can't stand people who cross the line. Perhaps just one weak point? Eating too much. She always ate enough for two. But considering all the work she did...
- Ki-taek: Then you better find someone new. A new housekeeper.
- Dong Ik: We're in trouble now. In a week, our house will be a trash can. My clothes will start to smell. My wife has no talent for housework. She's bad at cleaning, and her cooking's awful.
- Ki-taek: Still, you love her, right?
- Dong Ik: [laughing] Of course. I love her. We'll call it love.
- Chung-sook: Why didn't you put up a 'No Urinating' sign? I told you!
- Ki-taek: No, signs like that just make them piss even more.
- Kim Ki-jung: [as fumigation is occurring on the street outside their home] Shut the window.
- Ki-taek: Leave it open. We'll get free extermination. Kill the stink bugs.
- Moon-gwang: [after capturing the Kim family on video] Are you some family of charlatans?
- Chung-sook: So, sis...
- Moon-gwang: Don't fucking call me sis, you filthy bitch! I'm gonna send this video to the madame, how about that?
- Ki-taek: No reception in the basement, right?
- Kim Ki-jung: The phone works fine.
- Kim Ki-woo: Ma'am, to be honest, the jobs we have here...
- Moon-gwang: Shut up! It's too late now! Let's all go to jail! We're fucking going down!
- Ki-taek: Lady, are you crazy? If they see that video, Mr. Park and his wife will be so shocked! What did those nice people ever do wrong? Why do this to them?
- Moon-gwang: Stop right there! Or I'll push the 'send' button.
- Ki-taek: [referring to the secret room underneath the Park family's house] How can you live in a place like this?
- Geun-se: Well, lots of people live underground. Especially if you count semi-basements.
- Ki-taek: What'll you do? You don't have a plan?
- Geun-se: I just feel comfortable here. It feels like I was born here. Maybe I had my wedding here, too. As for the National Pension, I don't qualify. In my old age, love will comfort me. So please. Let me live down here.
- Chung-sook: If she wanted, she'd be a fucking great con artist.
- Ki-taek: Isn't her voice tone great? Takes after me.
- Ki-taek: [after learning that everyone in his family has the same smell] So do we all need to use different soap, now?
- Kim Ki-woo: Dad, we'll need to use different laundry soap, too. And fabric softener.
- Chung-sook: You mean doing four separate loads of laundry each time?
- Kim Ki-jung: That's not it. It's the semi-basement smell. We need to leave this home to lose the smell.
- Ki-taek: Anyway, aren't we fortunate to be worrying about things like this?
- Kim Ki-woo: Sure.
- Ki-taek: In an age like ours, when an opening for a security guard attracts 500 university graduates. Our entire family got hired!
- Kim Ki-woo: That's right, Dad!
- Ki-taek: If we put our 4 salaries together? The amount of cash coming from that house into ours is immense! Let's offer a prayer of gratitude to the great Mr. Park. And to Min! Ki-woo, that friend of yours turned into such a fine guy, and thanks to him we're all...
- Ki-taek: Ki-woo, you know what kind of plan never fails? No plan at all. No plan. You know why? If you make a plan, life never works out that way. Look around us. Did these people think, 'Let's all spend the night in a gym'? But look now. Everyone's sleeping on the floor, us included. That's why people shouldn't make plans. With no plan, nothing can go wrong. And if something spins out of control, it doesn't matter. Whether you kill someone, or betray your country. None of it fucking matters. Got it?
- Dong Ik: God, I can't believe I'm doing this at my age. It's so embarrassing. I'm really sorry, Mr. Kim. Da-song's mom insisted, it can't be helped. But the concept is simple. There'll be a parade with Jessica carrying a birthday cake. Then we jump out and attack Jessica. Swinging our tomahawks!
- Ki-taek: Right.
- Dong Ik: Just then, Da-song the good Indian will jump out and we'll do battle. Finally he'll save Jessica the cake princess, and they'll all cheer. Something like that. Silly, isn't it?
- Ki-taek: I guess your wife likes events and surprises.
- Dong Ik: Yeah, she does. But she's particularly into this party.
- Ki-taek: You're trying your best, too. Well, you love her, after all.
- Dong Ik: Mr. Kim. You're getting paid extra. Think of this as part of your work, okay?
- Ki-taek: [helping Dong-ik to find a new housekeeper] Then would this help?
- [Ki-taek hands Dong-ik a business card from The Care]
- Dong Ik: The Care? What is this?
- Ki-taek: I just recently found out about them. How to describe it? It's like a membership service. The company provides veteran-grade help to VIP customers such as you. For example maids, caregivers, or drivers like myself.
- Dong Ik: You can tell from the card they're high-class. Cool design. Then how do you know about this company?
- Ki-taek: They contacted me as a veteran-grade driver. You might say they scouted me? But when their call came I had already arranged to meet with you.
- Dong Ik: I see... You turned down this famous company to work for me. I won't forget that.