Jack Black: Bowser

The Super Mario Bros. Movie

Bowser

Bowser: [singing] Peach. You're so cool. And with my star, we're gonna rule. Peach. Understand. I'm gonna love you till the very end! Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches. Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches, Peaches. I love you! Oh!

Bowser: What is your name?
Luigi: Uh, Luigi.
Bowser: Not sure if you know who I am, but I'm about to marry a princess and rule the world.
Luigi: [Chuckles nervously] Wow, uh... yay.
Bowser: But, there's one problem, Luigi. There's a human traveling with my fiancée, has a mustache, just like you. Do you know him?
Luigi: No. No!
Bowser: Ah, a tough one, I see. Maybe this will get you to talk.
[begins to grab a piece of his mustache]
Luigi: You think I know every human being with a mustache wearing an identical outfit with a hat with the letter of his first name on it? Because, I don't.
[Bowser plucks a piece of Luigi's mustache off and he screams]
Bowser: [Grabs Luigi and his mustache, yelling] DO YOU KNOW HIM?
Luigi: Stop! Stop, stop, stop! Yes, I know him! I know him! He's my brother, Mario, and he's the best guy in the world!
Bowser: DO PRINCESSES FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE?
Luigi: THEY DO IF THEY HAVE GOOD TASTE!
[Bowser rips Luigi's mustache off in fury, causing him to scream in pain]
Bowser: GET HIM OUT OF MY SIGHT!
[throws Luigi on the ground]
Bowser: WE'LL SEE HOW TOUGH THIS MARIO IS WHEN HE WATCHES ME KILL HIS BROTHER!

Bowser: [to Princess Peach] I guess love really makes a guy come out of his shell. Heh, heh...
[Princess Peach is not amused]
Bowser: [to Kamek] I told you that line wouldn't work.
Kamek: You're doing great.

[while Bowser and Kamek are playing the underground theme on piano]
Bowser: This uh, human. Where did he come from?
Kamek: We aren't sure.
Bowser: Does the princess like him?
Kamek: Sire, look in the mirror. You have nothing to worry about.
Bowser: I know that. I'm not threatened.
[Bowser angrily slams the piano cover on Kamek's fingers, causing him to scream in pain]
Bowser: FIND OUT WHO HE IS, AND WHAT THEY'RE PLANNING!
Kamek: I'm on it, sire. May I lift the cover?
Bowser: [walks away] Not yet. Pain is the best teacher.

Bowser: [mid-credits scene; irate after a Toad Guard interrupts him singing "Peaches"] Hey! You can't treat me like this! Do you know who I am? I am Bow-
[sighs after the Toad Guard shuts the light off and closes the door]

Bowser: [Practicing his wedding proposal] Princess Peach... here we are. Hehe. I guess love really makes a guy come out of his shell.
[His Piranha Plant bouquet snaps, causing him to stomp on them. He has a small nervous laugh]
Bowser: Let's rule the world. Together. Forever. Will you marry me?
Kamek: [Playing the role of Princess Peach] Oh, yes!
[Koopa General bursts in, clearing his throat]
Bowser, Kamek: [Angrily] WHAT?
Koopa General: We have found the princess and the mustachioed human. He has defeated Donkey Kong and won the Kong Army.
Bowser: So, like, Peach was super impressed?
Koopa General: It appears so, yes. They are heading towards their secret passage.
Bowser: Oh, they think they can surprise me, huh? Two can play at that game.

Bowser: [Bowser is still frozen and finds Mario and Princess Peach reuniting as his fury grows and roars to break the ice and blows fire at the heroes] LAUNCH THE BOMBER BILL AND DESTROY THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!
Princess Peach: [Everyone watches a big Banzai Bill go up and heads towards the Mushroom Kingdom] No!
[Tanooki Mario flies away to distract the Banzai Bill and save the Mushroom Kingdom]