Fred Armisen credited as playing...
Cranky Kong
- Lumalee: Ooh, fresh meat for the grinder!
- Cranky Kong: Who's this ray of sunshine?
- Lumalee: There's no sunshine. Only darkness.
- Penguin King: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
- Mario: Um... no one panic, but the road is about to end.
- Cranky Kong: Well, then you better step on the gas and buckle up!
- Donkey Kong: Oh, yeah! Hi, Dad! Hi!
- Cranky Kong: No, no. Don't do that.
- Donkey Kong: Dad, wave back.
- Cranky Kong: Enough with the showboating!
- Donkey Kong: What do you mean? They like it! It's what they came here for! Dancing pecs!
- [does a chest dance]
- Cranky Kong: [to the audience] Okay, simmer down. I said simmer down!
- [to Diddy Kong]
- Cranky Kong: That means you, Diddy Kong!
- Cranky Kong: You did good, kid! Make your pecs dance. You deserve it!
- Donkey Kong: No time now, definitely later!
- Princess Peach: That was incredible! He kept beating you senseless and you just kept getting back up? You just don't know when to quit!
- Mario: Huh. I never thought of it as a good thing.
- Princess Peach: It's a great thing.
- Mario: [Touched] Thanks. I...
- Donkey Kong: [Interrupts Mario and Princess Peach's moment] I let him win, just for the record.
- Mario: [Unconvinced] Really, though? Why would you do that?
- Donkey Kong: You wanna know why? It's MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, THAT'S WHY!
- [throws a barrel at Mario, who ducks]
- Mario: [Tries to confront Donkey Kong] Alright, giant monkey!
- Cranky Kong: [Hits both Mario and Donkey Kong with his cane] Enough! Get inside!
- Cranky Kong: [Sarcastically] Oh, by all means, come in.
- [the door closes as Mario, Princess Peach and Toad walk up to Cranky Kong]
- Princess Peach: Great and mighty Cranky Kong.
- Cranky Kong: So, I heard you want my army.
- Princess Peach: Yes, Your Highness. Without your help, the Mushroom Kingdom will be annihilated.
- Cranky Kong: What makes you think you're worthy of fighting alongside the greatest army in the WORLD?
- Princess Peach: Because we have heart! And with your strength we can win.
- Cranky Kong: Okay, fine.
- Princess Peach: That's it?
- Cranky Kong: No, that's not it! The answer is no! Goodbye!
- Princess Peach: If the Mushroom Kingdom falls, the Jungle Kingdom is next!
- Mario: We're not leaving without your army.
- Cranky Kong: [laughs] Who is this guy? He makes me laugh! All right, tough guy! You want my army so badly? Defeat my son in the GREAT RING OF KONG!
- Princess Peach: Give us a second.
- Princess Peach: [Whispers to Mario] This is a really, really bad idea.
- Mario: Well, do you have another way to save my brother?
- Cranky Kong: Are you two done whispering? It's a little rude.
- Mario: You, sir, have a deal! I'll fight your son. And win!
- Cranky Kong: I'm sure you will.
- [laughs as he is helped onto his kart]