Louis C.K. credited as playing...
Self
- Louis C.K.: You ever see that PSA where they show you a really sad man? He's very upset, very sad man. He's holding a little sign and it says "yeah, sure" and he says, "This is the text that killed my daughter." 'Cause somebody texted "yeah, sure" and ran over his kid, which is awful. Although, maybe they were responding to a text that said, "Can you please kill that kid," and so they just wrote back and did it. I'm not saying that makes it better. I'm just saying we don't have all the information.
- Louis C.K.: I envy transgender people. They figured out what's going on with them... and they fixed it! What an amazing gift to know what the fuck is wrong with you! Who else gets to have that? For everyone else it's just a mushy "I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA!". I would give a million dollars to just wake up and be like "Oh, I'm an owl. That's what the thing is. I just gotta blink slow and eat a mouse."
- Louis C.K.: Of course it's going to get shitty. That's part of it. It's like going to a horror movie and in the first minute you're like "I think we're all going to be fine." No, you're all going to die and you're going to hate the person you love right now.
- Louis C.K.: Women have judgement, men just have intent. It's her job to go "That's enough of you. That's *really* enough. I don't think that face needs to repeat. I've seen your father, and it's not getting better."
- Louis C.K.: I looked in my sent folder and realized I left something at the top of my email. It said "This is my latest draft, what do you think?" So now the rest of the email is just *shit*! Because she knows that I have a writing staff and a focus group. There should be credits at the end of this fucking email. "Approved by mother and sister."
- Louis C.K.: It's 2017. That's not just any random number. It must be a very important number, because we are counting to it in unison as a species. For thousands of years... It's been 2017 years since CHRIST! We are counting the days since JEEEEESUS! Together! Which makes sense when you're Christian, but what the fuck are the REST of us doing?