Neil Patrick Harris credited as playing...
Count Olaf
- Violet Baudelaire: You don't have to do this.
- Count Olaf: [briefly breaks] It's all I know how to do.
- Carmelita Spats: I don't want to go to the room. I'm an adorable, beautiful, cute, dainty, eye-pleasing, flawless girl, and I want to go to the pool.
- Count Olaf: [seething] Remind me why we can't send her back to her parents?
- Esmé Squalor: We burnt down that house with them in inside.
- Carmelita Spats: Wha'd you say?
- Esmé Squalor: Nothing darling.
- Count Olaf: Call me Snicket. Jacques Snicket. We've never met.
- Arthur Poe: Oh, you're most certainly right we never met. I may forget a name, but I never remember a face.
- Count Olaf: Well, lookie here. A small child. As an upstanding, book-reading, still living citizen, I sure love children. I love 'em so darn much. It's frankly kind of disturbing how much I love children.
- [pressing the bread knife against Sunny's leg and whispers]
- Count Olaf: Which is why I am not going to let you out of me sight.