Roger Bart credited as playing...
Vice Principal Nero
- Count Olaf: I've always been honest about my desires to you orphans: you maimed or dead and your fortune in my rarely-washed hands. That's more than the rest of these people can say.
- Violet Baudelaire: These people are here to help us.
- Count Olaf: Help you? Look around! I see a banker who cares more about a promotion than three orphans!
- Arthur Poe: Vice-President, Orphan Affairs.
- Count Olaf: I see a man who was too afraid to protect you and a woman who values paperwork over peoples' lives! I see a vice principal who was more than happy to let me into his school as long as I stroked his ego!
- Vice Principal Nero: That's a lie! He only stroked my... violin.
- Count Olaf: I see rich people who only cared about you because you were "in" and villagers who only took you in to do their chores! I see volunteers whose complicated codes and pretentious literary references are useless against the real treacheries of the world! And presiding over them all, a justice so blind she let me marry you! These so-called decent people have done more to help my schemes than any of my associates. They should be up here!
- Klaus Baudelaire: They're not up here, you are!
- Count Olaf: Yes, but you are up here too, Baudelaires.