Neil Patrick Harris credited as playing...
Count Olaf
- Count Olaf: Here we are, riding off into the sunset.
- Hook-Handed Man: It's the middle of the afternoon.
- Count Olaf: Ladies and gentlemen, I will reach inside the box, pull out one piece of paper, unfold it, and read the name of the freak out loud. Then that freak will then walk down this wooden plankway, jump into the pit, and we'll all watch as the lions eat him.
- Esmé Squalor: Or her.
- Count Olaf: Or her.
- Count Olaf: You're no fortune teller. You're that school librarian!
- Olivia Caliban: I'm more than that. I'm a volunteer!