Keanu Reeves: Frank

Destination Wedding

Frank

Lindsay: You know, I'm not wearing anything under my pajamas.
Frank: Why would you? They're so alluring.
Lindsay: I didn't think I was going to be intimate this weekend... or any weekend.
Frank: Superman couldn't see through those pajamas. People have jousted in lighter clothing.

Lindsay: Howard left your mother?
Frank: 'Left' is not a strong enough word. Fled.
Lindsay: For an older woman?
Frank: He would have left for an otter. Anyway, leaving is leaving.
Lindsay: No, no. Leaving for a younger woman is awful, it's horrible. But leaving for an older woman is perverse.

[while having sex in the wilderness]
Frank: On the off-chance that we are making a baby, do you want a boy or a girl?
Lindsay: You're asking me this now?
Frank: I'm killing time.

Frank: [on being confronted by a mountain lion] We are not a herd, we are wedding guests.

Frank: I consider it a triumph of the will that there aren't shallow graves dotting my back yard.

Frank: [Buckling from the weight of carrying Lindsay] . You have a high, specific gravity.
Lindsay: Yeah, dense bones.
Frank: Really deceptive avoirdupois.
Lindsay: This is the slowest I've ever been carried.

Frank: You're slender, but not to the point of a troubled relationship with food.
Lindsay: That's actual profiling right there.
Frank: File a grievance. And your curves are very sexy but not vulgar. Everything very much in proportion. Firm but not over-lean, which I've always found weird and prepossessing. Your arms bespeak physical fitness and athleticism but nothing sapphic. And your ankles quietly aver that you will keep your body well into later age.
Lindsay: It's despicable the way men look at women.
Frank: In short, you are beautiful, graceful and elegant. Also, you don't dress in an overtly sexy way. You seem to understand that dressing sexy is actually the opposite of being sexy. That certain information should have to be earned rather than given away free to anyone and everyone who passeth by your doorstep.
Lindsay: If this were 1732...
Frank: I'm giving you a compliment.
Lindsay: You're calling me a prude.
Frank: I'm suggesting that you've taken the high road. Even in this flagrant, flaunting day and age, you have chosen to preserve mystery. Yes, the pyjamas go too far, but I applaud the ethos.

Lindsay: [while evaluating Frank's attractiveness] And you have a beautiful penis.
Frank: I do?
Lindsay: Oh, come on, Frank. Surely people have told you that your entire life.
Frank: No.
Lindsay: Well, it's very nice. It's straight, and you would not believe how epidemic a problem that is. Also it's balletically formed. It's not so big as to ever be cause for concern, but it's big enough never to be the object of ridicule or scorn. You're in a very sweet spot there.
Frank: Are you saying that Keith's penis is not straight?
Lindsay: Can you imagine that we would have gone this entire weekend without saying these things to each other?

Frank: There are seven billion people in the world. So when one of them behaves badly toward you, he's actually doing you a great favor because he's saving you time. He's telling you that he's not worth your while. He's freeing you to say, "Thank you for the information. I will now move on to the 6,999,999,999 other people, some of whom may have some value."

Frank: Can we still hang together at the farewell brunch?
Lindsay: Who else am I going to hang with? Although I suppose I could hang myself.

Lindsay: Don't you want to secretly have a romantic life that confirms your hopes instead of your cynicism?
Frank: No.
Lindsay: Don't you want to believe that things like this actually do happen?
Frank: Nope. I'm fond of my own cynicism. It's very comfortable.
Lindsay: Like a warm blanket of your own shit.
Frank: Yes. Yes. I'm very comfortable and warm in my fucking warm blanket of fucking shit.