Jim Parsons credited as playing...
Michael Ausiello
- Kit Cowan: I'm... I'm gay.
- [Marilyn looks at Michael]
- Michael Ausiello: I'm gay, too.
- Kirby: I am also gay.
- [Kit looks at Kirby conforming]
- Kirby: I am.
- Michael Ausiello: I'm not really much of a drinker. I don't really like the taste, or the empty calories. What about you, drunkard or junkie?
- Kit Cowan: I am a photographer.
- Michael Ausiello: Mm, both then.
- Michael Ausiello: He has a rectal tumor the size of a Death Star, he needs a bed. We were promised a bed.
- Nurse Ruth: All the beds are occupied, sir.
- Michael Ausiello: *I don't care where you have to go and find one I don't care if you have to drive to Ikea and buy one. I don't care if you have to go to Jennifer Convertibles. Give my husband a bed!*
- Kit Cowan: I need you to go to my apartment and clean up.
- Michael Ausiello: What do you want? You mean like... make the bed?
- Kit Cowan: No. I need you to hide anything that looks... gay.
- Michael Ausiello: You want me to de-gay your apartment?
- Kit Cowan: Yes, de-gay my apartment.
- Marilyn: He needs to keep eating, Michael.
- Michael Ausiello: Yes, definitely. He does.
- Marilyn: And so do you.
- Michael Ausiello: I was watching Days of Our Lives with my mother.
- Kit Cowan: Uh-huh.
- Michael Ausiello: And she caught me literally drooling over a shirtless Bo Brady.
- Kit Cowan: *Oh!* Ooh.
- Michael Ausiello: And it is *awkward* to realize you're gay at the same moment your mother is realizing that you're realizing you're gay.
- Michael Ausiello: Did you have sex with Sébastien?
- Kit Cowan: Yes.
- [long pause]
- Kit Cowan: I'm sorry I lied to you.
- Michael Ausiello: I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that I made you carry so much of my baggage for so many years
- [Kit rolls his eyes]
- Michael Ausiello: and making you feel like the bad guy so many times when you didn't deserve to. I'm sorry I never told you how good your ass looks in your khaki pants.
- [Kit laughs]
- Michael Ausiello: 'Coz it does. And I couldn't do it 'coz I was afraid if you understood how beautiful you are that you'd leave me.
- Kit Cowan: They all really like you, by the way.
- Michael Ausiello: I feel like Nina hates me.
- [laughs nervously]
- Kit Cowan: No, no. If she didn't like you, she'd be much more accommodating.
- Michael Ausiello: I'm worried that I'm going to fall in love with you and you're going to break my heart.