Roseanne Barr credited as playing...
Roseanne Conner
- Roseanne Conner: It's 11 o' clock. We slept from Wheel to Kimmel.
- Dan Conner: We missed all the black and Asian shows.
- Roseanne Conner: They're... just like us. There, we're caught up.
- Roseanne Conner: Did she just call you 'Darlene'?
- Darlene Conner: Yeah, so what? I don't have a problem with that.
- Jackie Harris: It's very modern, Roseanne. It allows the parents and the kids to communicate as equals.
- Harris Conner-Healy: See you, Jackie.
- Harris Conner-Healy: Call me 'Aunt Jackie', it's the only title I have.
- Dan Conner: There's no book on how to raise kids.
- Darlene Conner: Yes there is, and there are literally thousands of them.
- Roseanne Conner: Well yeah but it's not like they're just laying around somewhere that you can read them all for free.
- Darlene Conner: Yes it is, there's a library 2 blocks from this house.
- Dan Conner: There's a li-bary?
- Roseanne Conner: [sitting with Darlene on her bed looking at Harris's online accounts] Alright, let's see what we're dealing with here.
- Dan Conner: Roseanne, it's one thing for Darlene to check up on her kid, but other people doing it is just snooping.
- [excited girly voice]
- Dan Conner: Move over, girls!
- Darlene Conner: What is your problem? I'd think you'd be thrilled, you're grandparents now, you're *free*, now would be a great time for you to learn how to use your phones!
- Roseanne Conner: [smiling] THAT'S the old Darlene shining through.
- Becky Conner-Healy: Wait, you're going to wait until she's out of the shower to yell at her? Mom used to yell at us IN the shower.
- Darlene Conner: Yeah, you were like that movie 'Psycho'. "Take out the trash!"
- [makes stabbing noise]
- Darlene Conner: Ree-ree-ree!
- Roseanne Conner: Well at least Norman Bates respected his mother. Ree!
- Harris Conner-Healy: What is your problem?
- Roseanne Conner: My problem is you're acting like you own this house, and *we* don't even own this house.
- Roseanne Conner: You think you're better than everyone else in this whole town, don't you?
- Harris Conner-Healy: Do you *really* want me to answer that?
- Roseanne Conner: I'll do it for you, YOU'RE NOT! You're smart for a kid but you're stupid as a person.