Sara Gilbert credited as playing...
Darlene Conner
- Harris Conner-Healy: Who leaves security tags on stolen clothes?
- Darlene Conner: Well I'm sorry your henchmen are stupid, Riddler. God!
- Darlene Conner: I'll make you a deal, if you're still miserable in 3 years, you can move back to Chicago.
- Harris Conner-Healy: You mean it? Wait a minute, in 3 years I'll be 18 and can do whatever I want anyway.
- Darlene Conner: This didn't come from a thrift store, Harris. They don't put security tags on clothes that cost less than security tags.
- Darlene Conner: Those 'stupid old hillbillies' will climb in a pickup and pull you out of any well you fall down.
- Harris Conner-Healy: I didn't fall in a well, Grandma sprayed me with the hose.
- Darlene Conner: Now you know why you want her on *your* side.
- Roseanne Conner: Did she just call you 'Darlene'?
- Darlene Conner: Yeah, so what? I don't have a problem with that.
- Jackie Harris: It's very modern, Roseanne. It allows the parents and the kids to communicate as equals.
- Harris Conner-Healy: See you, Jackie.
- Harris Conner-Healy: Call me 'Aunt Jackie', it's the only title I have.
- Dan Conner: There's no book on how to raise kids.
- Darlene Conner: Yes there is, and there are literally thousands of them.
- Roseanne Conner: Well yeah but it's not like they're just laying around somewhere that you can read them all for free.
- Darlene Conner: Yes it is, there's a library 2 blocks from this house.
- Dan Conner: There's a li-bary?
- Darlene Conner: What is your problem? I'd think you'd be thrilled, you're grandparents now, you're *free*, now would be a great time for you to learn how to use your phones!
- Roseanne Conner: [smiling] THAT'S the old Darlene shining through.
- Becky Conner-Healy: Wait, you're going to wait until she's out of the shower to yell at her? Mom used to yell at us IN the shower.
- Darlene Conner: Yeah, you were like that movie 'Psycho'. "Take out the trash!"
- [makes stabbing noise]
- Darlene Conner: Ree-ree-ree!
- Roseanne Conner: Well at least Norman Bates respected his mother. Ree!
- Darlene Conner: You're taking back all the stuff you stole, you're shutting down the Itzy store, and you're giving me all your passwords to all your accounts.
- Harris Conner-Healy: How about I don't do any of that, and I just lose your trust?
- Darlene Conner: [firmly] The passwords.