Michael Sheen credited as playing...
Aziraphale
- [during Jesus's crucifixion]
- Crowley: [wincing] Oh, that has got to hurt. What was it he said that got everyone so upset?
- Aziraphale: "Be kind to each other."
- Crowley: Oh yeah. That'll do it.
- Crowley: Look, I've been thinking. What if it all goes wrong? We have a lot in common, you and me.
- Aziraphale: I don't know. We may have started off as angels, but you are fallen.
- Crowley: I didn't really fall. I just, you know, sauntered vaguely downwards.
- Crowley: What is this all about? Building a big boat and filling it with a traveling zoo?
- Aziraphale: From what I hear, God's bit tetchy. Wiping out the human race. Big storm.
- Crowley: All of them?
- Aziraphale: Just the locals. I don't believe the Almighty's upset with the Chinese. Or the Native Americans. Or the Australians.
- Crowley: Yes...
- Aziraphale: And God's not actually going to wipe all the locals. Noah's up there. His family, his sons, his wives, they're all gonna be fine.
- Crowley: But they're drowning everybody else?
- [Aziraphale nods. Some children run by]
- Crowley: Not the kids. You can't kill kids.
- [Aziraphale nods sadly]
- Crowley: That's more like the kind the thing you expect my Lord to do.
- Aziraphale: Yes, but when it's done, the Almighty is going put out a new thing called a "rain bow". As a promise not to drown everyone again.
- Crowley: [sarcastically] How kind.
- Aziraphale: You can't judge the Almighty, Crowley. God's plans are...
- Crowley: Are you going to say "ineffable"?
- Aziraphale: Possibly.
- Crowley: [shouting to one of Noah's sons] Oy! Shem! That unicorn's gonna make run for it. Oh, it's too late. It's too late! Well, you've still got one of them.
- Aziraphale: Well, I suppose I should say thank you, for the, uh, rescue.
- Crowley: Don't say that. If my people hear I rescued an angel, I'll be the one in trouble. And my lot do not send rude notes!
- [watching Jesus's crucifixion]
- Crowley: Come to smirk at the poor bugger, have you?
- Aziraphale: Smirk? Me?
- Crowley: Your lot put him on there.
- Aziraphale: I'm not consulted on policy decisions, Crawley.
- Aziraphale: It's the Great Plan, Crowley.
- Crowley: Yeah. For the record...
- [shouts]
- Crowley: Great pustulent mangled bollocks to the Great blasted Plan!
- Crowley: [after being caught during the French Revolution] Animals!
- Aziraphale: Animals don't kill each other with clever machines, angel, only humans do that.
- [at the Crucifixion]
- Aziraphale: Did you ever meet him?
- Crowley: Yes. Seemed a very bright young man. I showed him all the kingdoms of the world.
- Aziraphale: Why?
- Crowley: He's a carpenter from Galilee. His travel opportunities are limited.