Michael Douglas credited as playing...
Guy
- Guy: Why do you have so many aliases?
- Sam: Because nobody's... nobody's ever wanted me to stay the same person before.
- [Guy glares suspiciously at Sam]
- Sam: Nobody's ever stuck around long enough.
- Guy: Well, there's a reason nobody's ever stuck around this long, Sam. Believe me, I know. Because I've tried. I've tried you as a friend, and you don't fit. You don't fit anybody. Not even your own mother.
- Guy: I do not like them, Sam-I-Am!
- Sam: [desperately] But you could!
- Guy: I could not, would not, on a boat!
- [He pounds the offending food with his free hand]
- Guy: I will not, will not, with a goat! I will not eat them in the rain!
- [He hurls the dish at a wall]
- Guy: I will not eat them on a train! I do not like them here or there! I do not like them anywhere! I do not like green eggs and ham! I do not like them, Sam! I! Am!
- [Sam and Mr Jenkins exchange glances]
- Sam: So... that's a no?
- [Guy wails in frustration]
- Sam: Okay. I know you're not happy about the little setback in our relationship.
- Guy: We have no relationship. It's not us I'm worried about.
- [Guy presents the piece of paper with Michellee's phone number on it]
- Sam: I'll tell her you're innocent. She'll believe me.
- Guy: Oh, really, Mr. Furry Foot Bandit? Who's she supposed to believe? Hector Jive? Bamboozle McHoaxypants?
- Sam: I only use Bamboozle McHoaxypants for hotels.
- Guy: I'm sorry. Wh-whatever you do... please don't hurt me.
- [He sobs. McWinkle removes his sunglasses and looks at Guy with concern]
- McWinkle: Why would we hurt you? We're the good guys.
- [Guy abruptly stops crying]
- Guy: Huh? Uh... I-I-I thought you were the BADGUYS.
- Glutz: We are! But the name is kind of misleading.
- [She hands Guy the card. He flips it over to see the words 'Bureau of Animal Defense: Glurfsburg Upper Yipville Section' on the back]
- Guy: But... Sam is a wildlife protector, too... isn't he?