Ryan Reynolds credited as playing...
Michael Bryce
- Sonia Kincaid: I would make a great mother, don't you think?
- Michael Bryce: Oh, my God. A child would be so lucky to have you as its host.
- Sonia Kincaid: Thank you. It must be your powerful asexuality that makes you such a good listener.
- Sonia Kincaid: I need you to protect us. We're trying to have a baby.
- Michael Bryce: May God have mercy on our souls.
- Russian Mobster: You're gonna tell us everything you know.
- Darius Kincaid: I'm not telling you shit! Aaagh!
- [Darius gets tasered by the Russian Mobster]
- Michael Bryce: You can electrocute him all day, it'll only make him angrier
- [the Russian Mobster moves in on Bryce with the taser]
- Michael Bryce: I, on the other hand, will tell you everything.
- Darius Kincaid: What? Really?
- Bobby O'Neill: They're planning a full-scale cyber attack. Do not screw this up.
- Michael Bryce: Oh, we are definitely gonna screw this up.
- Michael Bryce: [to Darius and Sonia who is driving but the pair start making out] Let's not do that guys, let's just focus
- [leans over the backseat and takes control of the steering-wheel]
- Michael Bryce: I got it. No, it's fine. You guys just... you guys have at it. Maybe feather the brake a bit.
- Darius Kincaid: Now repeat after me, "I'm unlicensed, and I don't give a fuck."
- Michael Bryce: I'm unlicensed... and that's terrible...
- [Kincaid slaps Bryce]
- Darius Kincaid: Again?
- Michael Bryce: I'm unlicensed and I don't give a fuck.
- Darius Kincaid: Louder!
- Michael Bryce: I'm unlicensed and I don't give a fuck!
- Darius Kincaid: Robust!
- Michael Bryce: [yelling] I'M UNLICENSED AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!
- Darius Kincaid: Great! Now let's go do what we do, and fuck some shit up!
- Michael Bryce: Let's fuck some shit up.
- [suddenly gets surrounded by Interpol agents]
- Michael Bryce: [to Sonia and Darius] Can we just acknowledge that not only are we safe, this really feels like a new beg...
- [tranquilizer darts hit all three]
- Michael Bryce: .
- Sonia Kincaid: I think you're obsessed with my boobs!
- Michael Bryce: Your boobs? I never said anything about your boobs!
- [last lines]
- Sonia Kincaid: [to Michael] My baby cucaracha, you just signed the adoption papers.
- Darius Kincaid: The what?
- Michael Bryce: The adoption papers.
- Sonia Kincaid: You are now our son!
- Darius Kincaid, Michael Bryce: WHAT THE FUCK?
- Crowley: What do you need to stop Aristotle?
- Michael Bryce: We need boats. And we need guns.
- Darius Kincaid: [laughs] That's my motherfucking bodyguard.
- Michael Bryce: And we need them?
- [points to Interpol agents]
- Darius Kincaid: What?
- Michael Bryce: What are your names?
- Gary: Gary.
- Johan: Johan.
- Michael Bryce: Gary, Johan, are you ready to get your fuck on?
- Darius Kincaid: What?
- Michael Bryce: That came out wrong. Not together. With us. That also came out wrong. You're gonna get your fuck on in an action context.
- Michael Bryce: Are you people fucking insane?
- Sonia Kincaid: Hey! Watch your mouth! I picked you up from the street, saved you from sunstroke, and now you're calling me insane?
- Michael Bryce: Sunstroke? You could go to jail for leaving a dog in a hot car. And don't get me started on the psychological ramifications of what I heard you two doing.
- Michael Bryce: I've had it with you two. I'm sorry to say this, Sonia, but you are crazy!
- Darius Kincaid: Hey, you can't talk to my wife that way.
- Michael Bryce: Why not? She'd make a terrible mother. I wouldn't leave a Chucky doll in her care.
- Therapist: And how often do you have this dream?
- Michael Bryce: Just once...
- Therapist: Oh, well that's not too...
- Michael Bryce: ...a night.
- Michael Bryce: In two weeks I have to go in front of a tribunal and try to get my Triple-A rated license back.
- Therapist: To deal with the future, we sometimes have to deal with the past. Quite often validation issues stem from a disapproving father.
- Michael Bryce: I don't have validation issues. i have a licensing issue