Victor Garber credited as playing...
Ted
- Ted: I have sunk almost all of our savings into this campaign. Because I thought, if I won, you'd all be proud of me.
- Harper: We're already proud of you.
- Sloane: We don't care if you win.
- Jane: Yeah, and the money doesn't matter. When I sell my book, I'll take care of all of us.
- Ted: I love you, girls. And I'm sorry for making you think that anything could ever get in the way of that. I want to do better, and it will take time, but all I want for you is to find the same joy and happiness that you have given me, no matter where it comes from.
- Tipper: Harper, did you see that the Bennett's are here?
- Harper: Yeah, we just ran into Riley.
- Ted: Did you hear that she's doing her residency at Johns Hopkins?
- Jane: I should have her look at my mole.
- Harper: No, I hadn't heard that.
- Ted: It's very impressive! Her parents must be proud. And relieved.
- Tipper: I know. That lifestyle choice.
- Ted: Such a shame.
- Connor: Abby, what do you do?
- Abby: Oh, I'm working on my PhD in art history over at Carnegie Mellon. My parents were professors there, so I kind of wanted to follow in their footsteps.
- Ted: You know, before law school, I took all the money I had and went to Paris for a month. Spent every day in museums! That experience made me the man I am.
- Abby: That must have been incredible. What a dream!
- Ted: It was. Boy, Carnegie Mellon, huh? Bet you could teach me a thing or two.
- Tipper: What is going on!
- Sloane: Yeah, what is going on? Harper, do you want to tell them, or should I?
- Harper: Don't, Sloane!
- Sloane: Why? It's not good timing?
- Tipper: Girls, stop that this instant!
- Jane: Come one, guys. Just hug it out.
- Harper, Sloane: Shut up, Jane!
- Harper: Don't do this, Sloane!
- Sloane: All this because you're scared to not be the favorite. Pathetic!
- Ted: Sloane, you're making a scene!
- Sloane: I am? You think she's so innocent? All of this is happening because Harper is... Harper is a lesbian! Abby's her girlfriend.
- Harper: She is lying! I am not a lesbian!
- [party goes silent as Abby leaves]