Bergerac

There is nothing barely redeemable about this remake. The storyline isn't new, the acting is almost as bad as a children's school play and none of the characters had any depth.

It's incredulous that this even got funding. The 'whispering' DCI character, the back stabbing DI and lack of basic police procedure we know from other crime shows. There was no drama, no edge of the seat tension and no real motivation to watch the remaining episodes than to at least give it a chance.

Add to this a complete lack of plausible 'rich' people behaviour - we know any wealthy person would have used their private connections to sideline Bergerac sooner. It's dubious anyone had watched the original show or had a clue about how to write an evolving story.

Firstly, opening titles and music: complete mess, a weedy irritating noise with the original sound track muffled.

Which suits most of the script: Well over half was incoherent mumbling, not helped by the bloke bashing with the hammer in the next studio. The acting was not so much "wooden" as "concrete". The cast appointed by the United Nations. The police station appears to be a disused block of flats. Apart from some of the cast sounding as if they were reading their lines, many were sitting around for no reason at all, not contributing to the (lack of) action. Not a hint of humour, character, personality from anybody, as if it was all filmed in flat grey.

Dub it with american accents, rename it "Cop Guys" or somesuch. We watched an old copy of "Heartbeat" recently, and would advise Jason Durr as Bergerac, and Mark Jordon as Crozier. Oh, and good though she normally is, poor Zoe Wanamaker as "Charlie Hungerford" just does not cut it. Total drearyness, best avoided without anti-depressants. Waste of money. Ivor Macadam.

If it was announced that Prime Suspect was to be brought back, and the first series had Dawn French as DCI Tennison investigating the village gossip's murder by trebuchet, all the while chucking in funny asides and double entendres, there would rightly be an outcry from fans of the original series. This, of course, will never happen, but when it comes to hugely popular 'cosy' series, which producers and directors obviously look down on, anything goes. Thus we get a 'brought up to date' Bergerac, which of course means lots of troubled souls, dark lighting, mumbled lines, convoluted plots, and last but not least a damaged lead. It's almost impossible to like this Jim Bergerac, an awesomely irritating individual who spends half his time contemplating his navel, the other half ignoring his superiors, work colleagues, and of course his daughter. Why did it have to be a remake? Call it Dubois, and set it on Guernsey, just leave the originals alone. Blimey, what a load of boring old twaddle.

I'm a fan of Damien Molony.

I'm a fan of the original Bergerac (albeit I was a tiny kid when it was on our TVs).

I love the Channel Islands.

What's not to love?

It was OK.

It just needs to be more succinct.

Faster paced.

Each case could and should be completed in two episodes - just like "Silent Witness" or "Unforgotten".

This dragged on at a snails pace.

It was missing something - I cannot put my finger on "what". Possibly just pace and story arc. I hope it's renewed for a second season taking viewer feedback on board.

I was looking forward to the new Bergerac. I'm left slightly disappointed.

Unfortunately, this production chose to treat some common life occurrences as though it's all just a "Slag Him Off!", "Slag Him Off!", "Slag Him Off!" opportunity. It's tiring and depressing.

A man imbibes one evening and all the next day he gets comments about being breathalysed, smelling bad, etc. Does this upright hominid not know how to shower or use a breath mint? WTH with this relentless nonsense? Clearly, there's a writer/team that doesn't understand garden-variety functional alcoholism, or what a true, full-blown drinking problem looks like. Instead, they flip out over practically nothing, and verbally exaggerate incessantly. PATHETIC.

Clichés and poor choices galore: 1) A pushy, wrong-headed, nearly amoral journalist who'd rather listen to a convicted criminal provide nothing but slander and defamation on any day of the week.

2) Idiotic psychiatry/counseling scenes, consisting of repetitive interrogations and hounding, followed by a full medical confidentiality breach with an employer.

3) Family conflict on repeat, where a parent is being barred from contact, but has done little of substance to warrant that.

4) Treating a grieving, depressed person with an emotional crutch like an abnormal pariah.

5) Bad, obvious evidence 'discovery' scenes.

6) Pressuring people while they're on the phone for absolutely no legit reason ('cept fake drama).

7) A totally illogical setup involving a semi-employment scenario (unrealistic in every way), with predictably irrational risk-taking, and then a parade of undermining and backstabbing colleagues (as if they could be called that) always marching around the office right behind to lay on the pointless pressure.

I mean, a guy has a drinking problem, but the counseling he's forced into doesn't address it, then he gets sent home to do nothing but scrut around his house for open bottles to chug? Would his 'superior officer' seriously think that cutting him off would be a way for him to get his head on straight, when being a workaholic is all that's keeping him going? INSANE.

And, no one is spending their full days having to parent teenaged children unless they are disabled dependents. SO DUMB!