christopher-r-brewster

Black Doves is billed as a "thriller," but it is a video game come to life. It is LOL bad. The body count is deep in the double digits -- everyone is shooting their way in or out of buildings on their way to get "the boss" -- and yet, somehow, no one ever gets investigated. Keira Knightly can return to her home in the middle of the night where her MOD husband is sacked out like a bag of cement and wash the blood and brain matter out of her hair and never so much as clog the drain, return Christmas morning at 6AM after a night of killing and mayhem and immediately turn to presents and holiday baking, whilst her willfully ignorant husband is basting the turkey, never questioning why Keira has invited her contract killer buddy to Christmas dinner. Despite having been invited that Christmas morn, it is nice of her buddy to show up with wrapped presents for the kids, which must have been purchased at a 24-hour Tesco en route. Only a few deft jokes save this from a 1 star review. It is absurd.

Yes, it is a joy to see Groucho sing "Lydia the Tattooed Lady" -- and he has some good scenes with Eve Arden and Margaret DuMont, but the other songs are insipid -- and the rest of the film is run-of-the-mill Saturday matinee quality. (Chico's piano performance is fun -- and Harpo's rendition of Blue Moon on the harp is also first rate -- but I am sure these clips can be found without having to sit through the rest of the movie.) "Lydia" is a work of genius -- but "Two Blind Loves" is beneath the talents of Harburg and Arlen. And finally, any film that relies on a guy in a gorilla suit for laughs -- or shooting Margaret DuMont out of a cannon -- is not high comedy. Kids will enjoy it.

This is a truly silly film. John Turturro turns in a great performance, because he always does. Willem Dafoe is wasted. The script is embarrassingly bad -- the sort of script that a couple of high school kids might put together if they were writing a story about some really bad guys. The car chase is great for what it is, but at bottom it's a thrill ride in the middle of a movie about bad guys. There are some truly laughable nude scenes -- as though Friedkin decided that he needed to flash a picture of Willem Dafoe's butt or a quick boob shot every half hour or so. Plus some flickering flames and torrid glances. Please. As someone else wrote, the key characters appear to be the world's dumbest counterfeiters and law enforcement agents. But maybe they're just written that way. It's an OK film to watch while you're doing something else. It's 37 years old this year. It does not hold up well.