jul-kinnear

You'd be forgiven if, while watching Closing Escrow, you thought you were watching a documentary instead of an actual feature film. This award-winning independent comedy takes a look at the lives of three married couples and their real estate agents during their search for the perfect home. Filmed in the same style as some of your favourite reality television shows (live-action and pre-filmed interview segments), this film convincingly portrays the struggle between buyer and seller when it comes to presenting and purchasing real estate property. What are the buyers looking for? What kind of property would best suit their needs? Does the agent fully comprehend the importance of keeping within their client's budget? And, something we can all relate to, how do homeowners cope with the incessant train of people walking through their homes during a showing or open house?

Tom (Andrew Friedman) and his wife, Dawn (Patty Wortham), are looking for their dream property. Tom is a gentle, timid, somewhat weedy man who left his first wife to marry the whimsical, sometimes genuinely frightening possessed hippie Dawn. When we meet this couple, they are living in Tom's old house, which he shared with his previous wife. Dawn insists that they find a place of their own, free from the shackles of Tom's "past mistakes." The two of them hire real estate agent Richard (Ryan Smith) who employs the following strategy to keep purchasing prices down for his clients: carry a chainsaw with you to all home showings and begin destroying walls and floors, countertops, and mantelpieces in the hopes that the existing homeowners will cut $50,000 off their asking price. Despite his clients' horror, Richard stands by his unique method of price reduction and wreaks havoc in every listed home he visits with Tom and Dawn.

Bobby (Cedric Yarbrough) and his wife, Tamika (April Barnett), currently occupying a small apartment in the city, are on the hunt for a trendy, upmarket downtown loft that will both impress their lawyer friends and allow the two of them to spread out and live among high-vaulted ceilings and industrial-style building features. They hire elitist realtor Hillary (Wendi McLendon-Covey) to find them their perfect city abode but stress that, despite how financially successful the two of them are, they have a budget in mind and would very much like to stick to it. Hillary automatically sees dollar signs and begins taking Bobby and Tamika to beautiful, spacious city lofts that are lovely, but that the couple cannot afford. Hillary is driven to make a sale, but things go horribly wrong when Bobby and Tamika reveal that they are expecting a baby. Because of the new addition to the family, the couple's plans for a home have changed. The couple are now looking for a charming house in suburbia, the bane of Hillary's existence. A happy camper she is not. Not only has her clients' budget gone down, but she will also have to begin showing them lifeless, generic bungalows located on plots of land so close together that you can see into your neighbours' houses just by gazing out your dining room windows.

Allen (Rob Brownstein) is a successful accountant and his wife, Mary (Colleen Crabtree), is an avid scrapbooker. They have one pre-teen daughter and are looking for a larger home to raise their little family in. Upon first glance, Allen is quite unassuming and content with his lot in life. But when he hires neighbour Peter (Bruce Thomas) as his and his wife's realtor and begins spending more and more time with him, Allen begins coveting everything Peter has â€" from electronically controlled home lighting to the customized dance room Peter built for his daughter in an upstairs spare bedroom. It is beginning to look impossible for Peter to find Allen and Mary the home of their dreams because Allen keeps changing his mind about what he wants. First he wants a pool, then he wants a bigger lawn, a customized dance room just like his neighbour has, a bigger floor plan, and perhaps even a sewing and crafts room for his beloved wife. Real estate agent Peter cannot keep up and finally explains to Allen that, if he cannot stick to one plan, he and Mary will never find their next home.

The final third of the film brings all three couples and their realtors together when they casually meet at an open house. If you're a realtor or an experienced buyer and homeowner yourself, I bet you know what's coming next! Yes, you guessed it. After a long and fruitless search, all three couples are interested in submitting an offer for the home they're all currently traipsing through. Automatically, the audience understands that because there are three couples bidding on the same home, each one will have to offer more than the asking price in order to gain a foothold and come out the victors. Yes, we understand that, but the characters in the film have a harder time coming to terms with the fact that not only will they have to go over their set budget, but that someone else has their eye on what has become their dream home.

The situation quickly grows tense and the audience is left wondering who will ultimately win the property. If I said the film's final frames weren't anxiety-inducing, I'd be lying. It's no wonder I ruined my pristine manicure while sitting through the last twenty minutes of Closing Escrow. I couldn't stop biting my nails! Don't worry; I'm not about to spoil the ending for you here. I'd much rather have you watch it and see how it all unfolds in real time yourself.

If you've ever seen one of Ice Cube's films before, you know what to expect when sitting down to watch ARE WE DONE YET? Delinquent behaviour, silliness galore, a touch of potty humour and lots of rap music. Well, we can't fault Ice Cube for the latter since he was one of the biggest rappers of the 1990s, but the kind of humour found in his films is quickly becoming stale now, and his hijinks don't seem as funny as they did back when I was growing up in the 90s grunge era.

ARE WE DONE YET? is a sequel to the 2005 comedy ARE WE THERE YET? and some Hollywood execs even claim that it is a remake of the classic MR. BLANDINGS BUILDS HIS DREAM HOUSE (1948) which we have reviewed here in the past. Personally, I find that a little hard to swallow but there are definite signs of this modern comedy being influenced by the likes of the beloved classic Hollywood film starring Cary Grant and Myrna Loy. I think it's just incredibly difficult for me to wrap my head around the fact that movie audiences have been told to expect comparisons between this film and its classic predecessor.

Produced by Revolution Studios, RKO Pictures, and Cube Vision, ARE WE DONE YET? starts where ARE WE THERE YET? left off: Nicholas "Nick" Persons (Ice Cube) has married Suzanne Kingston (Nia Long) and together with her two children – Lindsey (Aleisha Allen) and Kevin (Philip Daniel Bolden) - have moved into Nick's small, compact apartment. Chaos (and a whole lotta mess) ensues when the four of them try to navigate their way through the tight hallways and diminutive rooms of Nick's former bachelor abode. Milk is spilled and eggs go flying and when Suzanne reveals that she is pregnant, and expecting twins no less, Nick makes the executive decision to move the family out and into a larger home.

Suzanne, Lindsey, and Kevin are not impressed when the search for a new home leads them into the countryside. Nick waxes lyrical about the clean, fresh air, the serenity of the landscape and the wide open spaces and tries to convince his wife and stepchildren that moving into rural Oregon is the best choice for them – until he comes face to face with a deer and then it's every man for himself! They somewhat reluctantly set their sights on an outwardly beautiful historic home built in 1889 and consider buying the property from real estate agent Chuck Mitchell Jr (John C. McGinley).

Chuck describes the property as a "fixer-upper" and rightfully so because it seems that everything the Persons touch either crumbles into little tiny pieces or savagely tears apart with no warning whatsoever. When Suzanne expresses concern over the dilapidated structure, Nick insists that he is perfectly capable of renovating the home himself and fixing any little problems that crop up. I can pretty much guarantee that you're sitting there, reading this review and shaking your head in disbelief right about now. Believe me, so am I.

Realtor Chuck wins himself a sale and the Persons move in (albeit grudgingly). Now that the family is based in the country, it's time for Nick to introduce his wife and stepchildren to the beautiful outdoors. He takes them on fishing and canoe trips, quiet walks through the wilderness, and jaunts across open trails reminiscent of the open plains of the English countryside. Nick obviously wants the best for his new family and tries really hard to help them all adapt to their new surroundings, but at every turn they encounter one obstacle after another. If they're not being attacked by a shark-like fish, their house's electrical wiring is blowing up. If they're not being chased by a swarm of bats, they're falling through holes in the floor and muddy trenches in the ground.

Admitting defeat and at the behest of his wife, Nick calls in the local contractor who happens to be realtor Chuck (he wears both hats apparently). Chuck quickly gets to work and upon his initial inspection proclaims that the home's issues go a lot deeper than his original diagnosis of it being a simple "fixer-upper." Needless to say, Nick is not impressed especially when he re-enters his home and finds it nearly gutted soon after Chuck's arrival. Frustrated and emasculated, Nick takes out his anger on his expectant wife and stepchildren, not to mention realtor/contractor Chuck whom Nick swiftly fires. To add more fuel to the fire, daughter Lindsey sneaks out of the house one night to go to a party and when she gets caught, Nick grounds her which further provokes the ire of pregnant Suzanne.

As with all family comedies, it's pretty much inevitable when the husband and wife clash and the situation is brought to a head; in this case, Suzanne takes the children and moves into the guesthouse, away from her frustrated spouse. Unfortunately, the stress of the situation and her already fragile condition culminate into labour pains – looks like the twin babies are on the way! Turns out the nearest hospital is an hour away so Nick and Lindsey are stuck having to deliver the infants themselves. In comes Chuck and it's a full house of frantic, panicked people. Oh joy!

Fast forward to six months later and we see the Persons and their friends (including Chuck) enjoying a big barbecue in the home's backyard. The house has been renovated, the Persons family is living together again, and everyone's happy – just in time for the film's animated end credits to roll. How charming! Except that it's not. The whole film seems juvenile and horribly contrived. Yes, it's billed as a comedy, but I honestly didn't laugh once and it was due mostly to the cast's poor performances and deficient humour (if you can even call it humour).

There's one thing that people should be very clear on, and that's that Eddie Murphy does not care in the slightest what people think of his acting career. And that's good, because this film is unspeakably bad and is only viable as a tool for wantonly consuming 90 minutes from your life that you will never get back. Yes, this is an Eddie Murphy project that functions better as a fourth-dimensional black hole than anything else.

What audiences have here is a project in which Eddie Murphy plays real estate agent Jim Evers, who hopes to transform a dilapidated mansion in New Orleans into financial success. Before venturing out in search of a buyer for wreck, he and the family he's been somewhat neglectful towards visit the house for an inspection. They discover there is more going on with the property than they could have ever anticipated.

Eddie Murphy's character is hapless, with little awareness of what is going on outside of his real estate duties. Terrance Stampis, confusingly, in this movie as one of the 999 ghosts that reside in this mansion, even though his acting career easily and understandably puts the film "beneath him." Jennifer Tilly is present in the film in a significant role as a disembodied medium and adviser to Jim Evers. Despite the quality of the film overall, their talents are put to good use, considering what little they're working with.

The acting is stiff and contrived. Murphy turns in a performance that is completely alien to the talent that brought him success throughout the 1980s. The relationship between Evers and his wife appears unnatural and difficult to believe within the context of the film. The film might have had greater success with an increased focus on the efforts made by the home's original owner, a ghost, to reunite with his long-lost wife. Certain contradictions were apparent in the film as well, such as what physical objects ghosts were capable of manipulating. Sometimes they were able to move objects. Other times they were relegated simply to phasing through them. The visuals of the film are quire colourful. The effects, both special and practical, are top-notch and clearly show a great deal of effort had been put into producing them.

This film is mainstream pabulum of the highest order. Murphy delivers a performance that's typical Murphy schtick — frantic, energized inanity with a dull edge and inarticulate delivery, devoid of any nuance or subtlety. Murphy's more sophisticated and impressive roles, not nearly as upsetting, are not easily remembered. Everyone can remember his Saturday Night Live origins, his work in 48 Hours, Trading Places, Coming to America, The Golden Child, Bowfinger, the Beverly Hills Cop series, and Dreamgirls. People often want to remember these, but seldom do they wish to recall the likes ofMeet Dave, Norbit, Daddy Day Care, Nutty Professor, Dr. Dolittle, and the infamous Pluto Nash. People can find themselves anxious with the likes of Ben Affleck because they remember roles he's "phoned in," such as with Jersey Girl, because they know he can produce absolutely amazing work like he did in The Town. People know he can do better, so they become, understandably, disappointed. That perspective we have for Murphy has inflated to such proportions that you can't help but see anything else. The Haunted Mansion is a good vehicle of work to add to the pile of problems movie- going audiences have with his intentions. It's good that a man that has done ten Shrek-related jobs since the first Shrek doesn't care what audiences think of him, otherwise this might all seriously effect him on an emotional level.

Former Village Voice writer Rob Minkoff may have put it best when he said, "Rob Minkoff has directed a movie that's nearly laughless and nowhere near as frightening as what's happened to Eddie Murphy's career." Even famed film reviewer Richard Roeper simply described The Haunted Mansion as "dreadful." While Disney proved, earlier in 2003, with Pirates of the Caribbean that a film based on an amusement park ride can be successful, Eddie Murphy proved that substantial talent is a significant portion of the equation required to project the success of such a film.

You'd get more for your dollar if you were to visit the actual Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland rather than engaging with The Haunted Mansion. There's no particular reason this film should exist. The world is worse off it now that it exists. Rather than waste your time with this cinematic detritus, you would be better off sitting somewhere and reading a book for 90 minutes.