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My mom always made me wear clean underwear when I left the house. I still do it. So, when I decided to go out, I changed my underwear. I arrived at the theater and I paid too much to park,too much for a ticket, too much for a tub of popcorn, and found my seat.

What I witnessed was a horror movie. I know it was meant to be a comedy, but it was horrifying. And not in a good way. Keaton is one of my favorite actors, but he could not have saved this poorly written, poorly acted, poorly directed crap, even if he had made an effort. And he did not make an effort. They tried to ride the original, but alas, one gets nowhere astride a long dead equine.

The story is that the budget for this turkey was cut by $50 million. Had they spent their couch cushion savings, it would have been too much.

If you like cringe, this movie may be for you. If not, stay at home and see if you can find a test pattern on your television. Trust me. A test pattern would be more entertaining.

Valiant Lady was a soap opera that premiered on CBS on October 12, 1953, and ran to August 16, 1957. Like most of the soap operas of the day, each episode was only fifteen minutes in length and aired live.

As is common for soap operas, Valiant Lady's storylines dealt with scandalous topics. At least they were scandalous for those times: children being born out of wedlock; women dating married men; a young man falling in love with a divorced woman; a teenaged girl learning to perform "unseemly" dances.

The show aired more than 1,000 episodes, but it was never terribly popular. Sponsored by General Mills and other companies, it aired daily at noon and preceded the soap opera, Love of Life. Love of Life was much more popular, airing 7,315 episodes until its cancellation in 1980.

Valiant Lady was a rather typical soap opera and its demise wasn't due to its storylines. It suffered from being the leadoff soap opera on CBS, and it went up against stiff competition from first the Tennessee Ernie Ford Show, and then later by the very popular game show, Tic Tac Dough.

In short, there was nothing memorable about this show.

The Restless Gun sports one of the all-time great television titles. The show itself was dark, gritty, and a little slow. The show's star, John Payne, was a competent actor who graced television and movie screens for four decades. In this series, the long-faced Payne, who was only 45 when the show premiered, seemed a little old for the part. He was a lot of things, but not particularly restless. In the whole, the show was fairly typical of TV Westerns. It was a 30-minute long morality play in which Payne's character was always heroic. The Restless Gun wasn't a bad oater, but it wasn't spectacular either. That is probably why it only lasted 78 episodes.