dextermorgan-91603
Joined Oct 2015
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Reviews28
dextermorgan-91603's rating
I went into this flick hoping for a grand send-off. What I got was a limp, recycled mess that felt more like a bad spin-off than the franchise's finale. The setup had promise, but the movie just dragged until the halfway point. By then, I'd already checked my watch 2 times.
The screenplay? Paper thin. Characters exist just to be spooked, and the scares are predictable jump-outs you can see a mile away. There's no tension, no atmosphere, just loud bangs and cheap tricks. At this point, you can practically set a stopwatch to when the next door will slam.
And then there's Michael Chaves. Let's be real-this isn't his first stumble. La Llorona was weak. The Devil Made Me Do It barely felt like a horror movie. The Nun II was a snooze. And now here we are again, same bag of empty tricks. He confuses loud noises for scares and speed bumps for suspense. If James Wan built this house of horror with care, Chaves has turned it into a carnival ride running out of batteries.
Who in their right mind thought that hey let's give the guy who delivered 3 trashes in a row another story to butcher? Perfect for a franchise closer.
Sure, Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga do their best, as always. Their chemistry still works, but they can't carry a whole movie on their backs. A "heartfelt farewell" means nothing when the movie itself can't even scare a nervous teenager in a dark theater.
The screenplay? Paper thin. Characters exist just to be spooked, and the scares are predictable jump-outs you can see a mile away. There's no tension, no atmosphere, just loud bangs and cheap tricks. At this point, you can practically set a stopwatch to when the next door will slam.
And then there's Michael Chaves. Let's be real-this isn't his first stumble. La Llorona was weak. The Devil Made Me Do It barely felt like a horror movie. The Nun II was a snooze. And now here we are again, same bag of empty tricks. He confuses loud noises for scares and speed bumps for suspense. If James Wan built this house of horror with care, Chaves has turned it into a carnival ride running out of batteries.
Who in their right mind thought that hey let's give the guy who delivered 3 trashes in a row another story to butcher? Perfect for a franchise closer.
Sure, Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga do their best, as always. Their chemistry still works, but they can't carry a whole movie on their backs. A "heartfelt farewell" means nothing when the movie itself can't even scare a nervous teenager in a dark theater.
I went into Red Sonja (2025) hoping for at least a guilty-pleasure fantasy adventure, but what I got instead was an absolute disaster that had me checking my watch before the first hour was even up.
Complete disregard for source material: The film takes the name Red Sonja but throws away everything that made the character and her world iconic. The lore, the tone, even the personality of Sonja herself-none of it survives. It's as if the filmmakers skimmed a one-sentence Wikipedia summary and decided to "make it their own," stripping out all the grit, charm, and spirit in the process.
Abysmal acting by no-name actors: I'm all for giving new talent a chance, but these performances are painful. Every line sounds rehearsed but never felt. Emotional scenes land with a thud, and action moments feel like the actors are just waiting for someone to yell "Cut!" It's wooden, awkward, and sometimes unintentionally funny-but not in a good way.
Non-existent budget: I swear the budget for this thing could have been covered by a month's rent in Los Angeles. The sets look like they were assembled in a community hall, with walls that practically wobble if anyone leans too hard. There's no sense of scale, no atmosphere-just cheap backdrops and bad lighting.
Inaccurate costume design: Whoever handled costumes either didn't care or had no clue. Instead of the fierce, practical-yet-stylish fantasy gear you'd expect, we get outfits that look like bad cosplay rejects from a discount bin. They don't match the tone, the era, or the character at all.
Poor fight choreography: The sword fights are slow, awkward, and so badly timed that it feels like watching kids play-fight in the backyard. Blows clearly miss, reactions are late, and the camera work tries (and fails) to make it look exciting. There's zero weight or danger to anything.
Pathetic direction: This is the final nail in the coffin. The pacing lurches from painfully slow to rushed, scenes have no emotional payoff, and the overall tone is a mess. It feels like no one was steering the ship, just hoping it wouldn't sink before the credits rolled.
By the time the film limped to its ending, I wasn't just disappointed-I was angry. *Red Sonja* deserved better. The fans deserved better. What we got instead was a lazy, cheap, passionless cash-grab that should serve as a warning to anyone thinking of buying a ticket.
Complete disregard for source material: The film takes the name Red Sonja but throws away everything that made the character and her world iconic. The lore, the tone, even the personality of Sonja herself-none of it survives. It's as if the filmmakers skimmed a one-sentence Wikipedia summary and decided to "make it their own," stripping out all the grit, charm, and spirit in the process.
Abysmal acting by no-name actors: I'm all for giving new talent a chance, but these performances are painful. Every line sounds rehearsed but never felt. Emotional scenes land with a thud, and action moments feel like the actors are just waiting for someone to yell "Cut!" It's wooden, awkward, and sometimes unintentionally funny-but not in a good way.
Non-existent budget: I swear the budget for this thing could have been covered by a month's rent in Los Angeles. The sets look like they were assembled in a community hall, with walls that practically wobble if anyone leans too hard. There's no sense of scale, no atmosphere-just cheap backdrops and bad lighting.
Inaccurate costume design: Whoever handled costumes either didn't care or had no clue. Instead of the fierce, practical-yet-stylish fantasy gear you'd expect, we get outfits that look like bad cosplay rejects from a discount bin. They don't match the tone, the era, or the character at all.
Poor fight choreography: The sword fights are slow, awkward, and so badly timed that it feels like watching kids play-fight in the backyard. Blows clearly miss, reactions are late, and the camera work tries (and fails) to make it look exciting. There's zero weight or danger to anything.
Pathetic direction: This is the final nail in the coffin. The pacing lurches from painfully slow to rushed, scenes have no emotional payoff, and the overall tone is a mess. It feels like no one was steering the ship, just hoping it wouldn't sink before the credits rolled.
By the time the film limped to its ending, I wasn't just disappointed-I was angry. *Red Sonja* deserved better. The fans deserved better. What we got instead was a lazy, cheap, passionless cash-grab that should serve as a warning to anyone thinking of buying a ticket.
Recycling plots from earlier movie near climax? CHECK
All talking and barely any action? Check
Idiotic use of a galaxy level threat? Check
Subpar vfx? Check Talking, blabbering and zero chemistry? Check
Need i say more? I think not. As much as Fox fumbled with the Tim Story's movies with Chris Evans and Ioan Gruffudd they looked, acted, most importantly made you believe they were pulled from the comics straight. This nonsense? Just some paycheck collectors barely putting effort in performances. Wait for streaming!
All talking and barely any action? Check
Idiotic use of a galaxy level threat? Check
Subpar vfx? Check Talking, blabbering and zero chemistry? Check
Need i say more? I think not. As much as Fox fumbled with the Tim Story's movies with Chris Evans and Ioan Gruffudd they looked, acted, most importantly made you believe they were pulled from the comics straight. This nonsense? Just some paycheck collectors barely putting effort in performances. Wait for streaming!
