avadams

I liked the first Alienoid movie, but this one is just a slog to get through. Over two hours of threadbare characters, discount Venom symbiotes from Temu, an annoying comic relief protagonist, and a shining MacGuffin that people treat like a hot potato until it finally becomes relevant. Ugh! It seriously needed a re-edit and to toss out some of the characters that were introduced -- that probably would have shaved off 30 mins. Right there.

There was a time when films like Independence Day, 2012 or The Day After Tomorrow could present the most absurd scenarios, yet could still be engaging, exciting, and suspend your disbelief in an entertaining fashion. Or Armageddon, with it's motley crew of deep-core drillers recruited by NASA to stop an asteroid from destroying the Earth. Scientific inaccuracies didn't matter, because the characters were compelling and the action was exciting. Not so with Moonfall.

Despite the accrued star power (and budget), this movie is like a bad mashup of Transformers and Geostorm. Too many tired clichés (dysfunctional families, military overdependence, nerd tropes), some ham-fisted social commentary, cheap-looking miniature effects the make you long for the CGI "talents" of The Asylum, and an entire roster of unlikeable characters. None of these people are likeable, charismatic, or competent. None. You won't care about their lives, their individual circumstances, or what passes for character arcs. And you'll be sick of the term "megastructurist" by the second time one of these knobs proclaims himself to be one. We need to expect better from our entertainment, plain and simple.

Don't be fooled into thinking that this has anything to do with the Alien franchise beyond trying to ride on its coattails (obviously). This isn't even a "so bad, it's good" movie -- it's just bad. You know what to expect from the typical Italian giallo film, over-the-top gore, some soft-core nudity, faux "American" actors in contrived situations. Think "Demons" by Dario Argento as a perfect example of this genre.

This movie offers nothing, not even comedy relief. The most laughable thing is that one of the tags for the film is "strong female protagonist". She's boring, exceedingly stupid, and prone to stating her insecurities vocally. Why bother trying to act when you can just blurt out what you're feeling even if it's out of context?

Skip this unless they release a Rifftrax version of it someday (unlikely).