ardentpics

They can't all be masterpieces, but if you're going to make a B movie can it at least be cheesy fun? This movie says yes.

In addition to Atlas, Brad Peyton previously directed San Andreas and Rampage. All three movies had loglines that made me roll my eyes and say "hell yeah, ima watch that nonsense".

So often I'm let down by movies with a fun premise, but these three movies have mostly good actors saying and doing preposterous things with just the right amount of seriousness. Shameless mashups of stuff you've seen a million times before, they are technically proficient and well paced, and I feel like they were made with the sincere intention of giving me a pleasant brain holiday from my daily worries. Which they succeed at quite nicely.

So thank you, Brad Peyton. Keep doing what you do.

An utter lack of originality is the least of this movie's problems. I'll happily watch any "Alien" or "The Thing" ripoff that has even a smidgen of competence. But apart from the sexy space suit design this movie has nothing going for it.

The music soundtrack is an annoying synth smear that doesn't let up for one second and the mix renders the dialogue unintelligible. The editing is lazy and confusing. The cinematography is flat and uncompelling. Terrible dialogue. The characters are barely defined. The little surgery robot arm had more personality than all the human leads combined.

Worst of all is the complete lack of pacing and storytelling ability.

I can't believe I watched the whole thing.

If your criticism of this episode is that no studio executive could behave so stupidly, you're wrong.

I worked my entire life in film production and I've seen and heard things you wouldn't believe. A set can be a real pressure cooker of barely controlled chaos, full of stressed out exhausted people constantly fighting against the clock, priorities and egos ricocheting all over the place, and stuff can just go epically wrong at the drop of a hat. It's actually unfair to single out executives for blame, since almost anyone who's around long enough will eventually find themselves to be the fly in the ointment at some point.

I know assistant directors who scream commands in their sleep, still trying to control the set even while unconscious. I bumped into one of them at the grocery store the day after this episode dropped and he grabbed me and asked if I'd seen it. I nodded and we both started babbling about how traumatizing it was.

We both had watched the entire episode with our hands over our mouths moaning no no no! It stirred up a lot of memories. Not fears. Not anxieties. Memories.

Well done. It all felt exactly right.