jtv-49952

This is the only movie that I have ever taken the time to write a review for on IMDb, and my sole motivation is the hope that someone will see this and save themselves the 85 masochistic minutes that I just put myself through. This is one of those movies that you want to turn off from the moment you start but you just keep watching in the hopes that it will get better, and the next thing you know it's an hour in, the movie is still terrible, and screw it - you might as well finish it at this point because the prescription opiates haven't worn off yet.

My girlfriend roped me into this debacle with a trailer that promised a mix between Juno and Wes Anderson, but what I got instead was A Serious Man after it had been eaten by a 400 pound trucker named Larry, poorly digested, and ultimately deposited into a toilet bowl at a rest stop. This movie is so bad that I actually felt it was below Michael Cera to take this role. Michael Cera is too good of an actor to be in this movie. Let that sink in.

This "film" feels exactly like what it is - a poorly executed imitation of some of the great indie films of our time, written by a man and a woman who likely knew that no one in their right mind would make this thing so they had to make it themselves. It has all awkwardness and low-budget characteristics of Napoleon Dynamite but with none of the charm, and its attempts at humor are so forced that I'm not sure an entire bottle of Dulcolax could have moved things along.

We as a society love a good bit of cringe in our films, since art often imitates life. If you like a good cringe every now and then, you might look forward to the scene in which the protagonist (whatever his forgettable character name was) attempts to kiss his (also forgettably named) male co-star. On the surface, this scene should have made my skin crawl, but instead my skin was crawling as I thought about the fact that someone actually invested time and money to put this lightly-polished piece of garbage into the annals of film history and expect people to revere it as art. If this is art then the scab I tore off my leg while watching YouTube earlier today is a Van Gogh.

I could further analyze on a scene-by-scene basis, but frankly I am close to nausea already as I rehash just exactly how angry it made me to sit and watch attempt after attempt to be a quirky indie movie fall shorter than Tyrion Lannister.

I would rather lobotomize myself with a chopstick than watch this movie again.