paudman

Somewhere in all this, there's a story. I watched it as a followup to 1883 but feel that, like The Empire Strikes Back, it's merely a filler between two better parts. It started off fine: we have cattlemen fighting the sheep herders and trying to hold onto their land despite changing times. We had a gun battle, now we've got a war BUT like the Great War which just ended, it must be happening far away. Here we have Spencer and Alex, they make love a lot. And here again. And here again. And here again. It goes on, and on, and on. OH GOD NOT AGAIN. Do we really need to have it go on for so long? Somewhere in between we have the newly weds going at it, both pre and post marriage vows. And it too goes on, and on, and on. We're grownups, we know what they're doing. Not surprising the ranchers are losing their land, the others fight while they hop from bed to bed interminably and all we see is a lot of kissing then interminable post-coital talk. The one saving feature is that the ranchers are Irish so they can't blame the British for anything and everything (although according to Helen Mirren they came from Ireland to escape poverty and ended up being given a huge ranch), and the sheep herders are Scots, but it goes on longer and more slowly than John Dutton's recovery. Somewhere in between we have Native Indians being beaten by nuns but this part of the story is taking longer to knit up with the rest than Dutton's bones. I want to see how it ends but I feel I'll be glad when it does and we can move on to Yellowstone.

We have a zombie apocalypse, and the survivors are fighting their way across America. First thing to note: the zombies must only kill the overweight ones with bad teeth. Secondly, you must talk loudly even though 90% of the population is now zombie and the streets are deserted. Thirdly: when picking a weapon, pick a thin golf club. Never close doors behind you, shout loudly to each other, and although the zombies are slow, shuffling idiots that can't catch a cold, endeavour to get caught in a corner by a few dozen that you could easily break through. Well, everyone else has without even a scratch. Never reload your weapons, leave desperately needed arrows, and have a 'safe house' that's identical to all the other houses that were presumably broken into earlier. Always complain loudly that you need to look for someone or go back and bury remains. Go off on your own, explore, make noise, and expect your friends to rescue you but only if one gets killed in your place. Survive for months, lose family, friends and group members, but then reveal that you've never killed a zombie before the movie part of your survival story starts. Be ready to cry over abandoned children's toys or family photos. Make sure the zombies are dressed in a variety of clothes - you don't want to miss cheerleader practice, not even for a zombie outbreak that kills you before you get a chance to change back into everyday clothes. Stick to these rules and you'll have a zombie movie. And loads of critics. That's the charm of these movies - they only do stupid things so people will talk about the movie. A good sensible movie with properly-addressed danger and real scenarios wouldn't be popular, would it? You have to make killing zombies look easy despite the fact that everyone else in the country was killed by them and don't worry, the others will shuffle about aimlessly until you've killed the one you're fighting with, then you can go kill them too. All in all an interesting movie - if only for counting the cliches - but i'm still waiting for the 'proper' zombie movie that treats things seriously and gives a real sense of danger. This isn't it.