ensiform

I cannot for the life of me understand the gushing over this movie (the Director's Cut). It's supposedly "dark," "deep," with a "message," "a fairy tale for adults." Those epithets all describe Pan's Labyrinth, a fantastic movie. But this movie, Legend? None of those apply here. It's a silly, slapstick, goofy movie, and ultimately boring.

Tom Cruise, normally a fine actor, is unbearably wooden in his role. The girl who plays Lily veers from time to time into a Southern accent from her quasi-British "princess" accent. The film's silly, ham-handed, slapstick "battle" scenes belie its supposedly serious nature. Lily's inane songs are intelligence-insulting. The long, tedious scenes with the unicorns are not beautiful, just long and tedious. The dialogue is eye-rollingly cheesy.

Now, I do appreciate good fantasy. I loved the Lord of the Rings films, Bakshi's Wizard, the aforementioned Pan's Labyrinth... But this film, Legend, is appallingly trite and goofy. Heck, even Dark Crystal compares favorably. I can only suppose that those who laud this film to the skies are looking at it through the eyes of nostalgia; I, having not seen it until now, in my late 30s, am unmoved. I love magic and stories of the wonder of childhood, but I found absolutely no magic in this movie.

A funny, fast-paced and thoroughly enjoyable production. All the actors are clear and well-spoken. They all add funny little unspoken touches to their lines, Cleese especially, so that there's a lot of physical comedy going on while the fast dialogue is crackling. A lot of talent went into this show, and it pays off.

A mad alien called Soren (McDowell) threatens to destroy an entire sun (and, of course, its planet system) in order to return to the Nexus (a place where time has no meaning, where all are "bathed in joy"), the two captains of the Enterprise join forces to stop him. They can do this because they are in the Nexus, after Soren fulfils his plan. There are some fun bits here --- oddly enough, most of them with Kirk and the gang; nostalgia is always fun. But the script is very shabby on the whole. A subplot involving Data with an emotion chip is played out very timorously, to the point that it puzzles rather than entertains. And plot holes abound, from the niggling question of why Data's emotions crashed at just the wrong moment (never explained) to the rather larger question of why the captains didn't exit the Nexus at a better place to stop Soren, so they didn't have the odds stacked against them so. And it's rather facile even on its own terms; obviously, Kirk and Picard's ideas of true joy aren't domestic bliss, they're adventure and travel and challenge. That is what they'd find in the Nexus, and so they'd never leave. Or --- why doesn't Soren leave the Nexus, since seemingly one can, at will, and stop the captains in turn? And so on ad infinitum and absurdum. A rather slip-shod guilty pleasure, this.