sandtonvideo

Take a great sci-fi premise and make it implausible and inconsistent Take a crime thriller and make it boring Have a human interest subplot that requires a character to act with total disregard of normal human behavior Throw in self-indulgent direction that often slows the plot to a snail's pace and overuses shifting time lines Feature characters who are given such poor character development that it's impossible to care about any of them, and then hire actors who probably would struggle with good material Money was obviously spent on it, and the premise kept me watching through a few episodes hoping it would catch fire, but alas, I finally gave up. Disappointing.

Although production values were fine, the story was confused, evolved far too slowly without a sense of progression, and ultimately never came close to an ending that merited the tedious slog through the movie.

My companion for the evening is a big (and tolerant) sci-fi fan, but she was fidgeting early on in the movie, and when a character utters the words, "I'm so sorry about tonight" I could only turn to her and repeat the line.

If you're looking for a thought-provoking sci-fi movie, you can skip this one, and if you are expecting a romance along the lines of The Time Traveler's Wife or The Lake House, the story and performances are just not compelling enough to pull that off.

Sorry, but give it a miss.

A host of recognizable television series faces share the screen with those newly-CGI characters: the lovably aggravating Smurfs. For those who don't know, Smurfs are little blue human-like creatures that stand "3 apples high" (I wonder if that means the GM Golden Delicious monstrosities, or petite little all-natural Granny Smiths?). They are happy. Very happy. And they sing when they are happy. Which is nearly always. And they seem to know only one song. ARRGH!! This might explain the antipathy that the evil wizard Gargamel (disappointingly portrayed in a way over-the-top performance by Hank Azaria) feels towards the Smurfs. Also, Smurf essence seems to have some sort of cosmic energy magic qualities, and Gargamel would like to capture all the Smurfs to harness this Smurf essence to make himself the most powerful wizard ever. Whatever.

When Clumsy, the Smurf who is, well, clumsy accidentally reveals the location of the hidden Smurf village to Gargamel and his cat familiar, a small group of Smurfs will be sucked through a portal (under the influence of the mystical "blue moon") to Central Park in New York City. But Gargamel is so close to his life's ambition that he risks following them through the portal, and the cosmic battle between the forces of Blueness and Ham Acting, sorry, I meant Evil, will continue in the Big Apple.

It is there that the Smurfs encounter Patrick, a man with a pregnant wife and a erratic, volatile boss who has just promoted him, but will fire him if he doesn't come up with a brilliant idea for a marketing campaign to promote a line of cosmetics products. The Smurfs take refuge with Patrick, and prove to be a distraction (especially when they are singing their one and only song), until finally Patrick loses it and yells, "I don't want a bunch of little people running around the house!". His pregnant wife Grace fixes him with a doe-eyed stare (Grace is played by Jayma Mays from GLEE, whose naturally doe-eyed look provoked one of the GLEE characters to remark once when completely drunk, "I cried when they shot your mother, Bambi" before vomiting on her feet), and Patrick realizes he has some serious thinking to do about the nature of family and commitment to loving your family through thick-and-then, even if it's not convenient for your career (and even when they sing). Naturally, because he's a good guy, he will come to his senses and help the Smurfs in their efforts to try and defeat Gargamel and figure out how to reopen the portal and return to Smurf-Land (although I'm not entirely sure where that is).

Now, to be serious for a moment, the film is well-constructed technically, the actors do pretty well with pretty inane material (with the exception of Azaria), and there ARE some funny moments. But the film is ponderous in setting up the main action in the beginning, and might lose some young viewers there, and feels padded, as if there were an idea for a Smurf movie, but when the original idea was fleshed out into a script, it only took up only 45 minutes of time, so another 45 minutes of plot-superfluous cuteness were added on: a scene in a toy store where Smurfs are mistaken for toys, a scene where Patrick and the Smurfs bond while playing Guitar Hero. Drum Hero, etc...(product placement there, Sony?), a scene where...well, you get the idea. But the movie picks up steam as it goes along, and ends up better than it starts. The major drawback: the movie may be too plot heavy for younger children, and too silly for older children and parents. But then I have to confess I never understood the attraction of the Smurfs in the first place, so perhaps children will be so in love with the cute Blueness that is the Smurfs that considerations like plot and pace simply don't matter.

My suggestion is that if your children vociferously clamor to see the film, then they are already under the spell of the Smurf's single happy song, and they'll probably like the movie no matter what. But if they don't clamor, you don't have to push them to see it, and neither do you need to see it, either. Oh, and Katy Perry voices Smurfette to no particular effect, hence the title of the review...