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NightOfTheLivingDon

Joined Jun 2006
I don't know what happened. One minute I'm in the eternal slumber of death and the next minute...BOOM...I'm walking the Earth again with a terrible craving for brains. It was a damndist thing! When I was still in my grave, I remember being able to smell again first, you know. I smelled some kind of gas and got the uncontrollable urge to bust out of the ground. Hmmm...strange...I did like that girl in the mohawk I first ran into especially. Her brains tasted exquisite!
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NightOfTheLivingDon's rating
Cabin Fever

Cabin Fever

5.6
2
  • Feb 5, 2008
  • Well, the title was appropriate in the fact that the film succeeded in making me ill.

    City in Panic

    City in Panic

    4.5
    1
  • Jan 24, 2008
  • M for Mundane

    I can't believe I'm going to do this, but I HAVE to write a comment for probably the worst movie I have ever seen. Don't get me wrong, I love trashy movies. However, CITY IN PANIC is just trash. I mean that in the most literal of senses. I found this VHS in a heap of trash while doing my annual "End of the Year Dorm Dumpster Dive." See, at my alma marta, the end to every hallway would be FULL of junk that residents would leave behind after the school year was over. A couple of friends and I would always peruse the mess for some hidden gems. Mostly it was all junk, but every once in a while you find something cool. Like a whiskey bible or a Wayne's World Dice Game. And sometimes you'd just find garbage, like a VHS copy of CITY IN PANIC. Man, I should have figured...

    The movie seems to have been made by a group of high school freshmen who just found out what sexual discrimination is, and thought that they were really "pushing the envelope" by involving a taboo subject such as AIDS. Ugh. Nothing in this movie works, and the only reason why the ending is a surprise is because you stopped caring about figuring anything out. Halfway through the thing, you can't even hear it over the sounds of your own prayers for an end to the cruelty emanating from the television.

    I would end this review with something along the lines of "Stay away from this movie at all cost," but just the simple fact that you are reading this means that it is too late. I can see no reason why anyone would search out this movie unless they had already had the misfortune of viewing it. Sorry guy. We've got meetings on Friday at 9pm over at the Rec Center. Punch and pie.
    The Wicker Man

    The Wicker Man

    3.8
    1
  • Jan 11, 2008
  • "Not the bees!"

    The 2006 edition of THE WICKER MAN is, without a doubt in my mind, the very worst remake in cinematic history. It is also dangerously close to being one of the worst films ever made. I think that Robin Hardy, Ed Woodward, Christopher Lee, Britt Ekland and all that were a part of the 1973 version (a great film everyone should see) should get a free kick to the nuts of "George Lucas Look-alike Contest" runner up Neil LaBute and Nicolas Cage. I couldn't believe how awful Cage was in this pile of llama dung! I wanted to turn the movie off so many times, but I was frozen in awe of how utterly atrocious it was. Watching this movie is almost self-mutilating. I know this is just another negative review, but I feel it is much more. I feel a need as a compassionate human being to steer as many people away from this movie as I can!
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