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JoeJames76

Joined Aug 2006
The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of 14 a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking... I highly suggest you try it.
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Ratings25

JoeJames76's rating
The Sorcerer's Apprentice
6.15
The Sorcerer's Apprentice
The Black Dahlia
5.61
The Black Dahlia
Stranger Than Fiction
7.58
Stranger Than Fiction
The Illusionist
7.59
The Illusionist
Nacho Libre
5.91
Nacho Libre
The Prestige
8.59
The Prestige
Slither
6.58
Slither
Pan's Labyrinth
8.29
Pan's Labyrinth
The Break-Up
5.87
The Break-Up
The Wicker Man
3.87
The Wicker Man
Inside Man
7.69
Inside Man
Clerks II
7.32
Clerks II
Superman Returns
6.17
Superman Returns
Step Up
6.56
Step Up
Pulse
4.71
Pulse
Snakes on a Plane
5.58
Snakes on a Plane
Bob the Butler
5.52
Bob the Butler
Failure to Launch
5.77
Failure to Launch
Cars
7.37
Cars
Click
6.46
Click
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
7.47
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
7.45
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Monster House
6.79
Monster House
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
6.68
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
V for Vendetta
8.19
V for Vendetta

Reviews25

JoeJames76's rating
The Sorcerer's Apprentice

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

6.1
5
  • Jul 13, 2010
  • So Formulaic and Ridiculous!! Poor Cage and Molina :(

    Cage and Molina make magic happen, until it all goes POOF!! in the 2nd half, Bruckheimer formula blows again; C-

    Seriously? This is what two Oscar worthy actors can offer? Cage and Molina would have been an awesome hero and villain combo, but the darn kid and his ridiculous girlfriend plot keep getting in the way. Not to mention that Monica the magnificent is barely in the film at all.

    Mid way through it is obvious that we are following the Bruckheimer formula of connect the dots summer movie "magic". Change location, stage mini action sequence, change location, have pathetic romantic sub plot, change location, insert silly animal antics, change location, insert car chase (really? they are frickin' sorcerers!! why the h3## are they DRIVING around??!?!!).

    If you want to waste your money, go ahead. They DID spend some on the F/X, but nothing new to see here. In fact, spend your money on seeing something else you liked a second time. You'll be thankful.
    The Wicker Man

    The Wicker Man

    3.8
    7
  • Jan 23, 2007
  • Delightful bit of retelling by campy star/director

    The wonderful thing about Nicolas Cage is that he throws himself into the role, good or bad, 100%. Which is exactly what a movie like this needs of its leading man, who is on screen almost the entire film. Therefore, if you're willing to watch Cage ham it up with reckless abandon in this remake of the 70s cult thriller, then you're in for an enjoyable experience.

    Eerie in a way that movies now a day just aren't, The Wicker Man uses the most of all the production devices at its disposal. Sets and surroundings are surreally bizarre; the musical score is creepy and uncomfortable, and the costumes are unsettling and sometimes disturbing. It figures that a stage director like LaBute would find inspiration in all these cinematic devices, as they are equally, if not more important to the stage work world he comes from.

    However, without the smoke and mirrors of the production crew, the plot is rather thin and develops at a snail's pace. In true seventies fashion, the film is more character driven and unconcerned about delivering a definitive beginning, middle and end story arc that wraps up nicely. It's more about Cage's character's journey and how he deals with the situations he finds himself in.

    As the film progresses, the situations seem more and more bizarre, yet answers fail to come, and as an audience member it can prove to be frustrating. However, Cage's performance and LaBute's direction, propped up by a great supportive cast, compels you to watch it. The island Cage finds himself on, investigating a missing child, is just slightly unlike the rest of the world. The sense is that we're watching an Amish community based on the principles of a beehive. Burstyn's queen bee performance is every bit as powerful as her turn in Requiem for a Dream (why isn't this woman working more often?) and the supporting females are the most unlikely bunch of femme fatales yet every bit as menacing.

    The film plods along and requires the audience's trust, as we are often as much in the dark as Cage is. The twist ending is a slight shock, but probably not as much as it was 30 years ago. Yet it was interesting enough to give this film a slight recommendation, though i do realize it isn't for everyone's taste, especially those who like their films quick and tidy.

    Grade: B
    Inside Man

    Inside Man

    7.6
    9
  • Jan 23, 2007
  • Best Movie of 2006

    Any Spike Lee/Denzel Washington collaboration is cause for celebration, as they always seem to bring out the best in each other. This time isn't any different, but what really surprises is how well the rest of the cast carries the film, making Washington almost seem like a bit player. Owen commands the screen as the master criminal matching wits with Washington's hostage negotiator. Foster is suave and smooth in a way Washington normally is, and Plummer has a quiet reserve and vulnerability that has made some of Washingtion's characters truly memorable.

    It's great to see Spike removed from the political expectations that so many of his films convey, though this film does tackle a few race issues amongst the intrigue. In fact, Spike's casting prowess allows the film to be populated by a number of ethnic minorities, giving the film some added realism and tension, two elements this film has in spades.

    The premise is simple, as Owen and friends enter a bank and proceed to take customers and staff hostage while the police waits outside. Owing a lot to Dog Day Afternoon (which is a good thing--that's one of my all time favourite films), this bank robbery gone bad is gripping and will leave you guessing right until the last frame. Spike crams each frame with intensity and the actors are more than game.

    In typical Spike fashion, there are several layers to the film and the characters' motives are equally complex. He knows when to stylize the action and when to leave it raw. He pays just as much attention to dialogue heavy exchanges as he does to gunplay and smoke bombs. The result is a formulaic hostage film played out to perfection, with just enough twist and turns that everything feels fresh, exciting, and intense.

    Inside Man is perhaps one of the best rentals of the year, and I eagerly await Spike and Denzel's next collaboration. This one is definitely for film fans and casual movie goers alike. I don't want to say too much in fear of giving anything away, but you won't be able to tear yourself away from this film.

    Grade: A
    See all reviews

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