martin-graupner

Story, characters and jokes are from some narration scrapbook.

But it contents creepy cultural clichés and a quite dangerous positivization of obesity. This is a serious sickness! Overweight people have a much shorter life! What crap is this flick teaching young girls? Only for this the movie should be rated +18.

What is really embarrassing though is the presentation of the Germans. Everything is wrong with that picture. Fascistoid costumes and appearances plus: None of them is original German. It is so frustrating that US movie productions quite always use people who pretend to speak German, but they speak with a clear foreign accent. -- Yes, we are seeing your cultural garbage in English. And yes, we feel ashamed for who ever produced this.

I was looking forward seeing this movie. Simply because I enjoy action flicks sometimes -- because of the simplicity. But the dialogues are so astoundingly bad that I had to throw up after 9 minutes. Literally. Well, 10 minutes rest and I gave it another try. I have seen a short, very unrealistic action sequence (if Force still is the factor of mass and acceleration, the two guys must have been killed each other 3 times in 1 minute) in which 2 people finally survived an explosion plus the resulting fall of about 5 meters. Through glass of course. Followed by a cliché scene in which we learn about the pregnancy of another character. This. Is. So. Wow. Nooooo!!! What the hell??? Do it as I did: don't see it at all. These were the worst first 15 minutest of an action movie that I will ever see.

There is not a piece of a narration in Jupiter Ascending with the potential to fascinate or surprise or to astonish. And that alone is very saddening.

The flick is build around CGI and costumes and a very poor copy of the Matrix plot: A no one is chosen to save the world and dives, like Alice in the rabbit hole, in an invisible universe.

Unfortunately under this narrative DNA is only an epically bad written repetitive pattern of Jupiter being saved that you don't care what happens, because you know for sure, she will be saved again. You get a feeling for the constructiveness of every bit of tension, and not in the good way. You are literally ripped out of the fiction. But the movie is not that bad. It is worse. The viewer gets bored by the visible intention to create a universe for a franchise by over-explaining the most uninteresting crap, tried to get relieved from this tension desert by foreseeable love and action jerk.

176 Million Dollars to make THIS is embarrassing.