Orpheus_Unlimited
Joined Aug 2011
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Ratings179
Orpheus_Unlimited's rating
Reviews11
Orpheus_Unlimited's rating
I'll make this very short & easy: don't waste your precious time watching this atrocity. It's a complete insult to the senses.
Photography in this film is horrible. Acting is laughable. Music is bad. FX are mostly C grade, especially makeup & CGI (practical ones are kinda OK though). There's way better editing on an average YouTube video. And the acting is bad, bad, bad. Oh, did I already said that? Well...that's how bad it is.
But by far the worst offender here is the script. Some truly ghastly experiments created some really nasty creatures. So the movie starts with a really lame "search & destroy" military operation going bad. 2 years later the site is home of a rave party (!) and a group of friends end up trapped underground. 2 yrs? 2 yrs!? That's it? So the government sends a black ops team to an underground military bunker and everyone dies. So naturally that's it. Game over. Let's just forget everything about that place and keep going. No "hey, maybe we should go and check if someone got out of there alive" or something? Nah. The creatures we wanted dead will probably die of old age. Why bother, right? And that's only the beginning. I'm not going to say anything else because I don't wanna spoil "the fun" for any masochist out there, willing to waste 80+ minutes watching this thing. But you have characters doing the most dumb and unreasonable things. A couple of veteran soldiers that display no real knowledge of military tactics or anything useful whatsoever, other than telling sad war stories. Characters pulling "facts" and knowledge out of thin air, knowing things there's no way they could possibly know. Things happening one minute and other things contradicting the first ones happening on the next minute without any sort of rational explanation. There's even a scene where a guy takes off his shirt and do almost nothing for 3+ minutes just to show his abs (seriously, there's no real reason for it, not even in the scene's context that demands quickness and taking off your clothes will waste very valuable time). And I'm not even going to mention the dreadful & incoherent ending. I've seen bad movies with bad scripts. But this is one of the worst ones. The story here is like something a teenager wrote for a high school essay. I can't believe a professional writer did such an awful job.
This movie has zero redeeming qualities. Not even a couple of one liners or some cool jokes here & there. It's just plain bad. With emphasis on the plain aspect. There's really no reason to watch it. Not even to make fun of it. -1/10
Photography in this film is horrible. Acting is laughable. Music is bad. FX are mostly C grade, especially makeup & CGI (practical ones are kinda OK though). There's way better editing on an average YouTube video. And the acting is bad, bad, bad. Oh, did I already said that? Well...that's how bad it is.
But by far the worst offender here is the script. Some truly ghastly experiments created some really nasty creatures. So the movie starts with a really lame "search & destroy" military operation going bad. 2 years later the site is home of a rave party (!) and a group of friends end up trapped underground. 2 yrs? 2 yrs!? That's it? So the government sends a black ops team to an underground military bunker and everyone dies. So naturally that's it. Game over. Let's just forget everything about that place and keep going. No "hey, maybe we should go and check if someone got out of there alive" or something? Nah. The creatures we wanted dead will probably die of old age. Why bother, right? And that's only the beginning. I'm not going to say anything else because I don't wanna spoil "the fun" for any masochist out there, willing to waste 80+ minutes watching this thing. But you have characters doing the most dumb and unreasonable things. A couple of veteran soldiers that display no real knowledge of military tactics or anything useful whatsoever, other than telling sad war stories. Characters pulling "facts" and knowledge out of thin air, knowing things there's no way they could possibly know. Things happening one minute and other things contradicting the first ones happening on the next minute without any sort of rational explanation. There's even a scene where a guy takes off his shirt and do almost nothing for 3+ minutes just to show his abs (seriously, there's no real reason for it, not even in the scene's context that demands quickness and taking off your clothes will waste very valuable time). And I'm not even going to mention the dreadful & incoherent ending. I've seen bad movies with bad scripts. But this is one of the worst ones. The story here is like something a teenager wrote for a high school essay. I can't believe a professional writer did such an awful job.
This movie has zero redeeming qualities. Not even a couple of one liners or some cool jokes here & there. It's just plain bad. With emphasis on the plain aspect. There's really no reason to watch it. Not even to make fun of it. -1/10
I'll be brief, because no one wants to lose more time than needed here, right?
American Gothic has it all. It starts with a coma-inducing opening sequence. Seriously, you better be well rested while watching it or you'll fall asleep in no time. It's long, confusing, tedious and very boring. OMG! I've just realized it's like the perfect prelude to this movie. Because that basically sums up the whole thing.
Nick & Guy are 2 inmates that just had a break: the van transporting them back to the prison just had an accident and now they're on the run. A short time after they found themselves at the door of a secluded farm house run by an ordinary looking couple. Things quickly go to hell and suddenly they get more than they bargained for.
Everything in this movie is bad. And I mean EVERYTHING. The script is an insult to the viewer's IQ. Editing is a joke. The acting is awful. Seriously, it's very very very bad. I've never seen a movie before where no one can act even if their lives depended on it. Believe me, I can handle bad acting but this movie is something else. It has main actors giving some of the most lifeless performances I have ever seen. It's sad! Photography? Bad. FX? Bad. Music? Bad. And the camera? Jesus! Amateurish doesn't even begin to describe it.
The worst part is that the movie tries to "be smart" by introducing a lot of plot twists here & there...but it miserably fails in that too as a result of how many plot holes it manages to create while doing so.
And one final (pathetic) note: since they have zero reasons to attract an audience by its own merits, the makers of this atrocity decided to lure in unsuspecting victims by saying that it's "based on true events". Well I did my research. Surprise, surprise: it is not. Best case scenario, there's no evidence to back their claims. Worst case, they're outright cheating & lying.
So take my humble advice and stay away from this. It's not even worth a watch for free.
American Gothic has it all. It starts with a coma-inducing opening sequence. Seriously, you better be well rested while watching it or you'll fall asleep in no time. It's long, confusing, tedious and very boring. OMG! I've just realized it's like the perfect prelude to this movie. Because that basically sums up the whole thing.
Nick & Guy are 2 inmates that just had a break: the van transporting them back to the prison just had an accident and now they're on the run. A short time after they found themselves at the door of a secluded farm house run by an ordinary looking couple. Things quickly go to hell and suddenly they get more than they bargained for.
Everything in this movie is bad. And I mean EVERYTHING. The script is an insult to the viewer's IQ. Editing is a joke. The acting is awful. Seriously, it's very very very bad. I've never seen a movie before where no one can act even if their lives depended on it. Believe me, I can handle bad acting but this movie is something else. It has main actors giving some of the most lifeless performances I have ever seen. It's sad! Photography? Bad. FX? Bad. Music? Bad. And the camera? Jesus! Amateurish doesn't even begin to describe it.
The worst part is that the movie tries to "be smart" by introducing a lot of plot twists here & there...but it miserably fails in that too as a result of how many plot holes it manages to create while doing so.
And one final (pathetic) note: since they have zero reasons to attract an audience by its own merits, the makers of this atrocity decided to lure in unsuspecting victims by saying that it's "based on true events". Well I did my research. Surprise, surprise: it is not. Best case scenario, there's no evidence to back their claims. Worst case, they're outright cheating & lying.
So take my humble advice and stay away from this. It's not even worth a watch for free.
Let me begin by saying I had such high hopes for this film.
I love Anthologies and I love horror. So this had to be a dream come true, right? Wrong. It was more like a nightmare. A really lame and boring one.
The movie consists of 4 short stories intertwined by an awesome abstract stop-motion animation. And let me tell you: the tiny pieces of it are wonderful. It's by far the best thing on this ill- conceived "horror" film. It has nothing to do with any of the stories though.
And since we're in the subject...the stories are just a bunch of hit-and-miss disconnected shorts ranging from the supernatural to the absurd. Well, OK...they're more like a miss-and-miss kind of deal.
Don't get me wrong. One of the stories (the first one) has A LOT of potential for greatness as a full featured film. The second and the fourth one are "alright" as little quirky tales (although unoriginal and poorly acted). The third one is just pure run-of-the-mill garbage.
The problem with all of them is that they're not good. At all.
They're boring, uninspiring and full (and I mean F-U-L-L) of clichés and plot holes. Oh, and NONE of the stories is scary. Not even a little bit. Even the first one, by far the best of them all, has enough problems to push true horror fans right into madness.
This movie not only asks you to suspend your disbelief. It asks for you to be lobotomized and shut every single functioning brain cell down.
There's simply no other way to "enjoy" it because at some points it's absolute nonsense.
The cinematography and editing are meh.
The FX are C-grade.
The acting goes from average to utterly awful.
The music & sound are OK. At best.
And the writing is amateurish and lazy.
The only redeeming quality in this almost empty movie is the very brief aforementioned stop-motion animation. Other than that...avoid this insulting atrocity at all costs.
I love Anthologies and I love horror. So this had to be a dream come true, right? Wrong. It was more like a nightmare. A really lame and boring one.
The movie consists of 4 short stories intertwined by an awesome abstract stop-motion animation. And let me tell you: the tiny pieces of it are wonderful. It's by far the best thing on this ill- conceived "horror" film. It has nothing to do with any of the stories though.
And since we're in the subject...the stories are just a bunch of hit-and-miss disconnected shorts ranging from the supernatural to the absurd. Well, OK...they're more like a miss-and-miss kind of deal.
Don't get me wrong. One of the stories (the first one) has A LOT of potential for greatness as a full featured film. The second and the fourth one are "alright" as little quirky tales (although unoriginal and poorly acted). The third one is just pure run-of-the-mill garbage.
The problem with all of them is that they're not good. At all.
They're boring, uninspiring and full (and I mean F-U-L-L) of clichés and plot holes. Oh, and NONE of the stories is scary. Not even a little bit. Even the first one, by far the best of them all, has enough problems to push true horror fans right into madness.
This movie not only asks you to suspend your disbelief. It asks for you to be lobotomized and shut every single functioning brain cell down.
There's simply no other way to "enjoy" it because at some points it's absolute nonsense.
The cinematography and editing are meh.
The FX are C-grade.
The acting goes from average to utterly awful.
The music & sound are OK. At best.
And the writing is amateurish and lazy.
The only redeeming quality in this almost empty movie is the very brief aforementioned stop-motion animation. Other than that...avoid this insulting atrocity at all costs.
