Dan1863Sickles

The theme of this episode is simple. Easter all around Atlantic City. Some celebrate with Easter Egg Hunts, others with heroin. Some families curse their neighbors, others juggle and sing songs.

Like every Boardwalk Empire episode, this one is steeped in nostalgia. There is a desperate longing for the lost era of white male privilege. And there's also a desperate need to glorify Catholic virtues, and the Catholic family is the bedrock of civilization.

A good woman is one who obeys her husband, makes babies, and keeps her mouth shut. Like Eli's wife June. And what's the alternative? A heartless, predatory, monster like Gillian, who thinks of nothing but her own sick pleasures and eats men like air. See what happens when women are allowed to make their own choices and live outside of male authority? They become insane, murdering sleazeballs.

Nucky can sleep with a different young girl every season, even though he looks like a mummified scarecrow. Even though he's already married! But if Gillian pursues a younger man, that can only mean that she's completely evil and hopelessly insane.

Don't even get me started on how they rip off Cool Hand Luke, with Gyp Rossetti trying to talk things over with God in the empty church. Was this meant to be funny? Because it certainly wasn't tragic or profound.

The only good scene in the whole episode is where Gyp persuades Joe the Boss to give him another chance. Of course, what Joe should have said was, "what we have here is a failure to communicate!"

This movie looks like a classic, and feels like a classic, and it's supposed to be a love story. Yet when it's all over you can't remember any of the love scenes. What sticks in your mind is the historical background stuff, like the cavalry charge across the frozen lake. And the way the soldiers pull the mean old general off his horse and club him to death. And the way the old man is ready to accept Lenin's rule but can't quite grasp the concept of "no more czars."

It's a story where feelings matter but nobody really seems to be in control of their own emotions from one moment to the next. Lara's first husband, Pasha, switches personalities three or four times for reasons that are never quite explained. First he's a schoolboy in love. Then he's a power mad fanatic. Then (off stage) we're told he's gone back to being a schoolboy in love again. "He died to save us from plot holes," gloats the villainous bearded guy who keeps turning up every hour or so.

Speaking of the bearded guy. Rod Steiger gives an amazing performance, leering and sneering and ogling Julie Christie with such oily delight that you can really feel the ramrod stiffness of his desire. But does anyone really believe that this guy could ingratiate himself with the Bolsheviks? He's such an aristocratic convention, the heartless seducer with the wit of Shakespeare's Falstaff and heartless cruelty of Richardson's Lovelace! Towards the end he compares himself to Caliban, which I think is really unfair to Caliban (a true working class hero if ever there was one.) In real life this leering cad would have been clubbed to death just like the mean old general.

But it doesn't matter. Julie Christie and Omar Shariff just have such a dreamy connection, even if you can't really remember anything they say or do. They just dream their way through the picture together!

The premise of Greek gods seeking a return to faded glory is interesting enough. And the way that love develops between Apollo and the stunning young anthropologist seemed compelling enough for me.

But what really ruins this episode is that it consistently casts Kirk in the role of heavy. Think about it. In most classic TOS episodes, Kirk is the one who motivates and inspires people. "You can do more, you can be more! You don't need to worship Landru. You don't need to worship Val. You don't need to worship the Fuhrer!"

But no. This time around, Kirk is the one who rains on everyone's parade. "Let her go, Scotty. You're too old. You're too ugly. You can't get it up anymore!" And then he's like, "You're not a god! Your time is over! We don't need you! Die, Apollo. Die, die, die!"

And at the end McCoy is like, "did we really have to do that?"