bastian-kreuzer

That should be the whole review but I'm supposed to write more.

Maybe there is one reason to watch this. You could get a few laughs at the expense of the ridiculous plot and wooden acting.

There are some things that really boggle one's mind though. A serious filmmaker shouldn't make so many dumb mistakes in one movie. There is so much nonsense in this movie that you have to wonder how it got funded and produced.

Right off the bat you know what you're in for as far as acting is concerned. The dialogue is wooden and slow. These people wouldn't be able to act if their lives depended on it. Linnea Quigley doesn't care. She's there for the check. She didn't even bother to remove her upper lip piercing even though a part of the story happens during the American Civil war. There's a bunch of female nudity in the movie but none of the women are attractive.

Blood River is a town that consists of three shacks and has six inhabitants in total. Two of them are vampires. There's a bar, a garage and a boarding house. There's a lot of woods.

One of the girls gets turned into a vampire. Her fake dentures look like horse's teeth. The second girl that gets turned winds up without her nose. The vampire queen has a couple of extension cords coming out from her lady parts and she sucks blood with them. The guys who fight the vampires just happen to have holy water in their pockets. Things like that happen throughout the movie for no reason whatsoever.

Its hard to find the right words to describe just how bad this movie really is. The acting is terrible. The plot is inane. Things just happen for no reason. The special effects and gore aren't that special. This is an example of pure schlock coming from director Christopher Forbes. Its only watchable for the so bad its actually funny factor. Just make sure you don't pay a single penny to watch it. That would be exactly one penny too much.