The ‘L’ bomb.

After spending a weekend recently in the city of love (Paris) and with the looming Vday holiday approaching, I felt like it was fitting to talk about the L bomb, Love.

I’m sure a lot of you assumed that because I’m a single gal, I‘d dread this upcoming holiday or have some girl power post about how this holiday is a money grab and is just a reminder of how single I am, but common now, that’s so bitter (who do you think buys all the discount chocolate on Feb 15th….). Now of course, I’d obviously prefer to be wined and dined and have someone to share this holiday with, but since I’m not currently dating anyone seriously, is it better to spend it alone or go out with someone new?

Over the past few years, my best friend and I have (conveniently) been away travelling in some exotic country and have skipped out on the holiday altogether, but I’m now faced with the looming decision of whether to accept a dinner invite or to go all ‘independent woman’ and ‘celebrate myself’ (this would of course involve a bottle of rose, a pizza and a handful of episodes of Vampire Diaries….I have heart eyes for Damon Salvatore, don’t judge).

So lets explore option one: the date. Let’s be clear, he was very adamant we would be going out on February 14th, so he’s definitely thinking we are celebrating Vday. We’ve been out for a dinner date once before (and for the record, it was quite fun), but isn’t this a bit too soon? I don’t even know the guys’ ! Now, you could think, ‘awe, how sweet of him!’ but I don’t think being surrounded by oogley eyed couples and heart shaped food would be the most ideal scenario just to avoid the other option of being alone… Let’s also keep in mind I’m not big on romance in the first place even if I was in a serious relationship, so it would feel sort of fake…So to be honest, (don’t think I’m some sort of ice queen), I do think I would prefer celebrating alone than with a semi stranger.

We learn a lot about ourselves in relationships but we also learn a hell of a lot when ridin’ solo. I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m ok being single, I genuinely enjoy being alone now, and I’m quite proud of that fact, because I was not always this way. I used to be such a boyfriend type girl, I actually chose boyfriends over friends (ugh, cringe!) and would jump from one relationship to another. I was terrified of being ‘alone’ but once I was single, I found you’re forced to learn about yourself, you don’t have a distraction of which to avoid looking yourself in the mirror, you look boldly at who you are and who you want to be, all of which I think makes someone a better partner in the long haul. And you learn you’re actually not alone, you lean on your friends and family more, you probably meet new people more easily and are more open to taking more chances (jobs, travels, ice creams flavours). Now I’m not saying everyone needs to be single to ‘find themselves’ but it is important to evaluate the reason you’re in a relationship, is it because you genuinely love that person or are you just scared of what the other option would be: being alone.

I was given the book, “The Alchemist,’ as a gift to me a long time ago. I was in a very confused part of my life, about to graduate university, trying to find a job and I was in a relationship that just wasn’t working. The person I was dating actually gave me the book and there are various life lessons to be learned from reading it, but one that seems relevant to highlight is the following: the main character, while in search of self discovery meets the love of his life, but she refuses to marry him until he completes his journey and fulfills his goal. I think this is such a bold move but she refused to let him distract himself with love and respected his goal so much knowing he would come back a ‘better’ person. We should all hold ourselves to that standard, to figure out what we want in life and in ourselves first, before bringing someone else in to share it with.

So I say we celebrate all the coupled up people on Tuesday, let them have their day, it’s special. And the rest of us? I challenge you to spend some time with yourself, and try to enjoy it. Try not to fill your day to distract yourself, but instead, embrace some solitude and be truly selfish by doing something entirely for yourself with yourself. And I extend this challenge to the couples too, you can also learn to be independent while in a relationship too. What’s the full package? Single or not, learning to be with yourself.