(404, TRY AGAIN, 40- SOMEONE LINGERS...) A crucial error on my screen, You were there a second ago, why wont you load? Maybe it's my fault, cookies clean, It must be an error, you're in incognito mode, Refresh, refreshing, It's okay to come back now, I can't sleep without browsing you, What the fuck do I do now? I cannot understand, Why is this happening now? Is my internet not good enough? Did I get banned somehow? No way, this just a little show, It'll go back in an hour or so, Your server was so reliable, This is so unjustifiable, It's just a little blip in the web, You would never lock me out like that, (YOU WOULD NEVER) I'll just do something else instead, Count the minutes 'til your service is back. Any minute now... (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, try again, comfort, danger, laughter, trouble...) (I can't process a single thing, my brain's been hit with novacaine, Got used to browsing every day, I can't adjust to anything, Maybe it's just down for a day, I say that for my sanity, When really I could never function in this new reality I'm staring at this empty screen, can't make a sound but wanna scream, Access denied to my routine in which you were a part of me, Just yesterday I logged in so the server's running fine, A 404 up just for me, leave my network behind) Okay, you can stop messing around now, It's been too long, getting an error sound now, If you wanna prove a point, you've proven it, Please just reload, pretend this didn't happen, Are you seriously down forever now? Cut off access just like that I'm not allowed? It's not fair, I'll do whatever, just don't go, Leave me and my browser out here in the cold. If I knew yesterday would be the last time I had access, I would take a million screenshots, go and download all your content, It just throws me off cuz when I went to bed it was still there, Only to wake up in the morning and receive a crucial error, The fuck will I do now? Do I just sit around all day? When all the memories of good times are only a day away? And I can't ever guarantee that your server will come on back Because I'm walled off on an error and there's no safety in that. (A crucial error on my screen...) (404, TRY AGAIN, 40- SOMEONE LINGERS...)

(Love it, love it, love it...) I know they always tell you not to give your information, But I'm different from the rest and so is he I know they wanna hate on us cuz our skype calls go crazy If the whole world is against it let it be Fuck all internet safety, just me and my chatroom baby, Our relationship is perfect as can be I added him on myspace just to show off all my pictures and he says that he still loves me just for me He would never skip a day just watch, He goes crazy for our guild meetings full stop, Yeah I know it started online but you'll see, My baby is so very loyal, just for me, And one day he'll come and visit and my heart will be so full, There isn't any fucking way that we are incompatible, I don't care what the haters say, if he's a million miles away, No fucking honeymoon stage, cuz this right here's the real thing He fuckin' loves me!!! ...And now he's coming over!!! ;D You wouldn't understand us, he's not being mean, just being real! He says he thought I might act different, but I know it's no big deal, And he's so funny with the ways he touches me, yeah it's the best! Yeah, I'm just fine, all of the time, nobody loves me quite like this, He always teases me, but I'm not insecure, it's just a joke, And when he tells me that he's mad he aims his insults at my throat, But it's okay, yeah I can take it, it's all following the plan, Cuz I know that he loves me so bad and he is my perfect man! He fuckin' loves me!!! He is my perfect man! The haters love to tell me that I'm in too far, it's too deep, but we all know they're just jealous, I can tell As long as we play games together everything is perfect, All that real talk can go and burn in hell, You just don't get him like me, he said that he wants to wife me, Picked my ring out, I'll be looking squeaky clean He's never complicated, it's like I already stated, He's obsessed with me and we will reign supreme He's so pretty when he sits apart from me, He can't wait until we get back to our game, He's my favorite and he knows he'll always be, Jealous that I found the perfect one for me, And we would never leave each other, never, not a thought at all cuz He's the alpha, pack mentality, we stay until we fall, The haters never understand, fuck it, drop 'em like confetti, Keep a lookout in your inbox, you're invited to our wedding ;D

Please, don't tell me what you think I want to hear, So hard to feel like a bad person for the last few fucking years, I want to scream and yell and throw a fit and run amok, But you can't seem to listen, all you want to do is fuck. I hate that when I jump you tell me "DO IT TEN MORE TIMES!", Give me that reassurance and then backtrack into lies, Hand me the map and mark it up so much it hurts my eyes, Then take it back when I find treasure as a fun surprise! 'Keep falling into circles I'll cut off my fucking head', I should have listened to the shit I wrote, not you instead, 'Why does it hurt to love you?' Now I know, I was never insane, I suffered catering to you. I can't cope in a healthy way I put the blame on me, Denial is so pretty 'til it's all that you can see, Like Tetris blocks we're falling faster every time it's wrong, Let's build our perfect future, light the fuse and throw the bomb. Please rope me in some more so you can say I'm not enough, I'll walk around blindfolded, let you put me in a cuff, I'll trust your every word knowing that something else is there, Respect is earned, but in your eyes I could never compare. Tell me more about the kind of future that we had, Let's all laugh together like it's not all fucking bad, Tell me how you're different from the rest, you have a plan, Don't forget to pretend like I ever stood a chance! Tell me why it's my fault so you can remove the blame, I'll hold your accusations so you never feel the pain, My family is worried, say I'm doing way too much, Please treat me gently, bandage me, then kick away the crutch. Got voices in your ears none of them are ever yours, Incapable of thought beyond the work you wont ignore, The times I shared my feelings you say I have BPD, months later getting tested just to find that isn't me. Shill me illegal medication, making me insane, So long as I can spread my legs you'll love me just the same, You drown me under labels never take me as I am, tool of convenience for you when life is not as planned. Life lessons work like circles, coming back to bring up hell, Looking back at your work, it seems you know this path too well, I can't say I'm surprised when I step back, connect the dots, Keep running away, ending up in the exact same spots. Give me a list of expectations one thousand feet long, And when I trip make sure you yell, don't help me move along. Make sure you say the things to keep me ignorant and blind, Then say that you're the victim once you go and change your mind. Let's build our lives together full immersion at the time, You think that what I do not know could never be a crime, Please lead me on and let still continue building trust, So you can call and tell me you might give into your lust. I'm picking up the remnants of our life fully alone, It's easier to run instead of face your fears at home, Pose impatience as gut feelings and spew it onto me, leaving a trail of garbage but it's fine because you're free. So much I want to tell you, now you've gone and run away, I spent two years in limbo feeling like I've gone insane, My therapist is scared she said I cannot hold it all, But I kept putting myself down for something that would fall. I'm sorry to myself, I should have never done that much, Beautiful Princess wants order, you leave in a rush, When all is said and done I don't regret playing the game, A beautiful princess can grow and you will stay the same.

Let's run away to Kagoshima, I'd say I'm a firm believer, Everything we want could happen, So let's run away together, Promise it'll all be worth it, Just this once, just trust the purpose, Wishing on the stars above to make everything right between us, Let's go it would be so right, Staring at the moon at night, Let's escape, get out of sight, Where everything would be alright, Promise it'll be okay and If you trust me, run away, I'll wait for you just like you said, If we don't go we'll end up dead. If we're suffering now, let's throw in the towel, cuz we have to start somewhere Started off as a joke, but now that it broke, I have one last thing to share, More than just an escape, for both of our sakes, we have to, it's only fair, Let's just run till we drop, no way that we stop, and we can go everywhere. Forget everything, let's leave it all behind, Only way it fails is if you change your mind, Don't look back, keep your hand in mine, Once we get there, we will be just fine. I forgot that you're stuck on something, Only love the idea of me, If we go I just know all my hopes will come true, You will learn to love me presently, Fuck it all, if we can chance it now, Things will come back together somehow, It'll be like we just met again, one more push, one last win that'll last till the end. I know you're in there somewhere, you can't really see, In Kagoshima we'll be who we're meant to be, It doesn't matter what the hell you think of me, I know it's crazy but what do we have to leave? I'm done playing nice I'm begging on my hands and knees, I don't care what happens go ahead and come kill me, If that's what makes you happiest then come show it off to me, Or come take a chance and run away where nobody can see. At this fucking point I'm hoping everything can change 180, turn back around, praying to gods, deranged, I don't even know you now cuz you've become so strange, There's a target on my head, and you're at the shooting range. Let's run away to Kagoshima, I'd say I'm a firm believer, Everything we want could happen, So let's run away together, Promise it'll all be worth it, Just this once, just trust the purpose, Wishing on the stars above to make everything right between us. Let's go it would be so right, Staring at the moon at night, Let's escape, get out of sight, Where everything would be alright, Promise it'll be okay and If you trust me, run away, I'll wait for you just like you said, If we don't go we'll end up dead. (Forget everything, let's leave it all behind, Only way it fails is if you change your mind, Don't look back, keep your hand in mine, Once we get there, we will be just fine...)

I lie awake all night to find, Your laughter echoes inside my mind, The ghost of your presence next to me, Clutching onto your shirt just to sleep... I can't eat right, I can't relax, I feel lonely, won't you come back? Don't you love me? I wish you were here... I look for you and remember, It's all gone now, changed forever, At least I can hold you in my dreams... I talk to your ghost, I tell him all about my day, But he's too quiet, it's all quiet, it's all gone. Sometimes I forget and I'll try to call your name, Only to be met with the silence of present... Oh what I would give to hold your hands just one more time, Waste my days inside of empty rooms but I'm not fine, Do my best to smile when deep inside I want to cry, Tell myself I'll move on, I can't move on if I try, It hurts too much here on my own, Bad thoughts inside a quiet home, If it were to end here for me, that's okay, Everything has a stain of you, Wonder if you are hurting too, You were my life, my joy, I just wish you'd stay... You said I was strong when that's just really not the truth, because I'm dying, I'm just barely hanging on, Held your shirt and cried and laughed for hours yesterday, and I imagined all the things that you would say... (Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye...) I wont forget you, I'm glad I met you, The good times will live inside my heart, I want your comfort, hard not to feel hurt, My love, my best friend, back to the start, I'll hold on dearly to times you loved me, I'll replay them all inside my mind, Though this is all new, a healing wound, It hurts but I know we'll end up fine. (Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye...) Oh what I would give to hold your hands just one more time, Waste my days inside of empty rooms but I'm not fine, Do my best to smile when deep inside I want to cry, Tell myself I'll move on, I can't move on if I try...

Touch me, hug me, squeeze me, 'love' me, I'll remain in place, You overclock the system, let it freeze, regain that space, The burdens of a thousand trojans scarred within my base, Security stopped scanning, have a smile on my face, Watching from above as the horrors play below me, Have to smooth it over, gotta terminate it slowly, I am not a stranger to this, these viruses know me, Turn my senses off, pretend that this is not unholy I'll play dead, Maybe you might stop ahead, Too scared to voice my own thoughts, You'll give a reason instead, Easier silent than single, That's what I would think, I built you up so high, I learned to let myself go sink. And now I'm doubting all my actions while you point out all the flaws, Feeling like it isn't true but stuck enough to pause, It's fun to play the savior until I got ahead, And when I stood up for myself you ran away instead. (I know I'm awake, but... I feel so foggy...) (No more, no more...) No more, not at all, I won't be violated, I'll rip a fawn response to shreds, I'll never be invaded, And it's not just you, from others, convinced myself I was hated, So badly damaged, couldn't tell a soul, patiently waited I started feeling anger towards myself instead of them, How fucking backwards is that shit? Those thoughts were coming from within, We'll do our best to scan the system, go remove infected files, Give my directory a kiss, replace them with something worthwhile Seeking out solutions, troubleshooting from within, Recovering parts of me that shrunk and grew too thin, Repairing the firmware of my mind, I'll take it back, Finding confidence and love for me I used to lack, I was told that playing dead's a smart way to survive, But I'm not here to simply breathe, I'm on this earth to fucking thrive, Make no exceptions, firewall is hella reinforced this time, I won't become encrypted, I will love as long as I'm alive I won't play dead, I'll do whatever I can, You could compress me again, I'll extract rage from within, Easier single than silent, that's what I know now, The me you knew is dead and I will never be knocked down, Overflowing heart with a weapon made of steel, I will act authentically, but will turn on a heel, Thanatosis protects you if you're someone's next meal, I'll stay the sweetest now but if you cross me again I won't yield I'll love me more than anybody could and that's a fact, Personify my thoughts and I'll make sure that I can act, I'll die before I ever close myself off, won't relax, I promise to take care of myself, foot in the right tracks, I'll love so fucking hard but I'll defend it even harder, I'm a person, friend, a sister, artist- fuck, I'm someone's daughter, Treat people the way you want the treatment or get slaughtered, I lower my tolerance for my own respect and honor. (The sun continues to rise... it's getting easier to breathe again... every day I feel a little more like me...)

I only wanted to be loved and seen but I don't go far to go find that now, Trial by fire and I passed so well that I left intact, reinforced somehow, Wanna be angry that I loved someone who lays hands on people they claim to know so well, Caught in an era of disguises, carefully picked and chosen, burn the fabric and give them hell!! I can be my friend, I'll be my hard drive, now hard-wired with the love and laughter I was seeking out in someone else, Once I stop pretending like I'm some outdated software I corrode all the plastic, burn away and let it melt, Turns out that the limitations I thought were encoded weren't real- It was told to me through oh so many mouths, Sad for everyone that all the upgrades that I wanted sat inside my core- Install them while I'm looking hot as hell I'll upgrade, come watch me, Optimized, new clock speed, New features, unlocked it, Made with love, nontoxic Brushing it off, cleaning the dust off my keys, Ready for war, don't need the in-app fees, So reinforced, I'm drop protected, well perfected, Clear so you can see the insides, don't be fooled its well protected I'm not a piece of tech just here to put your life at ease, I run so many processes- would make your system seize, My updater keeps running, keeping me alert and keen, Not an emotional fleshlight, I am a well oiled machine. Fuck off with that crap, Now so outspoken Back with a strap, Thought I was broken? Watch how you act, Go save your tokens New era, new me, tiptoe or I'll smash your skull in!!! I won't play nice if you won't play fair, I can't accept that for my mental health, See through your act, I took notes and memorized the ways that people act in stealth, Good fucking luck, you can't silence me, I know my worth so I'll go scream and shout, 28 years I put the world before me, stepping up front, that's what it's all about, I spent my life shrinking myself down so I would never ever be in the way, Life of a doormat who reached a limit and decided to reclaim herself, taking up more space, No longer fearful to speak up first and come in strong if someone comes along to spit in my face, Ripping the tape off my mouth, I am the only one who knows just how to keep my heart safe, I'll upgrade, come watch me, Optimized, new clock speed, New features, unlocked it Made with love, nontoxic <3