Ok so this is my first post, and by the seems of things a bit of a lame one I will admit. I've been a ML addict for quite a while, uploaded a few images & videos of other peoples stuff and made a few gallerys of stuff I love, but never put anything up that was actually personal.
I've been with a girl (Lisa) since Uni, for just over 7 years. She's really a great girl who I have semi moved in with, it's my place and she stays over most weeks. I live in a small part of a quiet country but I'm from a large town. She's a country girl who's quite shy but made the first move on me back when we started, and from that point on things were great. 2 years in and after moving into a new place at uni a new girl, Jemma, moved in, and after a few months we had a serious affair (even to the point where she'd let me fuck her anally without any concerns. All the time I stayed with Lisa, and I felt bad for cheating on her like that, but I couldn't help myself for wanting Jemma. I moved back home from uni, and cut things off with Jemma after Lisa broke things off with me. I made the big effort and made a declaration to Lisa that I wanted to stay with her and meant to marry her. That was 4/5 years ago, and I stayed faithful as I wanted things to work out. I moved back to the opposite side of the country to be with her, and took a job down here to be with her.
About 2 months after taking this job I met a girl (Kerry) who used to have my job (running a bar/ hotel) before she went away travelling. She came back to start working while she decided on her next step in life, and the first time I met her I was having a meal there with Lisa. She walked over to me to ask for help with some problem they were having, and my jaw dropped. This Kerry was stunning. I dropped the meal with my GF to help Kerry out with this problem, and was instantly drawn to her. We spent 2 years working alongside each other, flirty banter rolling off our lips like there was no tomorrow and no consequences. The beauty of it being at work was that Lisa was never there to see it. Nothing ever happened between us, and Kerry took a job working on 5* international cruise liners. She'd be away for 4 months at a time, and back for 2 months or so. I never felt anything for Kerry beyond a severe lust towards her flesh, but whenever I was with Lisa it just disappeared because I love Lisa enough.
Lisa is that sort of girl that is lovely, seriously homely, and has never really moved away from her family farm. She has an awful habit of dragging me down a bit with little remarks about things I like or want to do, by simply disapproving of it, not that I really pay any attention to her protests but I still hear them. I know her whole family (after 7 years not suprising, since I lived with her immediate family for a year when I first started my new job), and they all love me.
Kerry came back some time last year, and left early September and it was like she'd never been away. We went straight back into the flirting, but working in hospitality you sort of expect that behaviour, and she's got that flirty personality that I just passed it off as her being herself. One night after she finished and sat drinking at the bar I drove her home, and when she went to kiss me goodnight on the cheek she tried to kiss me. I wanted Kerry to kiss me, but out of some sense of honour I stopped it, and told her that it was because of Lisa that it couldn't happen. She got out of the car accepting this, and I didn't see her again properly until about 4 months ago when she came home on an extended leave.
I came back to work after 4 weeks off, and she was back there. Same Kerry as always, and damned near every male in the village telling me how stunning she is, like I needed any reminder! We were back to the flirting, the occaisional innocent touch as we passed behind each other but nothing untoward. She refused to give me a goodnight kiss on the cheek when I took her home, until one night I called her up on it. From then on she'd ask for a lift home, kiss me goodnight and that would be that... We had our laughs, and we get on like such a goddamned house on fire that I felt like we were back to how we were early last year. We even played a joke on a customer, telling him that we had gotten engaged, and that I'd proposed to her in the supermarket. She made the whole story up herself, and all I had to do was go along with it. That night we had a few drinks behind the bar, and since I'd had too much to drive she told me in no uncertain terms that I would be staying at hers, in the spare room. We snook back into hers, she went to kiss me goodnight on the cheek as usual, and I felt her almost trying to kiss me again. I ignored it and went to sleep in the spare room as I didn't want to get back into that situation again (I didn't even know at this point if she'd remembered what she'd done last year).
Then last friday night happened. Now bear in mind, Kerry has haunted my thoughts since that first kiss. I dwelt on that attempted kiss, even until that Friday. Kerry and I were working behind the bar, she had a few drinks more than me and I took her home as per usual. We got outside her house and we went for the usual peck on the cheek and again she goes to kiss me. Now being as crazy about Kerry as I am, and after kicking myself for nearly a year about not accepting the last kiss I uttered "For fucks sake..." and kissed her back. After a half hour of making out, me taking her clothes off and winding up rubbing her clit through her panties she stopped me, and it got a little awkward. She told me it couldn't happen as I was "smitten" with Lisa, and that she had felt like such a fool for trying to kiss me the first time. Also that she had liked me back then, and after the liquid courage had tried to kiss me because of that. I told her that I had made my bed and that I supposed I ought to lie in it (with Lisa). She reminded me that I'm only 27, and we had a stilted sort of conversation, with her getting out of the car telling me that I needed to sort my shit out and not just for her sake.
I got back to my house with Lisa in bed at about 5am, with her all lined up to hostess my family around the area for the weekend. I spent all weekend with her slightly grumpy for no apparent reason to her, though it was really because I didn't know what the hell to make of the Friday night/ Saturday morning. This girl I had tried to convince myself that I didn't want had made another move on me, and I simply couldn't stop myself a second time... She's THAT hot! Lisa took my infernal family out for the weekend and did her best to take care of them, all the time I'm wishing to see Kerry again.
Tuesday comes around and Lisa decides that she's going back to the farm for the week as she needs to catch up on the work she's missed. Her self confidence is low in general, and I know she would be beyond distraught if she had any idea of what had happened Friday night, never mind the ensuing Tuesday night.
Kerry had arranged to have a few leaving drinks on the Tuesday night, as she was going away to a wedding today. One of my absolute best friends Barry was invited, though by a circumstance I wound up back at work on my own so they all came into my bar to be around me. Kerry, her sister, a friend of hers and another girl from work. Barry I know has a big thing for Kerry, as has most of the male population of the village. All of them sat the other side of the bar with Barry having a great laugh, but me with eyes only for Kerry. It got to 1am and I closed the bar, Kerry a total clusterfuck with drink after doing a few body shots off the other girl from work and a couple off me.
I went downstairs to cash up for the night, Kerry comes down to ask if she can have another round of shots even though we're after the license. I tell her of course she can, we chat a while before she says to me "Ok, so I'm going to go back upstairs because I want to kiss you right now, and it's bad". I tell her "Sometimes people do bad things" and she walks right over, sits on my lap and kisses the hell out of me. I've had enough of fighting the urge to get my hands on her and went back for her. I'm half watching the CCTV cameras to make sure no-one comes downstairs to catch us, and proceed to heat things up a bit. I eventually stop her, tell her to get her ass back upstairs and pour that round of shots out before some-one suspects something. She goes back up, I finish off cashing up and she's back downstairs for another bottle just as I'm putting the nights takings in the safe. I grab her again and kiss her, which she tells me "You think this is a game, but it won't last", and after a short making out she goes back upstairs.
I get upstairs, she leads me out the back of the bar out of sight and starts making out with me again, obviously I have no compunction about it by now and am eager just to get my hands on her.
Eventually we get everybody out for gone 2am, and I am told I'm giving her a lift home, to which we get in the car and we're instantly back on each other. We go for a drive and wind up out in the middle of nowhere, parked up in a layby on a tiny little country lane. We start talking about what happened, and how she's irritated that I have a GF, but that I kissed her. She tries to tell me that I must've known she's liked me for such a long time. I tell her that I couldn't have known as she seems to be like that with everyone, and that until she tried to kiss me on the Friday night I didn't know if it was just the alcohol that was what had made her try to kiss me the first time. She understood that, and we talked about how she had wanted me for such a long time, but thought herself such a fool for trying to kiss me the first time. She then told me that she's never really had a relationship with anyone as she has people she fucks, and people she likes, and never the twain shall meet. Until me. She really likes me for myself, my personality and the way we just suit each other, and obviously in a sexual way. I tell her about how much I've wanted her since I first laid eyes upon her. We talk then about her personality, as she likes new toys all the time; new gadgets, new clothes, new stuff all the time. I wanted to know whether it was just the thrill of a new thing, and that once played with and done with that it goes back on the shelf and is never wanted again, as that's what I don't want to become. She tells me she's not even sure if that's what it is, compounded by the fact that I belong to someone else and that I'm supposed to be unobtainable, but also that she wants more than anything to be with me. She also says that she intends to spend the remainder of the next 10 years working on Cruise ships.
She then says that she's not sure if I'm essentially just an itch that she has to scratch and that it would get me out of her system. I tell her "There's only one way to find out", to which she plants herself on me again. This time we kiss and kiss and eventually wind up getting naked in my car, I frig her off to the tune of 2 courses of multiple orgasms committing every moment to memory in case it never happens again. We don't fuck, but after eating her out and hearing her come so many times the 2 hours we spend at it become too much. We get dressed and I take her home, with her telling me that she wants to fuck me on the bosses desk. Kerry tells me she's going to kiss me again before she leaves to go back to the house, and we part for the day.
Then yesterday I knew I had to see her again before she goes away for another 4 months, and that I had to see if when she was sober she still felt the same. I pick her up after going for a meal with Barry, talking of nothing but her (and how she's said to him that on her wedding night she intends to perform the Selma Hyek dancer scene out of From Dusk Til Dawn for her husband!). We go for a drive and park up outside where I go to the gym, and we talk shit for an hour or so with me just resting my hands on her legs. She tells me she had better get back as she's done no packing, at which point I decide that I have to taste her lips again. We make out for another half hour at least, and we stop because she's leaving in a few hours. I take her home again, she kisses me passionately on her driveway and says goodbye.
She's as cold and dispassionate about people as I can be, and this makes it hard to read precisely what's going on... but it also makes her such a fucking ball-breaker!
I guess I'm posting this because I need some feedback on what I should do, I still love Lisa but I'm not sure that I can love her that much as I'm willing to do all that with Kerry? But if I'm not going to see Kerry for 2/3rds of the year? And what if I am just an itch that has been scratched, is it worth throwing away 7 years with a girl that is still devoted to me?
What would you guys do?
PS- thanks for reading.... I know it's fucking dull!