Kevin's Songlist: (Click)
The Marmite Song .....(streaming)
C............................................................F...........................C
I was lost, so lost in Tesco's, in an endless maze of shelves,
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where those trolley pushers jostled, being each one for themselves,
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I was hunting for the Marmite, which was nowheres to be found,
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and I'd searched through rows of pickles, as I wandered round and round.
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Then a wandering assistant came to help me as I cried,
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and I reached out with a trembling hand, and I asked - and she replied
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"Oh the system's very simple, if you'll understand the plan,
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.....the Bovril's with the Gravy, but the Marmite's with the Jam,
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.....the Bovril's with the Gravy, but the Marmite's with the Jam.
I was out there in the traffic, I was lost out on the road,
so lost and tired and angry, I was ready to explode,
and the radio was blaring, with that irritating crap
"Well Hullo you happy drivers!" "Sure I'm struggling with me map!"
And I raised my eyes in anguish, called to heaven for some sign,
for some hint that there's a meaning in this world in which we pine.
And a voice from heaven answered, saying "The Master has a Plan -
.....the Bovril's with the Gravy, but the Marmite's with the Jam,
.....the Bovril's with the Gravy, but the Marmite's with the Jam."
Well I died and went to heaven, went to see the One in Three,
Who said, we're pretty busy, son, just come back, after tea",
so I sat upon a drifting cloud, and I viewed the passing scene -
which was very like Killarney, though it wasn't quite so green.
And everything seemed in its place, and I couldn't work out why,
so I asked this passing angel "Pray tell me Sir," says I -
"Ah" he says, " it's very simple, the Lion lies with the Lamb -
.....and the Bovril's with the Gravy but the Marmite's with the Jam
.....the Bovril's with the Gravy, but the Marmite's with the Jam.
16th June 1994
I wrote this the day a new Tescos opened in Harlow (that's three we've got now - the Harlow Triangle). It happened the way I describe it in the first verse, and it is still true for Tescos, though not necessarily for other supermarkets. Several people have said it's been quite a useful song to them. (It's very sensible really - people normally spread Marmite on bread and butter, like Jam and they mix Bovril up with hot water, like Gravy.)
In a way this is a vegetarian anthem, though I'm not a vegetarian. Mind you, I'm being driven that way, what with mad cows and all. Bovril and Marmite look very similar, and taste quite like each other, but Bovril is made out of dead cows, while Marmite is made out of yeast.
One thing I discovered from the Net is that apparently Americans don't have a Marmite equivalent - I came across this in a news group called rec.arts.wobegon, for Garrison Keillor afficionados. Someone posted a sad story about how they came across this nauseating substance which they thought would taste like chocolate and it didn't.
The Americans don't have Tescos either, or Bovril, I think, so this isn't a song that will travel. Though Australians have Vegemite, which is blander and more malty, but essentially the same, and if any Aussie feels like singing it with Vegemite, that's fine by me. Both Marmite and Vegemite are made out of some by-product of the brewing process I gather, so that's all right.
All songs copyright Kevin McGrath 1994