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Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of cellophane, killstreak, FML, selfish creature, i feel you under my skin again, soulseek, what's up?? (feat. ISSBROKIE), viscera, and 8 more.
1. |
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Play for crumbs
Hope for closure
No reprieve
Derelict composure
Say I will
And know I won't
Just take your things
And let me go
The fog is thick
The air is cold
More than ever
On my own
I say my peace
And live in hope
So naive
Grief has taken hold
Artificial light
Is poisoning me
They're watching and I'm certain
They have control over me
I'm way too fucking intense
The pressure way too pure to ingest
I say it and wince and try to make sense
Of moments I've dreaded more so than the rest
I say it in jest
Then say it again
I speak with my chest
And wish you the best
The sinew abscessed
I yearn for caress
The greatest distress
To ever express
Dextroamphetamines
Chronic sleep disorder
Bodies lie contorted
Dead, she looks like
Porcelain
The art of disappearing
I can't tell my spirit
That it's all you know
The floorboards are so selfish
The way that they creak
So egregious
So outrageous
The wind chill outside forces a hushed groan
And the bellowing of beckoning call
Desolate, decayed, decrepit homestead
Try not to focus on the details or downsides
Summoning, I've waited for my whole life
Waited for my whole life
Dextroamphetamines
Chronic sleep disorder
Bodies lie contorted
Dead, she looks like
Porcelain
The art of disappearing
I can't tell my spirit
That it's all you know
Dextroamphetamines
Chronic sleep disorder
Bodies lie contorted
Dead, she looks like
Porcelain
I fucking lost my mind
I try all the time
But I just can't let go
Play for crumbs
Hope for closure
No reprieve
Derelict composure
Say I will
And know I won't
Just take your things
And let me go
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2. |
bruises
04:22
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Only felt their presence once
I haven't slept in like two months
Limestone settled in with dust
It never mattered who I was
Every moment melts to dusk
The ground's cold right to the touch
The kind of quiet that you've always feared so much
So you fill the room with sound
Don't keep me in the dark
Light bends around the trees and through the yard
Ice too dense to break the pond
Calling out to no response
Only felt their presence once
Haven't slept in like two months
Limestone settled in with dust
It never mattered who I was
Every moment melts to dusk
The ground's cold right to the touch
The kind of quiet that you've always feared so much
So you fill the room with sound
Don't keep me in the dark
Light bends around the trees and through the yard
Ice too dense to break the pond
Calling out to no response
Got Promethazine in my cup
Menthol cigarettes and my blunt
I'm dying, I feel sick
Run it up and I get stuck
Thighs all covered in cuts
Spill my fucking guts
Already told you once
The heart just want what it wants
The heart just want what it wants, yeah
The heart just want what it wants
It's harder to do it
I'm just going through it
I'm just so confused
Express it in music
I trust in myself
I'm scarred with contusions
Believe the delusions
I've outlived my use, ugh
So damn tiring
So damn like me
That's why they don't like me
The shadows that hide in my walls
They look just like me
So damn frightening
Succumb to the pressure and give up my voice
Trapped here alone and I don't have a choice
Assign all my value to creative outlets
Don't get what I want then put it in doubt
Then try it again to the same result
It weighs on my passion
My outlook get dull
Try to make shit that pull on the heartstrings
Looking around and why are they laughing?
I gave you my soul
And made it the truest
Don't mean when they say
That they want real music
It's hardly enough
But I'm still going to do it
That's why I don't listen to pussies and losers
Knees covered in bruises
Waste time with excuses
I stay unamused
And make my improvements
To meet my own standard
We fucking on camera
Never had shit
So fuck your handout
Got Promethazine in my cup
Menthol cigarettes and my blunt
I'm dying, I feel sick
Run it up and I get stuck
Thighs all covered in cuts
Spill my fucking guts
Already told you once
The heart just want what it wants
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3. |
crashout
01:48
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I would never choose you over medicine
Pessimist
Pestilence and estrogen
Serotonin deficit
Fuck that boy
See how fast I'm gon' leave?
Fuck that boy
See how fast I'm gon' leave?
Told ya a million times that I never fucking needed ya
Needed my drugs
Needed my cuts
Needed my smut, yeah
Smoking on Runtz
Get ya mans touched
She wanna fuck, yeah
Mud in my cup
Drinking my blood
Smoke in my lungs, yeah
Two at once
Making her blush
Don't give a fuck, yeah
Any moment now and I might just crash out
I could make it look like suicide
It's just like you love being lied to
I told you
I would never choose you over medicine
Pessimist
Pestilence and estrogen
Serotonin deficit
Fuck that boy
See how fast I'm gon' leave?
Fuck that boy
See how fast I'm gon' leave?
Told ya a million times that I never fucking needed ya
Pay by the pound
Don't know the amount
A wave in the drought
I'm airin' 'em out
Like, wearin' 'em out
I'm scarin' 'em now
Fuck that boy
See how fast I'm gon' leave?
Fuck that boy
See how fast I'm gon' leave?
Told ya a million times that I never fucking need ya
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4. |
2009
02:07
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There's a reason that we
Never saw each other back home
There's a reason that I
Never really called your phone anymore right?
And I already got a bad heart
Tell me once again how we got off on a wrong start
And it really ain't that hard
All I had to do was follow through like a gunshot
Now it's 2009 in Missouri
And everyone's alive when I stay inside my memories
And my grandmama still wanna talk to me
And my old boy clothes don't bother me
Well they sorta did
But I didn't know it yet
And mom didn't know that she was having twins
Before we sold the house
And packed up went to Illinois
We only stayed there for like six months
But I didn't make a friend for about five years like
Now it's 2009 in Missouri
And everyone's alive when I stay inside my memories
And my grandmama still wanna talk to me
And my old boy clothes don't bother me
Old boy clothes don't bother me
And my old boy clothes don't bother me
2009 in Missouri
And my old boy clothes don't bother me
Don't bother me
Now it's 2009 in Missouri
And everyone's alive when I stay inside my memories
And my grandmama still wanna talk to me
And my old boy clothes don't
Now it's 2009 in Missouri
And everyone's alive when I stay inside my memories
And my grandmama still wanna talk to me
And my old boy clothes don't bother me
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5. |
shoulders
02:56
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When there's
No one
Left to please
Wonder
Who I'd
Even be
When it all began to freeze
That was when I got to breathe
When it all began to freeze
That was when I got to breathe
Went down to the nearest town
About two days walking
Paralyzed in fear of them stalking
In reality I don't think that there's anyone left
But I wouldn't even know it
Picked out a couple dresses
The few in the back with the best fit
In the fitting room, start undressing
Pause momentarily
Gaze down at myself
Then through the mirror
I don't like when I see her
When I see myself I see weakness and guilt
Misdirection and fright
Scars, stretch marks and cellulite
Selfishness selling lies
Surgery just to hide
A softer look in my eyes
And features just like his
Your shoulders just so broad
You always look so tacky
Transformation and light
Softer look in my eyes
Surgery just to hide
Selfishness and lies
Selfishness and lies
I just wish I died
No, you cannot hide
But I would always
When there's
No one
Left to please
Wonder
Who I'd
Even be
Sold my
Soul for
Other broken things
Treading water
As it begins to freeze
There's nothing special in me
I've started bearing my teeth
I've started wearing my age
Barely fit in a name
The buildings start to decay
Everyone goes away
Everyone goes away
Transformation and light
Softer look in my eyes
Surgery just to hide
Selfishness and lies
Selfishness and lies
I just wish I died
No, you cannot hide
But I would always
When there's
No one
Left to please
Wonder
Who I'd
Even be
There's nothing special in me
I've started bearing my teeth
I've started wearing my age
Barely fit in a name
The buildings start to decay
Everyone goes away
Everyone goes away
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6. |
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Where did all the days go back when we had the time
Always said we were friends for life
Back when everything was so well aligned
Then I said "Goodbye"
And I kept a piece of myself in the things we left behind
I couldn't even stand to give it half a mind
Part of me thought that it was better just to go in blind
Had your little heart in this palm of mine
Kept a piece of myself in the things we left behind
I couldn't even stand to give it half a mind
Part of me thought that it was better just to go in blind
Had your little heart in this palm of mine
Little white lies on the dotted line
Every time I worry tell me I'm fine
No it's really not, don't fucking lie
Devastated by the loss over time
And our love lives on deep inside my mind
Fantasize sometimes
Doesn't feel quite right
But I need it tonight
And I kept a piece of myself in the things we left behind
Couldn't even stand to give it half a mind
Couldn't fake being this dumb if I fucking tried
Had your little heart in this palm of mine
Kept a piece of myself in the things we left behind
Couldn't even stand to give it half a mind
Couldn't be this dumb if I fucking tried
Had your little heart in this palm of mine
In this palm of mine
Everything crumbles in my hands, right
Isn't that just what you said last night
Don't take it back, don't try
You can either leave or live with it
Either fucking way goddamnit we're finished
Why don't you just admit it
Haven't been good for me in a long time
Kept a piece of myself in the things we left behind
Couldn't even stand to give it half a mind
Part of me thought that it was better just to go in blind
Had your little heart in this palm of mine
Kept a piece of myself in the things we left behind
Couldn't even stand to give it half a mind
Part of me thought that it was better just to go in blind
Had your little heart in this palm of mine
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7. |
bound by fate
02:48
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It was you
It was you
It was you
It was always you
It was you
It was you
It was you
It was always you
Now I'm picking up the pieces, right
How could you sleep at night
It's only skin deep
What you mean
Sink my teeth in, right
Told that boy don't need him, bye
Broke my heart and told me lies
Sold my soul a million times
And wished you die
Or say goodbye, oh no
I don't need you
You need me
I know
I don't need you
You begged me
Don't go
Don't go
Ugh
Need it while I'm fiending, right
Get it while I'm geeking, right
Do this every fucking night
She just want my weed and Sprite, oh Lord
Bound by fate
What a waste, ha
Yeah
Don't fuck it up
Don't fuck it up
Don't fuck it up again
Astrid
Don't fuck it up
Don't fuck it up
Don't fuck it up again
Don't fuck it up
Don't fuck it up
Don't fuck it up again
Astrid
Don't fuck it up
Don't fuck it up
Don't fuck it up again
Picking up the pieces, right
How could you sleep at night
It's only skin deep
What you mean
Sink my teeth in, bite
Told that boy don't need him, bye
Broke my heart and told me lies
Sold my soul a million times
And wished you die
Or say goodbye, oh no
Don't fuck it up
Don't fuck it up
Don't fuck it up again
Astrid
Don't fuck it up
Don't fuck it up
Don't fuck it up again
I'm like
Party every fucking night
Do it because I'm fiending, right
She just want my weed and Sprite
I get it because I need it, right
Weed and Sprite
Bring her to her knees in time
Love to hear the way she whines
And says she's mine
I know, I know
I know
I know, I know
I know, I know
I know
I know, I know
I
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8. |
me asf
03:24
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Know you can't run from me
So tell me what you want dummy
Don't care if it's what I need
I need someone here to comfort me
Cuz I really like your company
Don't care if it's what I need
So tell me what you want from
Tell me what you want from me
Cuz I really like your company
Don't care if it's what I need
I need someone here to comfort me
Who the fuck cares how you feel
Got too real, now I'm chasing new thrills
Said I wouldn't do it but I fear
Been about six things since I was sixteen:
Money, power, pussy, leanin', weed or making beats
Doing every drug 'til I can barely think, yeah
I can barely breathe, yeah
Now it's onto finer things
I didn't mean to mislead
Can't hide
Don't try
Can't make them all like you
Don't lie
Can't hide, so tell me what you want from
Tell me what you want from me
Cuz I really like your company
Don't care if it's what I need
What I need
I'm decomposing so slowly
Watching and hoping you'll notice it change
No matter what I do, yeah, it's all the wrong move
Sorry my bad that it all fell through
Always leaving little lies
Act grateful for their time
I'm not really
I just have obligations to
People I don't even really know, wow
People I don't even really like, damn
They don't really care about my time or my interests
They just want a picture or a motherfucking mention
Damn
It's all in my head
I'll paint the walls red
There's a gun in a lockbox under my
Under my bed
Can't hide
Don't try
Can't make them all like you
Don't lie
Can't hide, so tell me what you want from
Tell me what you want from me
Cuz I really like your company
Don't care if it's what I need
So tell me what you want from
Tell me what you want from me
Cuz I really like your company
Don't care if it's what I need
I need someone here to comfort me
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9. |
egomaniac
03:00
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Don't you run from
From from
From run
Me me me me me me
Don't you
Don't you run from
From from
From run
Me me me me me me
Don't you
Don't you know that you can't run from
Me me me me me me me me
Don't you wish that you were just
Me me me me me me me me me me me me
Me me me me me me me me me me me me
Me me me me me me me me me me me me
Me me
Don't you
Don't you
Don't you
Don't you
Don't you
Don't you run from
From from
From run
Me me me me me me
Don't you
Don't you run from
From from
From run
Me me me me me me
Don't you
I'm addicted to attention
And my perception on the internet
Authenticity games
I'm never winning 'em
Gave it all that I've got
And this is where I ended up
Up up up up up up up
I'm such a sucker for the love
Love love love
I know I'll never be enough
Enough enough enough
But I could buy her so much stuff
Stuff stuff stuff
Everything is crumbling around me
Da da da da da
Don't you run from
From from
From run
Me me me me me me
Don't you
Don't you run from
From from
From run
Me me me me me me
Don't you
Don't you know that you can't run from
Me me me me me me me me
Don't you wish that you were just
Me me me me me me me me me me me me
Me me me me me me me me me me me me
Me me me me me me me me me me me me
Me me
Don't you
Don't you
Don't you
Don't you
Don't you
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10. |
soul eater
03:09
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A million miles a minute
What'll be left when I'm finally finished?
A million lives I've lived
That's not who I am anymore
He was swept by the tide
And washed on the shore as a lifeless corpse
Wondering if it's worth even fighting for
Always wanting more
Hollow when I peered into the core
I'm haunted by his ghost
Looking for a way home
In the absence of light
Entities hide just out of my sight
Ushered in by the afterlife
In a quiet moment
Between the River Styx and existence that was always
Riddled with bitterness and spite
My perspective is distorted
The illusion of time is pathetic when you're watching from infinity
I just have this affinity for making a mess
Always stressed
Try my best
I can never get some damn rest
I can never get some damn rest
The River Styx has an arid taste
I could never place why I left in haste
Falling short, second place
In a rut, what a waste
Never called, hesitate
All the wounds I could not erase
All the wounds I could not erase
All the wounds I could not erase
All the wounds that I
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11. |
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I feel content wash over me
A couple things I couldn't synthesize in harmony
Let the dissonance ring out
Find comfort in it now
No use in getting out
So you might as well
Fall apart like you always have
So irresponsible, but I'm really moving forward
I think
Blink and miss it
Living off commission
No end goal, I'm livid
It wasn't worth it is it
Guess it's time to end it
I make my final exit
It was all my fault and I admit it
I admit it
Blink and miss it
Living off commission
No end goal I'm livid
It wasn't worth it is it
I try to carry all the weight
There's a tangible disconnect every single time I see my face
I know there's something wrong with me
Love the way you talk to me
So flattering, it's hollowing
The shallow imprint that I disdain
Hold my breath until I suffocate
Lose track of all the time and watch the minutes start to melt to days
Expectations built around everything I couldn't be
In the end I knew it really wasn't meant to be
I knew you wasn't meant for me
I see the angels sent for me
I told you once I wouldn't be
Happy if I let it be
Happy if I let it be
No, you wasn't good for me
Blink and miss it
Living off commission
No end goal I'm livid
It wasn't worth it is it
It wasn't worth it is it
I guess it's time to end it
I make my final exit
I know there's something missing
Still think about us kissing
Shattered by indifference
And no, you never listen
But that's too real to mention
When details are so faint
Distended by all of the pain
Filled eternally with hate
A certain sharpness, oh, to the rain
I promised that I could just change
Chase what I feared to embrace
Fervor starts to go away
It fades away
Regardless, you just stayed the same
404 HTML page
Only took a couple minutes to put out our flame
Here's the song you always wanted
I never loved you if I'm honest
But I'll give it all I've got to keep it modest
Blink and miss it
Living off commission
No end goal, I'm livid
It wasn't worth it is it
It wasn't worth it is it
I guess it's time to end it
I make my final exit
I admit it
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12. |
exhume
02:40
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Dismemberment
Bones, flesh and skin
Panic sets in
And I can't breathe
Can't sleep
And I can't think straight
When's the last time you used your head?
Everyone said you were better off dead
So you had to prove them wrong but at what
What cost?
What of you
What of you have you lost?
Just to retain some petty type of attention
Burn it up
Tear it out
You know how to let me down
You give me the runaround
I just can't take it now
Let me go
Let me go
Let me go
Let me go
Let me go
Let me go
Let met go, yeah
Infrastructural nightmare, yeah
I can see them standing right there
They possess all the streets that I walk through
They connect all the dreams and the nightmares through it all
Said I couldn't do it and I can't
Don't know what you expected from me
Go back to where you came from
I mean, go alone
It's okay, I just needed some time alone
I just needed some time alone
I just needed some time to collect all my thoughts
Put my heart in a box
Wait for it to stop, yeah
I'm so tired of me
Burn it up
Tear it out
You know how to let me down
You give me the runaround
I just can't take it now
Let me go
Let me go
Let me go
Let me go
Let me go
Let me go
Let met go
Down
(Infrastructural nightmare, yeah)
(I can see them standing right there)
How to let me down
(I can see them standing right there)
Oh, you know how to let me
Let me down
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13. |
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They're all out to get me
If you want I'll set you free
Feel your spirit around my room
Please don't tell me I lost this too
If I could I promise I'd save you too
The plans fell through
The bad I do
Is that what this is all about
I always knew you'd come around
The way you love to hold me down
I can't just let that happen now
Head start to the grave
I just can't be saved
Oh, make me safe now
Head start to the grave
I just can't be saved
Oh, make me safe now
Feel your spirit around my room
Please don't tell me I lost this too
If I could I promise I'd save you too
The plans fell through
The bad I do
Feel your spirit around my room
Please don't tell me I lost this too
If I could I promise I'd save you too
The plans fell through
The bad I do
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14. |
pathological liar
00:37
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It's a survival thing
You wouldn't understand it
We're further than the
Distance of two planets
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15. |
parasite
03:07
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If the moonlight were yours
If your ashes come to life
Would you please just lay me down
It's all pretend
I tried to kill myself three days ago
Hide my problems from everyone
The Klonopin's taking its' hold
And I'm too weak to say it
Forty pills in a day, shit
All this shit just to chase it
I see I'm growing complacent
I just lie here, wasting
There's no sense in hatred
When I'm already faded
And I start to taste it
That ice degrading
Heart pace elated
Track isolated
I've been tweakin' like a motherfucker
Trying to get this shit right
Trying to turn this bitch up
Fuck, I need another whore
Just to count my money up
Just to snort all my drugs
Just to fuck her up and send her home, like, uh
Just to send her home like
I been tweakin' like a motherfucker
I been geekin' like a motherfucker
Snort four lines, they run the length of my phone screen
You ever fuck off of blow
Then you'd really fuckin' know why I'm so damn cold, ha
This the part of the relapse
Where I don't give a fuck and do what I want, like
I'm so viscous, that's why I'm alone
Don't bother to call up my phone
I'm so viscous, that's why I'm alone
Don't bother to call up my phone
Don't bother to call up my phone
Don't bother to call up my phone
Ha ha ha ha ha
Everything you give, bitch, you get it right back like that
Shit, I look good in all black, like damn
Keep it on the low
Keep it on the low, yeah
They ain't got to know
They ain't got to know, yeah
Everything you give, bitch, you get it right back like that
Shit, I look good in all black, like damn
Keep it on the low
Keep it on the low
They ain't got to know
They ain't got to know
Keep it on the low
Keep it on the low
They ain't got to know
They ain't got to know
I've been tweakin' like a motherfucker
Trying to get this shit right
Trying to turn this bitch up
Fuck, I need another whore
Just to count my money up
Just to snort all my drugs
Just to fuck her up and send her home, like
Just to send her home like
I been tweakin' like a motherfucker
I been geekin' like a motherfucker
Snort four lines, they run the length of my phone screen
You ever fuck off of blow
Then you'd really fuckin' know why I'm so damn cold, ha
This the part of the relapse
Where I don't give a fuck and do what I want, like
I'm so viscous, that's why I'm alone
Don't bother to call up my phone
Don't bother to call up my phone
Ha ha ha ha ha
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16. |
indifference
03:25
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Nature is not kind, nor cruel, but indifferent
Nature is not kind, nor cruel, but indifferent
She's indifferent
Nature is not kind, nor cruel, but indifferent
That's for wishing it
That's for wishing it
Nature is not kind, nor cruel, but indifferent
She's indifferent
Nature is not kind, nor cruel, but indifferent
That's for wishing it
Heh, cool
Messaging is in the way that you interpret it, internalize it
The grass grew as it's supposed to
Not just cause you fertilized it
It'll hurt a while, it's supposed to
But I wouldn't trade the time that I had with you
Blindness to suffering is inherent of the consequences of natural selection
I've heard beauty's in the details and that's a shame just cause I half-ass everything I do
Everything I do, except with you
I'm the most colossal fuck-up of my generation
I don't mean to be so melodramatic, or panic
But at this point it's just
(But at this point it's just)
Straight up embarrassing
Service disconnected due to insufficient payment
Don't you hate it
Nature is not kind, nor cruel, but indifferent
She's indifferent
Nature is not kind, nor cruel, but indifferent
That's for wishing it
That's for wishing it
Nature is not kind, nor cruel, but indifferent
She's indifferent
Nature is not kind, nor cruel, but indifferent
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astrid Chicago, Illinois
she/her, 22
@omfg_astrid
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