Kylie Minogue is driving me crazy and not in a good way. I’ve tried everything to get her stupid song, Locomotion, out of my head but it’s still there, even almost 24 hours after I heard it playing at the mall and Laurie started singing along. She was joking, of course. It’s not like she would be into that kind of song and the words to the chorus aren’t exactly hard to remember.
I’m sitting in the little room now, by myself, doing everything I can think of to exorcise Kylie and her stupid song from my head. I started off by playing The Cure really loud. That didn’t work so I sang along even though I know my voice is shit. But no one is home, so there’s no one to hear it. That didn’t work so I tried something else — This Corrosion by The Sisters of Mercy. Nope. No luck. No dice. Locomotion is stuck in my brain.
I’m on to the Cabaret Voltaire now, playing Sensoria over and over and chanting along. I shake my head along to the beat. The ceiling in the little room is too low to actually dance. I turn the music up and shake until my neck hurts. I’m dizzy and flushed and almost expect to puke up Kylie herself in some sort of Linda-Blair-in-The-Exorcist moment.
Sensoria on repeat does the trick and Locomotion is banished until I call Laurie to tell her about it, then it’s back in my head again.
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Image: Kylie Minogue, Us magazine, October 17, 1988. Photograph by Nick Elgar/London Features.
Welcome to the Little Room is a series of 250-word re-imagined vignettes from my ’80s youth with a focus on music and style. It appears weekly on periodicult.com.