Today is the first day of Tui's dream life. She snuggles in bed with her well-meaning paakeha (white) boyfriend, Edward. Everything's perfect until her vagina, Teke, calls him a loser. Offended, Tui tries to ignore her chatterbox's advice ...See moreToday is the first day of Tui's dream life. She snuggles in bed with her well-meaning paakeha (white) boyfriend, Edward. Everything's perfect until her vagina, Teke, calls him a loser. Offended, Tui tries to ignore her chatterbox's advice on not just food and clothing but love. Edward announces an upcoming surprise for Tui, and, in an attempt to silence her incessant vagina, Tui goes to the waxing parlor. Stinging, Teke fights back. They battle it out in epic harmony. As Tui wins the sing-off, they are interrupted by an awed Edward. Edward takes Tui on his 'surprise' date and offers a make-up 'chat' with her annoyed vagina. The sex is over before it begins though for a conflicted Tui. Her mind wants to be with him but her vagina says otherwise. Edward emotionally declares he is 'now Maaori' because of her, pops the question with an ill- gotten and poorly woven flax ring, and Tui finally decides Teke is right. Edward leaves, culturally appropriating as he goes, and Tui is left alone. She cries with Teke and calls her friends over. Even though Tui is sad, Teke celebrates, giving her a 'flap-clap' for finally listening to herself. Written by
Tainui Tukiwaho
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