keep my heart open // x-men reunion, 2pacalypse now! // allegories soaked in they origins // everyone’s a bit older // grays’ trial runs // echo in the mouth first // kids to save, already…? // we playing house with whiteness // military grade picket fencing // rune escape // paid pretty, living, to keep an upright bass // sloth becoming tuesday // balance them miracles with cave painting // my declining worth rap for overdraft shelter // is it to pass time or to slave? // linearity has never been my friend // latex free in the glove department // still hit it raw // more embarrassed at the pharmacy // tsundere blush // essays for my deadpan mistress // stay sane // the song says stay sane // stay sane // santa through black gates // like a thief in the night // we make due without chimneys // artificial flame, my fireplace vibrate // i stare at the light //

my shame in sheep’s clothes // no place safe for solutions? // then plant the world in a foxhole // bedtime a scam, “i go, you go” // digitized wingspan // carried love through rubble, high as the dead go // magic gone, like mike // no more jordans tied to those telephone wires’ torsos // the silence is listening, breathing // music like a warm hug on my mind // horny then remorseful // i ain’t no failure, alien to what could’ve been // my shame in sheep’s clothes // trust fall axes // contact metadata access sights from borders // disappearing acts scale rot against bulletproof firewall // either way, propaganda our dance floor // the past’s a vegetable state // two-step, floral // last resort, trojan // warrior or war horse? // pawn shop rotoscope trail pandora // i watch the unknown from prostrate // i watch the unknown from ruin // babel tower sundown, drowned in muddied slate // my shame, my shame, my shame my shame in sheep’s clothes either way silence follows us just shame in sheep’s clothes walking in limbo avoiding the truths hiding from you and hiding from me i know your name and it follows me my shame, my shame, my shame my shame in sheep’s clothing to avoid danger athena tells me stay out of touch and stay out of reach i’m not me now i’m part of the herd now shepard tell me where to go my shame my shame my shame my shame in sheep’s clothes i forget who i am i’m not me now i’m part of the herd now shepard tell me where to go my shame, my shame, my shame my shame in sheep’s clothes

how long // shall we // try our best? // how long // shall we // try our best? // (the greats show dominion!) // (the greats show dominion!) // how long // shall we // try our best? // how long // shall we // try our best? // burden in my supposed of the north artificial selective door hinge brick and mortar // “perceive-not” syndrome take advantage of cheap rent // dominatrix play along rope // tied to bed frame with keys to the coffin // percussive force against scrawny ribcage // hell’s fresh coated pavement // road street-named intentions // answers to teenage angst remnants at the end of a belt buckle threat // black and blue gi // black tie, ivy cap // knight’s badge adorned // whiteness is a bodysuit // subscribe to the boys club // simon says typo my favorite pokemon // back when bowties were still cool // thought my pops was supposed to know what’s best for me // can’t help but feel his response in serve of interests // i get it though, rest is for the taking // from couch to unlocked door cycle // in his arms a forget-me-not plea // How long can a nigga try honestly Fighting inadequacy every time I sleep Survived tragedies, still question my vitality My American dream is to live casually But is that an option for me Invisible man, my footsteps are obsolete Will I see more than the city concrete Or am I stuck on this melting pot Looking up, it feel like the sky is bout to drop I can't fathom breaking out of this chasm Every day is a dice game, but imma make it happen Dancing in rain, looking at the puddles with laughter Is it for pleasure or pain When you think about it that shit is all the same

bone of bone, flesh of flesh // stone // how can i trust my instinct knowing it corrodes? // blinded by experience // tainted by prejudice // bullet wound threats on my mom’s solar plexus print // i sat closely in her womb, permeable // as the towers fell // pleading // i repay for life in limits i shouldn’t have to // wrapped in a clutch // steady streetlight echolocation // but that 25 cents for saving though // no feeding the gargoyles no matter how thankful // kept capital as separation degrees // why i sleep with the door closed still // imagination one use from tin foil hat // had to convince myself the wash closet wasn’t ghostfreak // i’m still running from venom // night terrors i don’t need the nightlight // clanging of a minefield // night terrors i don’t need the nightlight // clanging of a minefield scuffling between walls // these hands were taught to reserve for safe keeping // quarter dollar for saving // no feeding the gargoyles no matter how thankful // no matter how grateful //

long distance // nudes to ether on a mail pigeon // blackness in response to gender essentialism // intellectualize pain // anything for hope // consumption for a sake // pried for more // fresh shave // social contract signed in brookdale fetal // born with a pen for a blade // line’s rigid between love, haste // guilt walk through walls glitch threatening decay // waste ink on polyester // cpu sweat the sickness, sometimes // feels like the blood in my eyes // fever running through // coarsen my veins // stove top tension in my ankles // affirm my victim hood // chalice, lemon water for little spoon // her fangs to my wrist // glass slipper present foot // spit fluid wire transfer dna affectionate // but malice sustain the self // 40-60 // there-the mute i resent! // illusion of progress //

we ain’t free until they free too, word to mavi // all pseudoscience ‘til its gender involved // then love to the law talking points // your favorite groomer prolly a repeat offender // 31, 19? sneaky! // clock strikes more than 12 numbers // just truth, don't shoot the messenger // that’s the government’s job! // the best victim backseats // moment drawled around objective // liberation costs, i drop the dollar like ball // hoop dreams // passive presence, that’s what kept me around // hero time // dick’s out for agency when sex feel like a power struggle // unlearning quiet as an escape // drinking game date rape // bitey bitey // my body’s happy dance play dead // Let’s get it cracking Like a stingray snapping On the crabs in the ocean Ion fuck with a lot of shit I stay inside unless I’m summoned Sanctioned niggas know how the Tide approach in Wash you up if I ain’t rocking witchu Lost in the waves I’m tryna keep my Mind open, empty It’s overflowing Walk with the divine Everybody around me culminated Of the most potent Toss you past the outlier Like a football round the grown men We play hard out here And I ain’t got time for suddy snake shit I clip you out the grass Clip you like a barber slap Alcohol on your hair line it’s scolding I’m here til I’m gone I’m here til I’m not Don’t call foul it makes the play drop I got my sword out punching and swinging Break my leg fighting til I fall And the pain stops Living tryna live I’m running, fast It’s a marathon But I’m still trying hard ion know why But it feel like requirement To give what I give

a theory, yo! // a theory, yo! // ethereal!!! // the past my secret lover // i borrow tundras from her lungs, under covers // moon steady as in dreams // still dance, inheritance calm // waves crash, chaos theory // who’s to say my disposition oppose instinct? // my worst traits persisting, persistence // moss slithers // generate new variations of the same petals // withered when tossed // ethereal, megan and i at the seafood boil five stars, in joggers // i don’t ask questions // why i fall for heavy sleepers // is she mine or not? // another’s pain a vessel for pleasure // and they hate me because i’m helpless // turf wars “as a man….” ass nigga // admitting’s the first step, i’m no better // my own myths based around working memory // movie clips // guns eroding // sprawling dirt // the last, first // service short as it is long // head cannon the thought cop // a portrait of my scowling moms // reappear with the sun gone // return for mourning // heard it all, seen more // nothing you can say could hurt more // born under stars, just to ??? // born alone, live tonight //

i’ll solve all your problems // i’ll solve all your woes // born made for boombox // resting atop doomsday clock // fate comes and goes // checkpoint crystal ball // baby bible like codex giga // little hands, shadow swans serenade my forage for more // tongue forced, awkward hugs // new problems to solve // stories God born // thanksgiving table a tourist // bodies pressed against mine, patchwork ritual // truth a pocket dimension // watching from an action figure // i’m not a doctor // i’m just brought // power to intention // surveillance prowls what’s intimate // you can’t hide, the white man’s my stench // indigenous or not we lost the land’s secrets // new problems to solve // revenge gon’ swallow me whole // my body carried in its receipts //

when nature’s supposedly all algorithms // in failure resort to paraphrase, circuit settings drawn // nokia phone seat armor at the eye of the storm raw bravado // nostalgia paraphernalia // call and forced response blueprint the lightsaber sword // known vs perpetuate arms for oars // case the dam break hold // wildmutt seeped, tsunami summons ripjaws // my form of peace informal // testing the limits of obedience // agoraphobia truth??? anywhere i’m consumed // institutions as places to sift through // not bleed // you won’t bleed me, pampering the pandered to // escape a black hole // the means contour around expectation // dopamine fixtures, copyright to captcha // capital double back as a haven // desperate for what i need // nothing around me what i want, even // desperate for what i need // nothing around me what i want, even // desperate for what i need // nothing around me what i want // even when they not // the appearances still sincere // petty automated messages switch to deadname // like bank statements, nothing’s personal kid // asked who paid for the date // they could’ve said an old friend //

her wallet hangs like a mistletoe // maturity, fixed above true love // sometimes bad credit’s better than “nope!” // property’s an algorithm // twitching dark figure, ‘til it’s translucent // dust to dust // what’s hers is her familial goals // what’s mine is third spaces’ revenge, unambitious // trumpet marionette from a fucked lip // good dollar makes a man of a silhouette, cookie cutter // string theory bank code, downward spiral // contentness eventually declines // midlife crisis // early 20s, young and homebody reckless // all that anti-capitalist shit seems idealist // she settled for some of that mo’ better // tomorrow comes baited breath // she settled for some of that mo’ better // do more better! // sometimes i miss the destructive texts // phone sex and drift away // pacing in a confined terraform // dexterity of “i’ll handle it” // Barcodes color my teeth/Every copy comes with a crease/Tension in my hands, the resume sighs when released/Jobs wobble under the feet/Newly encumbered reprieve/Company video planting phrases in YO memory emphasizing team/Teams, more ADP variations than Covid strains/I live in betweens/Blindsided, but my silence appease/I love my mother but she wasn’t put on this earth to teach/Mumbled, “I’m stuck” and they politely reminded, that’s on me/Dug in my cleats, my summer fully bundled to heat/I can shrug off the depression, but I gotta eat/Frail chest to beat, fled to the drums/Dropped the diary to a mum/Spoiled my love and retreat/Hate myself so bad, I’m mad you’re loving me/LinkedIn spamming me to use my severance on Premium/How long the cycle repeat?/Sigh of relief/Punctuate the call/Finally found someone who work the phone lines worse than me/I color silver linings in grief, My life depends on the answer, the phone convo is brief/Lucky if the lines have holds, 30 minutes, play inside of my boxers/Blunts lining with keif/Heard the album, said the writing kinda oblique/But I felt you

few minutes before 7, decaying night shift // i kiss what i can make visible of her chest, gentle as an offering // what i don’t pay forward becomes a cult // dead skin surrounds the mouth piercing swell // two months, no usual love // lips left just posturing // inaccessible grief compartmentalized // layers behind layers behind layers… // skyns to archipelago // 40 acres between us // free the land from slogan // buzzards overhead crop circle // dwindling promises the outskirts of an @ // acknowledgement is a suicide pact // God warping survival tactics // my molars a cheek pouch // what faults during ramadan is happy accidents // beanstalks sprout down my throat from stomach acid // split gum combat bad breath // intertwined, she held my tongue // hands over the crescent bench // in cheap blackout curtain glasses // forged innocence from preservation // we walk worn footsteps // ‘04 honda cardboard time machine travel mockeries of the present // twin towers erect in olneyville sit-in // living is for the most adept // mom and pop’s or branded // i learned your name from the past // said through my mother’s scrunched face // backseat, confused until i understood, so // when i met you i thought it was fitting // when i met u, i couldnt predict the rivers pourin out ur face i was swimming in em, thinking that u never broke kayfabe til u did it was summertime entanglement, no Jada Pinkett cornfed cherubim goat head like baphomet South of Nazareth, we click like castanets Blasphemy according to who? Ur God aint carve those tablets abandon all hope mouth of madness plaque read "no others before me" its only u in those landscape tantrums she wanted punch drunk love inane ramblings but i hit so i wouldnt go phantom dentist visits every weekend got plenty of room to dig in dont swallow the taint n decay, u better rinse n spit before u floss wit it, a full body cleanse starts at the opening World cavin in but there's heat at the center im just a warm body in the freezing cold winter u can try n spread ur legs on my twin bed of nails but my aura sorta fat, reminiscent of a whale subterranean u aint snatching my holy grail passion play, temporarily bearing the shame claimin righteous but the mentals unchained privy to the pleasure but blind to the pain i wanted free rein til i didnt i skip the refrain til i miss it

g.i. joe new millennium suicide bomber // by way soon to be instinctual back throw // another dollar, plus the 20 dumped for single mothers // reckless abandonment stolen treatment // from 14f kiddie me wondering if someone will call for cover // military scene, dramatized close up, dive roll // i watch time fall from barred windows // like a dream deferred // 106 & park yoshi dance dance revolution on a rubik’s cube // i wonder if dust will bellow like blood towards heaven // at least forward to the l train, sutter ave. // or a thud // becoming one with the cloudy day // and pigs crawl // human centipede arm leg in spades from the 75th, home invasion // and my legacy, “he barely left the baby cradle” // what sticks is decaying context, muttley laughter // God in the prairie land after image // shards of an emerald chasm floor plan //dotted like ma’s plexiglass chess plate // little caesar’s and boomerang in jay’s play-pin twin death bed // family clings hooks, my veins tense //

censorship still carry the sentiment // beanie sigel, honorifics muted // nose to the roof at ignorant sh*t // 5th alarm this week // burnout with no preventative measures // fresh pull between periods // slap a pig teacher with a milk canteen // firemen no show // children invasive species rent staircases // populate obscurity, roam free // block packed like latin on museum frieze // age get me through // metal lung undetected, pushing 30 // should’ve been more militant // but can’t tell my kids they worth more than they dreams // () wanna be a lieutenant // not gonna tell her the best of listeners make great enemies // go and get that degree // and do what thou wilt // wudu before i type you, “Godspeed” // wudu before i type you, “Godspeed” // mutual respect // elizabeth st., premier what of the moment in lens // hoax sermon absurdist accurate ends in dance // i’m passing pizza slices by the napkin proud // every first name syllable said a protective prayer // against the worst of freedom // for y’all, i take the world stubborn as my bad habits //

Eyeeeee, cant see an end coming soon eyyeeeee, plan on still loving you thru the tomb eyeee, know that when i say that it implies doom but eyeeee, *rlly* cant see an end coming soon pickin chunks of you out from under the nails if i could just borrow like a week or maybe even two where i don’t invest in something that fails rubbin the temples muttering to my self there’s love in the sales how tough am i? i cant do the milk started the day off with nothing but nails ran the route that was laid before me like i’m runnin the mail, but i soon realized it was only a ploy to cover the trail but it failed caught the smell i learned that from barney the old hound dog learned a lot from him, like when he went i learned how to turn the sound off hardest part you’re using a round bat tryna hit a round ball yo it’s the tooth brush shoe scrub while i tune up the new bumps, the juice oozed then dubbed sunk into the bench and figured it won’t hurt too much to lose one insomnia s’more cookies like water for chocolate // abomunist entrance // creole africeture romance jazz standards // i still held push-pull, chivalrous // fulcrum barters stretch between the void english presents // newlywed’s eight baby photos intertwined // a twig ideal catcher’s spider web // house cleaning for guests, cultural eject pack // shame in the daily told done seeming without tact // dual canons on when we met // soft launch umbilical cord no retwists // lived and born black // meaning a willingness to be born again // world end innate, not inevitable // loud mouth backpedal // kova corrects my every response // lost in translation for her moms // i feel a way, but, private stock less important than love // group therapy with unread text messages // 1am, her smile a mirage in dry spell // It gets hard this time of year. No Christmas like the first one then the baby moved. There wasn’t another. It still hurts some blessed enough for FaceTime, callin every night just to hear her say hi, as she begins askin questions I can’t answer til after she waves bye in therapy, unloading my dirty laundry onto the coffee table, and sorted through it, carefully. awful and embarrassing, awkward, stilted rambling, winning stupid games, my reward’s a distant fantasy I can’t quite picture through the veil of arguing and agony. My faults fell on her shoulders. How often it was happening was wrapped in both trauma and tragedy. The aura unravelling. Meanwhile my music’s starting to actually find an audience, get hired by my dream job, yet the balance beam collapses, its brackets landing at my feet. became agoraphobic and acrobatic, excuses my gymnastics stretchin the truth until it tattered into stupid, useless fragments, intricate loops and patterns weaving through my life like looms and fabric There was no room for static, too much booze and food to add it. Cruisin past my right mind, sight blinded by my viewing habits. She wanted the grownup I said I was, not the excited kid with whom she ended up. I was pretendin and didn’t know what pretendin was. Withdrawals so bad they can’t locate the source of the pain overdrawn on my bank account, so there’s no bottle I can buy, or dispensary I can drive to that can escape these runaway trains of thought as they spiral off-track. I remembered every woman who helped me carry my flaws in attempts to resolve em and with the exception of social workers and my mom, they were all Black. The guilt has tripled, if I don’t face it, I risk erasing shit just to fill in the same blanks in the same ways with the same names, no different than the white men I criticize in two-hundred-eighty- character rants. Can run hard as I want my shoulders are where embarrassment lands.

i dream in a ball… // consistent set of dreams // sign of sober life // kevesi grind rail // junction purple sky // consistent set of dreams // sign of sober life // kevesi grind rail // out-sourced natural light // a fiction world worth making change in // the first thing the last // maya-joi marooned by a chain link // my inner child femme me // north star crucified on grail // exalt spirit from gender performance // if i can even say // trapped in my father’s stance // inertia, drumline praise // facebook cloned myspace mafia // landscape unity to scale // violence simple point and click // group video, living trailed americanized nihilism tax spread bed rot // call to arms my tomorrow’s problem to plan // white flag, gold gauze // abstraction luxury at a cost // wormhole, blood in wake of infirm stand // but at expectations, lash out // selfish son vs get your own // my solutions home grown // ginger ale and a smoke filled spoon // in meal caught a glimpse of God // because that’s all belief alone to do // i’m no better…// on eid we wear margiela this dunya hana barbera cartoonish i stare at the moon what are we to do? they bomb the schools and disregard the proof what are we to do? all we can. you not a man, you make excuses these rappers turned actors turned assets blame god n back the blue am i asking for a lot in continuity? niggas smart when its convenient they think we stupid shut the fuck up clean your jewels same shit they kill our babies for you niggas tools for who? white supremecist consumers and idf producers i wish it wasnt the truth i wash it down with proof forgive me god im out here too influenced i only take my shots they take us for some fools if you let em theyll have their cake and eat it too shit if you let them theyll have YOUR cake and eat it too where we taking this whats our vision for the future? what are we gone do? im not easily impressed im just as hard on myself i don't subscribe to their fetishes fuck all them therapist raps yall like the bars or who said it? yall love the stars and attention id rather my star and crescent aint never question who my savior was put some more thought in ya messages i need consistency in dreams a sign of sober life fruition in the days not just wishes through the night i dont mean to spark division i just be wondering sometimes i be wandering sometimes