NIGHTMARE IN BADHAM COUNTY (1976)

I actually saw this TV movie when I was in my early teens. It was during the end of the ‘70s, a time when I still had no idea what a B-movie was. It was on late at night on some cable TV channel. What I do remember thinking, however, is how impressed I was with the whole thing. Innocent girls, life in the slammer... It reminded me of another TV movie I had caught prior to this one called CAGED WITHOUT A KEY starring Susan Dey from THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY. If you ever get the chance to cross path, watch it. It is indeed worth it. NIGHTMARE IN BADHAM COUNTY tells the tale of two UCLA besties on a summer road trip who are falsely incarcerated in a Southern prison farm when they meet a sheriff from hell. What happens to them and the other inmates will forever change their lives.  

Without revealing too much let’s just say that, boy, they sure don’t make them like that anymore. I don’t think they could anyway with all the segregation and name calling going on. You see, the two leads happen to be black and white and when they aren’t even allowed to talk to one another once in the detention camp, planning an escape route as a team becomes almost impossible. Of course NIGHTMARE IN BADHAM COUNTY is more than just being driven by race. It is foremost a story about strength and survival grade-B style. Curvy inmates, wicked wardens, women-on-women action—the sleaziness is all there but played down to the hilt to comply with the TV censors (check out the international cut if you want some female nudity). Still, it is quite daring for its time, I must say. 

The movie follows the same pattern as those other sleazy TV films of the era, such as DAWN: PORTRAIT OF A TEENAGE RUNAWAY (prostitution), LITTLE LADIES OF THE NIGHT (prostitution), ALEXANDER: THE OTHER SIDE OF DAWN (male prostitution), BORN INNOCENT (juvenile detention for girls) but what stands out most in NIGHTMARE IN BADHAM COUNTY is the level of acting led by its two female stars, the late Deborah Raffin from LACE 2 and KNOTS LANDING Lynne Moody. Both give bravura performances worthy of Emmy nominations. OK, perhaps not exactly on that level but they do deserve some praises. In fact all do, from TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL Della Reese to Robert Reed from THE BRADY BUNCH fame and let’s not forget GILLIGAN ISLAND Tina Louise who plays against type as a sadistic prison guard. I almost failed to recognize her with a face shed of makeup and a tomboyish attitude. 

NIGHTMARE IN BADHAM COUNTY has already reached the DVD market in 2012 as part of an eight-movie pack aptly named MOVIES FOR THE MAN CAVE, but I think it’s time for the film to resurface as a solo act. Perhaps in the form of a Blu-ray edition that of course would include both censored and uncensored versions and loads and loads of supplements. I’m sure this would make fans, like moi, very, very happy. So what do you say, Shout! Factory? Do we have a deal? 

Until next post—Martin

'JACQUELINE SUSANN’S ONCE IS NOT ENOUGH'—THE FILM

Poor January in 1975 ONCE IS NOT ENOUGH (the late Deborah Raffin from LACE II), the girl’s got big daddy issues. But can you really blame her when the daddy in question is none other than Kirk Douglas? Talk about a Freudian flick. It’s enough to blush from head to toe just thinking about it. But not I. I’m an old pro at this game. Not about having daddy issues (although after a few drinks, watch out), but seeing the world without rose colored-glasses—especially in films. Forget about all those Hollywood goodie-two-shoes invading our screens. Give me a Nomi Malone or a Jerrilee Randall anytime. OK, I admit, this January broad isn’t really in that same category, but she does try her hardest to be.

　

The craziness starts when twenty-something January joins her father in the Big Apple. Two things we learn in  this scene: January is a little green, having spent all of her youth in a Switzerland hospital recovering from a freak motorcycle accident; and her newly married dad is a down-on-his-luck Hollywood producer living off his wife’s wealth (Silver Screen legend Alexis Smith). After he introduces his daughter to her new stepmom, who turns out to be a closeted lesbian (right on!), a disappointed January sets out to conquer the world. In comes her old high-school pal turned magazine editor Linda (PAPER DOLLS Brenda Vaccaro) who offers her a job. She’s the poster child for re-constructive surgery ("I had a nose job, my tits were lifted, my ass was flattened an my knees were straightened."), plus she’s got a mouth like a sailor. The two join January’s folks at a local restaurant where they also bump into Tom (TV’s THE FUGITIVE David Janssen), a famous alcoholic author à la Norman Mailer. Who? Google him. Linda wants to do him, but he only has eyes for January. Since he’s old enough to be her father, January is interested. But the relationship soon suffers after her dad interferes. Plus Tom seems unable to give himself entirely since he much prefers booze and destructive behavior. In a heartfelt scene tagged by a beautiful Henry Mancini score, we see little January walking into the sunset, lost forever in the Big Apple. The end.

Well, at least that’s what happens in the film version. In the novel, January—high as a kite after taking some LSD at a party—disappears after encountering a UFO (cue in the STAR WARS theme). But as you might guess, Hollywood Honchos weren’t in favor of filming such an outrageous conclusion. ONCE IS NOT ENOUGH is supposed to be high melodrama, not an encounter of the third kind. Speaking of melodrama, I forgot to mention that in the mix of all the fluff comes the news of a fatal airplane crash involving January’s dad and his rich wife. So you can imagine how devastated she truly is when she goes MIA.

When not focusing solely on January, the film features a cast of colorful characters. And truth be told, they all add a little bit more camp to an otherwise basic storyline (girl meets much older boy, older boy is smitten but only for a while…). Paramount Pictures spares no expenses focusing on slick designer duds and exotic  locations. It being the last of Susann’s adapted work on the big screen, I can honestly say that ONCE IS NOT ENOUGH is more subdued than any other efforts based on the author. But I still say go for it just to see Kirk Douglas take a shower in front of his maid. Now, wouldn’t it be swell if someone in La La Land decided to put Susann’s posthumous novel DOLORES to the test? It’s all inspired by Jackie Kennedy’s relationship with billionaire Aristotle Onassis. It would make a WONDERFUL film. Oh wait, it’s already been done as THE GREEK TYCOON with Jacqueline Bisset and Anthony Quinn and it’s as addictive as any Susann flick. Remind me to review it one day.

　

Until next post—Martin

　

LACE II: DADDY’S GIRL

Here’s how I like to envision it: after the success of LACE on ABC, the powers that be rushed out to make a sequel. Problem was, one of their leading ladies, Bess Armstrong, was unavailable. Worse, the continuing story suggested by author Shirley Conran failed to make everyone happy. In the book, Lili (played on TV by the very glamorous Phoebe Cates) is kidnapped. Most of the novel centers around getting her back. This didn’t bode well for the producers since they desperately wanted the spotlight on Cates again. So what they ended up doing is make the kidnapping victim Judy Hale, Lili’s mom. That way, most of the miniseries would once again highlight the L’Hirondelle school for girls in flashbacks; while, in the present, focusing on Lili’s ultimate quest in finding her real dad to pay for the high ransom. Sort of like the hidden years of Lucinda Lace (Judy’s fictional heroine) crossed with a Nancy Drew-ish investigation. Juicy, right? Well, not exactly.

The main problem is Bess Armstrong’s replacement, the late Deborah Raffin. Her take on the Judy character is all wrong. Judy is serious, opinionated, a bit rude at times. In this one everything she does and says spells a different person. If it’s not her laid back attitude, it’s the way she makes silly jokes, as if Judy had a sense of humor in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, I like Raffin as the next guy, but she’s totally miscast here. And what about the whole silly plot of dragging her kidnapped ass to the jungle? We get it, she’s been tricked into thinking she’s getting her biggest scoop yet. But the whole I hate you I love you shtick with her suave captor has been done to death, and frankly, we’re ready to move on. So who’s to blame, here? The screenwriter—Elliott Baker—mostly, who did come up with the silly plot. But I suspect he had no choice but to follow orders. How else can you explain all this drivel?

Another thing that bugs me is that Lili’s accent is MIA. I know, her foreign dialect is hardly credible in the original LACE but at least it makes sense that her character should have one (remember, she was raised by the Dassins in Château-d’Oex, then became a prisoner of war in Hungary before escaping to Paris). In this sequel, however, only the American accent survives. Which is fine in itself, but shouldn’t she at least add a little European flavor to it, like oui, non or Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques...? Anything to prove that she is who she claims she is. Because as it stands, I have my doubts.

Which brings my biggest pet peeve: Lili’s prissy manners. Now that she’s found her mother and all is happy with the world (at least for a while), it looks like Lili’s sex symbol image has definitely taken a step back. Gone is the baby face-pout, the insolence of her ways, the exhibitionist extraordinaire… Now it’s mature Lili to the rescue, the voice of reason almost; leaving little of her old self, which, to me, spells inconsistency. Remember, part two follows exactly where part I left off, meaning the time-lapse between the two is to a minimum. But strangely, Lili—just like her mom—almost becomes a different character. And don’t tell me it’s because she’s more grounded now. A person does not change that quickly. Thanks heaven Maxine and Pagan stay relatively the same (besides having two different-looking husbands), but share less screen time. They mostly act as foils to Miss Lili. So, I’ll say it again: shame on you, Elliott Baker!

I  know. You don’t have to tell me. I obsess over this way too much. But I had such high hopes for LACE II. I wanted it to be as wonderful as the original. Heck, I even wanted it to become a weekly series. And maybe it would have been had it reached the success of its predecessor. But it only did okay in the ratings. I should have known it was not meant to be the moment Lili’s face appeared on a Times Square billboard without the notorious theme score to back it up. Oh, the Deniece Williams song did grow on me over the years but, alas, just like this sequel, it never reached the level of amazement. Still, I do check out LACE II every once in a while. For, despite its many faults, I still enjoy it to a certain degree (especially the scene involving Lili and the astronaut on a balcony which to me captures the real essence of LACE). And watching the continuing misadventures of Lili is better than nothing at all. But as someone very wise once said: what the f—. My thoughts exactly regarding LACE II.

Until next post—Martin