Mid Month Update

 It's the middle of April. We have power back after the outages. Had it since the first. Our elevator works in theory but in practice sounds like it wants to quit at any time. I'm not chancing it till it's fixed. There are others like that here too.. 

But I want to talk about something else. Maybe this is part of my depression, I don't know.. But most of this week so far I have not had the want to eat. I'll be hungry, but it won't ignite that "Hey, maybe I should make/get/eat Food" instinct that comes with the territory. For a couple days I was very dizzy, short of breath and alternating between cold and hot. I know it's not a bug unless it's something that is transmitted by not being around many people. 

Really since Sunday I've eaten spaghetti, a couple chocolate bars, a couple burgers, and fries and popcorn chicken. Supper was two bottles of Ensure. I have some meatballs in the oven because I'm hungry and forcing myself to eat. 

Drinking has been even more difficult. I don't have that thirst that comes normally right now. I almost have to consciously remind myself to drink something. 

Now, the reason I wonder if this is part of my depression is this: For the last few weeks I've been feeling completely and utterly stuck. Frustrated. I can't articulate the feeling, but it's just feeling like it's bubbling closer to the surface and I'd explode. Explode as what I don't know. Anger? Crying? Wanting to harm myself? I don't know. And that scares me, dear reader.. 

Now, I know this blog doesn't see nearly the eyes of my main blog, but my hope is that someone who might have an idea can maybe let me know. 

Also, use this as a reminder to check in on your friends. I know our lives are busy. It takes 5 seconds to text "Hey.. You ok?" 

Power Outages

 Over the past weekend most of Ontario was hit with an ice storm and lost power. I found something interesting. 

Storms can bring people together to help out but they can also get people at each others' throats. I have a theory on that. 

For the helping, in circumstances like losing power for multiple days, you find people checking in on others and trying to help each other meet basic needs (food, water, etc) On the flip side, the stress from the outage and the major disruption to routine has people getting agitated, making them more likely to argue or just get angry with others. 

I think we're a naturally social creature and in times of emergency (My city was under a state of emergency) we seek out community and help where we can.. The stress of the situation also causes people to be more agitated or just unable to deal with things that normally wouldn't be a problem. In those times, we're more sensitive of what others say or do. 

I feel that a lot of this is just random thought. I hope it makes sense. 

I Feel Like the Asshole

 Hello

The title of the post refers to all those Reddit "Am I The Asshole?" posts.. 

I feel I'm justified, but at the same time, I also feel like I'm not.. 

So enough beating around the bush.. 

I've been feeling lonely, forgotten, and generally unappreciated by my friends for a long time. I understand they have lives of their own, things going on etc etc etc.. I friend's post on FB irked me when they complained about people and her wanting to spend time with her granddaughter.

I didn't reply directly but I did post something saying how I feel I'm done with people. I reach out to everyone and either get zero response, or I'll get a couple token responses then back to the Forgotten Realm for me.. 

Part of this is why I feel I wouldn't be missed if I was gone. Why I feel people wouldn't notice. I'm not noticed now, how the fuck would they know or care that I was gone when they don't care now??

It pisses me off because it really only takes a couple seconds to send a text or a message saying "Hey.. How are ya?" or "Thinking about you" (even if you haven't had me cross your mind in 5 years) I put that energy out, I reach and try to get engagement, but I get nothing.. 

I would hate to be in a situation where I feel I have no reason to live, believe the world would be better off without me, and have a plan to rid the world of me, hoping that even one person would reach out to me and hear complete silence. 

So yes, I feel like the Asshole here. I feel I'm making demands or even requests that people can't keep.. But at the same time, I feel like the wrestling heel who, when explaining his dastardly actions, feels completely justified in his actions to the point of making the crowd believe it.. (Drew McIntyre and Kevin Owens are masters of this) 

So I'll scream this into the void. If people read it, great.. If people reply, great.. If it's ignored, it's par for the course.  

More of the Same

 On Thursday we had an election in Ontario. It was a snap election called a month ago by our Premier Doug Ford.

People were hoping for change. People were hoping people were fed up enough to go speak with their votes.. 

It didn't happen... 

Doug Ford won... Again... Third Majority Government in a row.. 

The guy who's spent the last two terms fighting healthcare and cutting it past the bare bones, schools, teachers, school bus operators, people with disabilities, and really anyone who isn't a rich guy or developer buddy of his was voted in for a third term. 

It's frustrating.. Especially since he was given his mandate by 42% of the 5,023,587 people who voted. There are 11,065,813 registered voters in Ontario. (more than just the main parties got votes)

Province-Wide Unofficial Election Results

8,073 of 8,079 polls reporting

Political Party	Number of Seats Won or Leading	Number of votes	Percentage of votes
PC Party of Ontario	80	2,158,452	42.97%
Ontario NDP/NPD	27	931,796	18.55%
Ontario Liberal Party	14	1,504,688	29.95%
Green Party of Ontario GPO	2	242,822	4.83%
INDEPENDENT	1	54,278	1.08%
New Blue Party	0	80,245	1.60%
Ontario Party	0	26,262	0.52%
Libertarian	0	7,684	0.15%
None of the Above Direct Democracy Party	0	4,731	0.09%
Communist	0	2,294	0.05%
Ontario Moderate Party	0	2,181	0.04%
CPO	0	1,610	0.03%
Freedom Party of Ontario	0	1,379	0.03%
Stop the New Sex-Ed Agenda	0	1,353	0.03%
Populist Ontario	0	706	0.01%
Alliance	0	648	0.01%
Northern Ontario Party	0	641	0.01%
Progress Party Ontario	0	598	0.01%
CCP	0	582	0.01%
Party for People with Special Needs	0	397	0.01%
Electoral Reform Party	0	240	0.00%

Sorry for the change in fonts here.. 

Anyway, as you can see, these were all the parties who got votes in the election. The voter numbers are all there.. 

Ultimately, 67% of the people decided to sit this election out. Now, it does state these are still unofficial numbers. Things may change slightly. But really, not enough to matter..

It's frustrating because there are many groups who feel invisible. Some of the party leaders were stating their intent to help people with disabilities and other issues that slip through.. Of course, we wouldn't hold our breath regardless of winner.. 

I think part of it is voter apathy and part is voter stupidity.. For some reason, I feel like I heard someone asking if this was the election to get rid of Trudeau... Others apparently were going to try to vote for Trump.. 

I just know that nothing's going to change.. We're apparently going to get a tunnel nobody needs or wants under the 401.. (That'll be fun when there's flooding in Toronto....) At least we got cheap booze and the ability to buy it at the convenience store.. *eyeroll* 

I don't know.. I just don't know... 

Video Games and Thoughts

 I wanted to get something different out there today. Just for the fact that I'm in a dark place mentally. Halfway through the month and I'm putting a call out for help with groceries. I hate to do so, but the alternative is to not eat, since trying to get outside with a wheelchair is less than ideal right now. 

Anyway, I've been thinking about video games and a couple ideas I'd love to see revisited, hopefully with improvements. 

The first idea would be an update/reboot of the Legends of Wrestling series from the PS2 era. Now, I know Ack! Lame! (Acclaim) is no longer publishing, so we might luck out and get someone useful. Hell, I'd even be happy with 2K doing it. 

Basically, you'd see legends that aren't always covered in games. If it's put out by WWE, since they own the catalogues for so many places, you might be able to draw from a number of places. (we'll still never see Owen Hart in a WWE game) 

Drawing guys like Sammartino, Warrior, Demolition, LOD, Maybe the Midnight Express.. Slaughter, Zbyszko, Hall, Nash, Bundy, Andre, Piper, Orton, etc.. Have arenas and TV presentation from the 80s style. Have a create a wrestler so you can create your own legend, or create legends we know we'll never see.. I think it'd be a cool idea. 

The other idea is similar to an idea from a game I played in the NES era. Legends of the Diamond had 30 playable batters and 6 pitchers. 

Just think with the current technology you could have full teams of legends (I know they would need to license the individual players once retired unless they're in the HOF) 

I mean for example, for the Jays you could have 

Devon White or Lloyd Moseby in CF

Carlos Delgado or John Olerud or Willie Upshaw at 1B

Pat Borders or Ernie Whitt at C

My first thought for second may be a tough one based on his... Extracurricular activities that caused him to have his number unretired by the Jays.. 

Tony Fernandez or Alex Gonzalez at SS

etc..

Pitching: 
Dave Stieb

Jim Clancy

Jimmy Key

Roy Halladay

Ton Henke

...

Now I know some teams would be harder to fill out cough cough Marlins... Rockies cough cough..

but I feel the idea is really cool. Classic stadiums.. For once actually see Exhibition Stadium rendered in a game... lol

Some teams that had stays in multiple cities might even have multiple teams. I don't know. Have a Philadelphia A's team, a KC A's team and an Oakland A's team.. Same with the Braves. Might be fun. Might be impossible to do.. I don't know. 

Anyway..

I have a lot on my mind and I'm hoping that being able to write some of it out will get rid of it. These game idas have been bouncing around for a while. 

I mentioned about worrying about groceries. It's a constant thing. Disability support sucks. And the thing that sucks worse is the morons who just say "Well, you could just work" Have you thought there might be a reason the person is on disability?? I know two people in my building with Cerebral Palsy. Neither of them can do much of anything with their hands.. What work would they be able to do? There's a difference between the people who are on Welfare and the people on Disability. 

I got my tax information in. Last year I received $16K for the year. Doesn't that sound like easy street?? sarcasm

I'm getting now the same amount I made 10-15 years ago working full time. 

Anyway, I hope this finds everyone well. Have a wonderful rest of the month. 

Some Thoughts

 Some things I want to get out while I'm thinking about them. I've been thinking about the recently forced back to work Canada Post employees. I wonder if there's a little extra behind the hate and the "Just privatize the whole outfit" rhetoric. 

Canada Post, much like the USPS, is a federal mail service. It's a Crown Corporation. It was a Government Department until 1981, when it was moved from a department to its own entity owned by the Government. 

Now, a Crown Corporation is an entity that has more independence than a department and is there to provide services to areas that private enterprise would not want to establish service. 

So what I'm thinking is this: People get upset about the strikes and demonize the workers because any statement is about money. The workers might be trying to get better working conditions, but the main talking point always pointed out is money. The only thing I ever heard discussed by people was the wage increase. Not the Union trying to protect Full time jobs and benefits. Yes, the Union is asking for an increase. The number I heard and the context didn't make sense until I looked into it more and saw it's 20% total over 5 years.. 

I've read many calls to cut service to once a week, install neighbourhood mailboxes, and just outright elimination of Canada Post and have a Private entity take over service. 

Now... I've lived in a few places over my life. I grew up in a small northern town. Our mail was at the Post Office. We'd go pick up our mail in the box. 

Most of Canada is rural. My hometown, Terrace Bay, is on the north shore of Lake Superior. It's 3 hours form Thunder Bay, 6 hours from Sault Ste Marie. 12 from Toronto. There are a number of small towns on the way along highway 17. There's also what amounts to a three hour window of nothingness between Wawa and Sault Ste Marie. 

Greyhound left Canada because of the rural nature of the country. Do you really think a company knowing the challenges of how much rural territory there is would take over service for that area? 

People talk about email and online apps for bills etc. Ok. How about your driver's license. Health card? People worry about being tracked and scammed out of their money sometimes.. Do you want your bank card to go through the same device that can be used to track and possibly scam you?? Places that are isolated would be completely unserviced. 

"Oh the Postal Workers are lazy blah blah blah" 

Are they? At one time I could walk quite a bit. For areas that still have mostly door to door serivce, that's a way of life for the postie. The funny thing is the people who want Canada Post to go to once a week and to Neighbourhood boxes would be causing the laziness issue they're so worked up about. 

"Canada Post is losing money"

Yes.. It has been losing money for a while. But is that the workers' faults? Or is it the people in charge of the Corporation? 

If it was a Private entity, seven years of losses, the CEO would have been fired long ago. If it was a Private entity, they would cut unprofitable locations. Much like Greyhound did before they Noped out of Canada. One of the first routes cut by Greyhound was the Toronto to Thunder Bay route. They kept the routes in the more urban areas because they made money. It would be the same for any Private Mail Carrier. 

So really, rather than getting upset at the workers, (and I know it's easy to get upset at them) look at both sides of the issue. Or, you know.. If you think they're so lazy and the job is so easy for what they're paid, Go get a job as a Postie.. 

This actually went a little off the rails.. I hope this long winded rant made some sort of sense.. 

Stupidity...

 I don't know how it started, but I'm seeing a lot of "Canada should be the 51st State" nonsense a lot online today.. 

I think it started from Trump "joking" that Canada should just become the 51st state and Justin Trudeau would be Governor. Now.. We know what happens when Trump "jokes." It tends to be some insane idea he has that he's testing the waters of maybe following through with, depending on the reaction. 

Here's the sad part.. There are a number of people, mind you many of them are Albertan and hate Canada to begin with, that welcome this. They would welcome becoming part of the United States. They somehow think it'll benefit Canada. 

No....

People are looking at the 2nd Amendment and salivating (again, the Texiburtans) while others think the 1st Amendment is stronger than the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, which guarantees "The Freedom of conscience and religion, freedom of thought, belief, opinion, and expression including freedom of the press and other media of communication."

The people looking at this and wanting this are so blinded by hatred of Justin Trudeau that they would rather willingly lose their Canadian identity and institutions in order to become part of the United States. One said this move would strengthen Canada.. No... It would make Canada cease to exist. Unless it's a Puerto Rico style thing, at which we'd basically be forgotten about until they need something from the land. 

Others, quite rightly, are saying that a single state Canada would not work. There would be a need to either keep the current provinces, or to divide the Provinces even further, depending.. We all know Texas' ego would be severely bruised if they're not the biggest.. They may not like the fact that another source of oil would be available. 

Others are talking about travel being easier and yes, that would be a benefit... However, giving up a Canadian Passport to ultimately get an American one if you want to leave North America isn't that appealing to me. 

Canada would be exploited for its resources. Canada has the most freshwater lakes in the world. Think countries wouldn't want that should something happen to their water supplies, like drought? This way it could be taken without a second thought. 

I don't think people realize how much being ill in the United States costs.. The same people who are complaining about high prices here will have their jaws hit the floor when they get their hospital bill.. 

If I was in the US when I was near death in 2021.... I don't want to know what my bill would have been. I was in hospital for a year and a half. I most likely would have been sent home before I was ready and ended up not being here. 

My friends in the United States... By no means is this rant a slight at you. I do see benefits to the "joke" plan, but I also see more drawbacks that people are discounting in their blinding hatred for Justin Trudeau. More than a few people said they'd rather it be the US than China, forgetting the fact that it was the previous Conservative Government that signed the agreement with China that allowed for things like Chinese Police Stations in Canada. 

Either way, it's a clown show.