tomato salsa.. my new food fad

this is not a foodie blog.. just an entry on food..

i have a new food fad.. just like few months ago where i ate few dozens of eggs.. which has deposit around the midriff.. errghh..

so in order to counter the bulging area, i'm on a not-so-strict diet. i reduce my food intake.. which i've done since forever with the additional tomato salsa thrown in.

i've noticed that i've somewhat nearing the OCD type.. this excessive behavior of eating tomato salsa did bother my stomach.. but since it is tasty and healthy.. so why not.. this week i've consumed more than dozen of tomato.. which is good considering i used to hate tomato..

i hope my complexion will be glowing with lots of vitamin c from the tomato.. not turning red though.. hehehe.. well if anybody bother to try.. this is how i made mine.. there are gazzillion recipes out there if you googled it..

such as this simple salsa.

• 2 medium size tomato.. make sure it is fresh
• 1 lime (not the small limau kasturi)
• 1 stalk of scallion (daun bawang)
• 2 cili padi (add more if you like your salsa to be super hot)
• salt and pepper to taste

1. chopped everything except the lime.. squeeze the lime to get the juice and mix everything together.. salt and pepper to taste. 
2. refrigerate for at least an hour before serves.

by the way... this could be used as air asam for ikan bakar, daging rebus etc.. simply divine.. bukan simply siti.. hehehehe 

over consumerism..

is there such words as consumerism? i guess there is since this word is not underline red. hehe..

being reading about freeganism and watching shows like Oprah, Rachel Ray etc talking about consumerism, freeganism and etc.

i've noticed that we are currently living in the world where people are measured by what they have, what they wear, what they owned. there is no such thing as berjimat cermat. needs versus want is no longer part of the thinking process when buying things are involved. so we buy things that we don't actually need and fill up our house like some sort of national museum, cluttering space and fill up the land fills.

i'm no eco movement members, but i wish to do my part in saving my earth for my anak cucu. i like the no plastic bag day. wish i could do more. i've done my best to minimise the plastic bags and the result is that my plastic bag container (enhem.. bought at Ikea nevertheless) is becoming more empty. i used the plastic bag as garbage bag.. i know i know.. plastic bad.. heh!

i'm so glad that my credit cards debt is getting smaller and by early next year.. I'm credit card debt free.. wup wup.. Credit Card is BAD.. the idea of having credit card for emergency is CRAP!! you'll be tempted my dear.. trust me.. whenever there is something calling at the window shop, you'll dip into your pocket and when the cash is not there, you'll be tempted by the plastic.. trust me.. been there, done that.. i'll save cash for emergency.. credit cards will lead to over consumption.

this is my friends, the point of my rambling. i've noticed that without that plastic devil, i've spent less on the things that i don't need. i mean how many clothes that u need in a month. some item have expired date. why buy something and throw it away? i've become more prudent in spending. i know i'm not cheapskate.. i'm just more careful with what i buy. i put more thoughts before buying anything, whether it is a need or just a want..

i know, our country/government do the opposite of what they talked. we have more shopping mall than hospitals. we have more 'along'. of course they have banks.. but banks are not helping us to save money.. they as us to spend money. trust me.. how many trust fund one could have..

it is ok if we have more debt as long as we have the coolest, latest, newest thing. the front page news cover story like some retard willing to risk his limb over some gadget, people are willing to travel hundreds of kilometer, sleep in car and queue for 24 hours just to be the first buying the same gadget. Duhhhh!

i've read somewhere.. we are a fool if we buy something we don't need to impress people that we don't like.. how true is that?

i finally off the grid of mukebuku

i've done it.. i've deactivate it. it was easy. i thought i would have 2nd thought about it but disconnecting it was easy.

i've been idle for months so why just i deactivate it. it doesn't bring any good. i will miss my friends but sometimes u don't need a lot of friends to be happy but true friends will be there for you no matter what or where.

i'll maintain my whereabout in the cyberworld here, in my own blog. rambling everything into nothing.. the void world of wide web world.

for those who know me.. it's nothing personal.. i just hate it.. the thing called mukebuku.. i have nothing against my friend. if they cared enough for me they'll know how to get to me even though i'm no longer connected through mukebuku.

there. i've said it and done it.. off to do more productive thing.

A year end rambling

Yesterday I celebrated Faris's third birthday. it's been 3 years (almost) since the major heart break. am still mending the broken pieces. still nursing the healing cuts and battered soul. but i'm still here.. surviving what life throws at.

since nothing exciting happens in my life for the time being (excepts few deadlines.. work related.. *yawn*) i believe it is time for me contemplating year 2010. and today being the last day of Zulhijjah, what better time to reflect on our life.

i would say, i am happy for all the good deeds that i've done. could do better in managing my nafsu. lots of sins committed (aware or not) Astaghfirullah hal azim.. (Ya Allah, please forgive me) however, i could do better.

financially wise, i'm broke. but alhamdulillah. still have something to eat. could do some strict financial management. in terms of career, opportunity come knocking. i'm not sure whether i should answer it or not.. maybe i should. people said that rezeki come in different shapes and forms. overall, i'm happy with my life. even if a bit mundane. a lot better that last year in fact. so alhamdulillah.

so moving forward. i'm going to focus my energy towards my little precious. schools and all. i have no plan whatsoever. bulldoze my ways towards the new life as a schoolgoing-children mom and also juggling career and home. to be honest, apart from the "heart" factor, my current life arrangement suite me just fine. sure there are some adjustment here and there, but i'm honestly felt happy with the way things are. unless you put the love-hate-jealous-murderous factor into the equation. it is not good for my health to dwell on the negative.

and in all.. i'm very happy to report that i led a healthy life (in my point of view.. i don't really care what others think) i could do better in certain aspect of my life. but overall, Alhamdulillah, Thank You Allah.

Let it be..

Selamat hari raya dan ke kuburan ayahanda

Selamat hari raya kepada semua rakan-rakan.. harapnya sambutan aidilfitri indah-indah belaka..

orang kata pasti akan ada kali pertama untuk semua perkara. jadi apa salahnya buat kali pertama aku beraya dengan anak-anak tanpa dia. beraya dengan bonda dan nenda yg tercinta memandangkan ini kali pertama nenda beraya bersama di rumah bonda di Selangor. sementelah bonda masih disisi, izinkanlah aku untuk menyenangkan hatinya.

selepas 13 tahun (9 Ogos 1997) ayah pergi meninggalkan kami, kesannya masih sama. untuk yang tidak memahaminya, kehilangan orang tua memang sangat-sangat dirasai bila musim perayaan menjelma. dari kecil sehinggalah sampai dia pergi, Aidilfitri sentiasa istimewa.

Ayah tak pernah gagal untuk sediakan baju dan kasut baru untuk kami adik-beradik walaupon pendapatannya sebagai pekerja kampung dan nelayan cuma cukup-cukup untuk makan. Setiap tahun ayah tak pernah gagal lunaskan zakat fitrah kerana katanya kami bukan orang susah. setiap tahun kami sentiasa pulang berbondong-bondong kerumah nenda nun jauh di Perak walaupon terpaksa menempah separuh bas. Ayah pekak kan telinga bila ada yang mengata anak ayah berderet-deret menggalas beg. yang penting kami merasa meriahnya beraya di kampung bersama saudara-mara. ayah tak pernah culas mengerah kederat memotong buluh, mengopek kelapa sampailah membungkus ketupat palas kegemarannya. malah mengikut cerita mak, ayah pernah bermandikan minyak tanah kerana miang terkene getah buah nibong (atau buah enau).

mak pula dengan serba sederhana sediakan segala keperluan anak-anak. dari bersengkang mata menyediakan kuih muih sehinggalah menghiaskan rumah seadanya. pendek kata, Hari Raya sentiasa jadi hari yang paling istimewa buat kami adik-beradik. jadi bila ayah pergi meninggalkan kami 13 tahun lalu, kemeriahan raya agak suram. bila menjelang raya, kerinduan pada ayah makin meningkat.

setiap kali menjelang aidilfitri, mak akan jadi orang paling sibuk untuk kami kerana menggalas beban sebagai ibu dan ayah. walau sederhana dan tanpa ayah, hari raya kami tetap mak akan pastikan meriah. pasti ada acara istimewa yang mak rancangkan. salah satu projek raya kami adalah acara mengacau dodol. tahun tu mak rancang untuk kami adik beradik kacau dodol. kami adik beradik yang kumpul kayu, pasang api dan sampai lah aktiviti mengacau dodol. masa tu kami adik beradik masih belajar. masih dibawah ketiak mak. tahun berikutnya mak nak kami buat lemang, ketupat palas dan ketupat daun kelapa. kami kene belajar anyam ketupat. macam-macam versi ada. jadi bila dah kahwin dan ade keluarga masing-masing, mak punya tenaga kerja makin kurang.

jadi sementare mak masih ada dan kuat, aku nak sentiasa memeriahkan raya mak. tahun ni mak belikan songkok dan kain samping untuk semua cucu-cucu nya (cucu mak kesemuanya lelaki).

aku.. hmm.. raya dah macam tawar je..

"Ibu nampak cantik laaa.. abang ngah saaayang ibu"

itu ayat abg ngah sebelum dia pelok aku nak tido. tergelak besar ibu sebab abang ngah puji ibu dalam gelap.. ceh..

bile tanya abang long.. die cakap sepatah je.. "cantik!" lepas tu sembam-sembam muke di bantal. malu la tu..

sebelum nak tido dan sebelum bace doa tido mesti kene bercerita dulu. mujur la ibu ni juara bercerita masa zaman sekolah rendah.. hahaha.. takat juara sekolah je laa.. sampai peringkat daerah dapat nombor 3 je.. kalau pakai baju singe mesti bleh dapat no 1.. heheheh

ape ceritenyer? nanti laa kite cerita.. ade banyak cerita.. tapi cerita wajib mesti cerita singa dgn tikus..

cerita dulu-dulu

Aku sampai di pulau ini tepat jam 12.25 tengah hari. Aku datang ke sini dengan kepala dan hati yang sangat berat. Aku tak tahu sama ada aku perlu gembira atau tidak semasa kapal mendarat. Dan secara jujurnya aku tidak tahu sama ada aku memerlukan percutian ini. Dan aku tidak ada langsung perancangan untuk apa percutian ini. Yang aku tahu dan mahu, aku perlu keluar dari KL dan jauh dari segala memori yang melukakan. Aku ingin mencipta memori baru. Memori aku sendiri.

Perkara pertama yang aku buat bila sampai ke bilik ialah tidur. Perkara yang sangat sukar untuk aku lakukan semenjak krisis ini bermula. Tidak selena yang diharapkan tapi cukup untuk memulihkan letih perjalanan. Aku harap, malam ini aku dapat tidur dengan lena.

Aku bukan sahaja memerlukan tidur, aku perlukan ruang untuk diri aku bernafas. Aku perlukan ruang untuk melihat ke belakang supaya aku boleh melangkah ke depan. Aku ingin tinggalkan segala duka aku di sini. Aku ingin tinggalkan segala duka aku disini. Aku harap semilir angin pulau dapat membawa jauh jauh rasa marah dan benci aku ke tengah lautan dan tinggalkan ia di sana. Aku berharap segala kesedihan aku akan dibawa oleh ombak dan dihempas ke batu lalu menjadi buih yang akhirnya hilang.

Demi Tuhan aku sunyi. Aku rindukan anak-anak ku dan aku rindukan dia. Aku sibukkan diri. Jadi perkara pertama yang kulakukan adalah mencari makanan. Bekalan di saat bosan melanda. Aku menyusuri pantai. Penuh dengan pelancong-pelancong yang kemerahan kerana berjemur di terik panas mentari. Aku sendiri berpeluh peluh menahan bahang panas di pulau ini. Pelik kerana awan berat membawa hujan sedang bergerak di atas kepala. Aku hirup dalam-dalam angin laut yang bertiup. Hati aku jadi sayu sekali. Lalu ku khabarkan kepada ombak, “Duhai ombak, bawalah duka ini pergi.. duhai angin laut, keringkanlah air mata ku.. aku tidak berdaya untuk menitiskan air mata lagi.. aku ingin tinggalkan segala lara hati ini di sini. Supaya aku tidak menangis lagi kerana seorang lelaki.”

Ku lihat kapal-kapal berlabuh. Bot- bot nelayan kembali ke pengkalan. Aku benar-benar rasa aman. Aku rasa sangat bodoh. Kenapa aku harus mensia-siakan hidup yang indah ini kerana kecewa dengan cinta seorang lelaki. Aku patut bersyukur dengan nikmat yang Tuhan telah kurniakan kepada aku. Aku ada anak-anak yang sayangkan aku tanpa syarat. Biar pun apa yang aku lakukan sekarang ini jauh dari menunjukkan kasih sayang sebenarnya seorang ibu.

Mengingatkan mereka aku kembali sedih. Air mata mengalir dipipi. Aku tekad.. selepas ini aku akan lebih kuat demi untuk mereka. Aku akan terus melangkah demi kebahagian mereka. Aku takkan benarkan duka ini menyentuh mereka. Aku akan pastikan hidup mereka penuh bahagia. Penuh ceria.

aku habiskan malam di Spa. Sangat menyenangkan dan menenangkan. Balik ke bilik mataku terus memberat. Sepanjang malam tidurku lena. Aku mimpikan bonda dan anak-anakku. Mereka semuanya gembira. Aku benar-benar rindukan mereka. Pagi terasa cepat menjelma.

Selesai sarapan, aku bersiap untuk check out. Aku ingin tinggalkan pulau ini dengan coklat yang banyak dan hati yang gembira. Aku membuat keputusan untuk mengelilingi pulau. Mungkin aku akan berjumpa sesuatu yang baru. Aku pening.

Pulau di utara Malaysia
18 Oktober 2008

one of those days..

i'm having one of those days where everything doesn't seem right. I couldn't find my keys (which exactly i put it last night..) The dress i choose doesn't seem right so i change to something very dark and black. just like my head.. dark and gloomy

i'm having one of those days when breathing is hard. i lost my focus (i board a wrong bus). i feel like i want to throw up. my body aching all over

the general feeling would be depressed. I'm on the edge of losing my sanity. I feel like I want to curl up and never leave the bed. i feel like crying my heart out. i feel like wanting to scream my lung out.

am i losing it?

Penat jiwa dan raga..

minggu lepas minggu yg memenatkan.. segale jiwe dan rage penat belake.. ish ish.. nak pegi meeting kat seremban dah..

ni lagi satu penat

it's been a while..

it's been a while since i have some mood to write. i've drafted something past few days but unable to upload it..

i've been trying to start posting/uploading some pictures to make my blog more cheerful or at least fascinated..(which nobody read.. i presume) I'll get myself a brand new phone with camera so i could join somebody putting pictures in his blog.

having a busy weeks in the office after a week of absence. a report to submit, proposals paper to prepare and a meeting to coordinate.. err.. 2 meetings actually.

on the other hand, feeling a bit lonely.. unexplainable loneliness that gnawing my heart and accompany me during my sleepless nights. i've tried scrubbing and cleaning but still.. hmmm..

maybe i should try baking instead.. at least it could fill up my empty stomach..

lepas tu jadi gomok.. yeeehaaaa..

langgar pintu dan demam

Minggu lepas seminggu aku cuti. abang long bengkak muke langgar bucu pintu. habis gigi depan goyang.

tak cukup dengan tu, hari khamis n jumaat, aku pulak tumbang. kene demam dan seseme. hari sabtu gagah-gagah juga pegi bejalan.. hehehehe.. ahad.. faris pulak demam..

pendek kate, minggu lepas minggu sakit..

there is a huge gap between my teeth and my heart..

Goodbye to the rotten tooth. my molar to be precise. after 2 days of agony.. 1 before the removal and 1 after removal, i'm back alive and kicking to office.

still berdenyut-nyut.. at least masih cantik sebab dah tak bengkak.. hehehehe

sakit gigi

gigiku sakit.. perlu dicabut.. huu huuu huu...

setakat ni aku boleh tahan macam-macam sakit.. tapi sakit gigi!! huwaaa.. boleh menyebabkan rasa nak membunuh orang.. same macam sakit bisul.. hahaha

dah dah.. selamat tinggal gigi sakit ni..

Gulai kerang + terung.. nyummy

Lauk kegemaran aku.. gulai kerang campur terung.. kerang tu tak mau yang direbus tapi dicenik (dikoyak hidup2 laaa..) it's bloody and slimy but totally nyummy.. gulai tu tak laa bloody ok!

sayang lah kat mak.. memandangkan petang karang atan balik dari umah mak dan memandangkan mak masak lauk gulai kerang itu.. uh uh.. macam mak tau tau jeee.. hehehehe.. pau lah semangkok.. sayang lah kat mak.. ade pulak ikan masin dan sambal belacan.. ul la la laaaa.. gigi sakit pon bleh lupe..

walaupon hati gundah gulana, tapi hidup ni tak la seteruk mana. macam biasa, ada turun dan ade naik.. jadi bila hati tengah turun macam sekarang, gulai kerang campur terung ni jadi pengubat lara.. haaaiii.. patutlaa ade orang jadi obesiti bila dilanda krisis.. hehehe

papehal pon.. looking forward for dinner tonite.. sayanglah kat mak!!!

Dah sebulan..

hari dah sebulan.. sebulan dengan cara hidup baru.. cara freestyle solo tak tentu arah.. sebulan yang aku tak suka tapi aku tak tunjuk dan tak cerite kat sape-sape.. nak luahkan kat sape pon aku tak tau.. nak cerita kat mak, aku rasa tak patut.. kesian kat mak.. nanti dia susah hati.. n bahana nanti mesti budak 3 orang tu dia ambik.

aku sedih.. aku frust.. aku penat.. macam-macam lagi.. aku rasa takde sape pon untuk aku.. aku cuma ada sabar sebab aku pecaya Allah sentiasa ada untuk aku.. aku cuma ada doa bila aku rasa dah takde bahu untuk aku sandar..

aku tertunggu-tunggu hujung minggu sebab hujung minggu insan-insan yang aku sayang akan ada dikeliling aku. aku nak sangat diorang sentiasa disisi aku.. tapi keadaan tak mengizinkan.. tapi dlm pada masa yang sama aku benci dgn keadaan aku dgn dia sekarang.. jarang-jarang jumpa.. n bila jumpa sibuk ngn urusan masing-masing. aku uruskan anak-anak. dia ngan laptop.. aku tau die penat.. tapi aku juga penat.. emosi penat.. rasa tak dihargai..

aku tak mengeluh pon lagi dalam masa sebulan ni.. aku bagi sokongan padu.. aku buat macam-macam supaya dia tak rasa bersalah.. aku tunjukkan muka tabah seorang isteri mithali.. tapi dalam hati siapa yang tahu..

tiap-tiap malam aku menangis sampai tertido.. sebab rasa sunyi yang amat sangat.. dulu masa bercinta pon jauh jugak.. tapi sekarang aku rasa dia memang jauh dari aku.. tak kesahlah sebaik mana pon aku buat.. bukan aku sorang dalam hati dia.. memang laa kata dia sayang dia tak pernah berkurang pada aku.. tapi bertambah ke tidak? ke macam tu jee..

banyak ketidaktentuan yang bermain dalam kepala aku skang ni.. aku jadi bingung sekejap.. orang mmg nampak aku mcm cool je.. cabaran yang aku tempoh ni bleh jadi novel bersiri.. aku tak suka tapi aku tau Allah ada rancangan yang lebih Grand untuk aku lepas ni..

mungkin aku patut mula berfikir untuk rancang hidup aku sendiri... hmmmmmm

the art of grieving

i have trouble to grieve. when you lost someone dear to you you'll have to grieve in order to let go.. me? i can never let go. the fact that some one has gone sink really slowly in my brain. i grieve later.. i will be sad, angry, confused and all the stages of grieving (as described in my psychology text book) very late.. i mean few months late. i have trouble letting go. so when i read this sekadar luahan rasa i cried.. i really really cried because the fact that i will never going to see her ever again just hit me in my face.. and the result would be my swollen eyes in the morning..

she was my children paternal great grandmother. my husband's grandmother whom we seldom met. i hardly can understand her when she speak (a thick trengganu loghat vs confused perak+kedah). i could not comprehend her basic instruction without looking desperately at my husband or ayohteh as the translator. i remember the first time she ask me for "ssupikk" over and over again as i was clueless what on earth is "ssupikk". ayoh teh came to the rescue and told me to get plastic bag from the kitchen.. the conversations that we have would be she'll talk and i listen (with the occasional "oooowwhh".. heheheh)

i hope she know that i love her so much like my own grandmother even though i never show it and she love me as much. i feel sorry for not spending more time with her.. she did show how to make daging goreng eventhough i wish i could learn more..

the first time i heard the news, yes i was sad.. i cried a lot.. recite al-fatihah and suratul-yassin for her.. but the feeling intensified when i saw the picture of her grave.. just like arwah ayah.. i always felt like they are still around but far away.. but the moment i saw the grave, my tears wouldn't stop flowing..

orang kate saya benyekk.. kuat nangis.. but kuat nangis tak semestinya lemah beb.. my way of grieving is to cry.. alot.. hehehehe

can we fall out of love?

I've always heard about falling in love. but can we fall out of love? can we dislike being loved and loving someone?

i think we can..
if loving someone could cause more pain than you can handled.
if loving someone make you losing yourself.
if loving someone doesn't make you happy.
if loving someone make you lost your mind.
if loving someone could drive you to the brink of insanity.

but what is you love someone more than yourself? his/her happiness is more important than yours? the very same reason you could fall out of love make you love that someone even more..

does this make sense?

I'm 30

I'm 30 yesterday. so technically I'm 30 and 1 day today.