In Between Molecules of Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide...

I'm getting married tomorrow!

Every Now and Again Sometimes I Get Lost on the Wind of a Dream...

Long ago, in a generation far far away...

Occasionally on weekends my parents would run to the nearest video store and rent one of those flashy new things called a VCR. With it they would bring a couple of VHS tapes. These curious pieces of equipment would be our evening's entertainment, as these tapes would show movies of any kind. It would be a while before we actually bought some of these things for our very own, but for this time I was captivated at the idea of "technology", a word I would not know the definition to for years to come.

(not the right type, but you get the idea)

We had a routine for these nights. While the parents were out getting the electronic goods the rest of us would prepare the good goods. We would bring out a large silver bowl, about the size of a timpani drum and pop as much popcorn as we could fit in there with our air-popper. Realize, I'm from a big family, so a trough-size popcorn bowl is absolutely necessary. With that, we would round up as much root beer as we needed from our fridge or food storage (Yes, we had some there too. Hello? Emergencies?). Once that was all ready we would grab our own cereal bowls to use with the trough of popcorn, get into our respective positions near the TV (mine was on one side of our large beanbag pillow), and wait. Soon mom and dad would arrive with the aforementioned materials and it was GO-TIME... after 5-10 minutes of setup time.

The first movie I could remember watching on these movie nights was STAR WARS. That movie, and subsequent two sequels, would undoubtedly shape my childhood and affect me for the rest of my life. However there was one movie that would captivate me beyond the rest. One movie that was my wildest dreams personified. One movie that to this day, I am still fascinated with:

It had me at the first 3 minutes:

Yes, Condorman, Vulture of the Western World. I was hooked. For the duration of this film, I was wide-eyed and jaw-dropped. What was unfolding before me was mastery that exceeded my comprehension. Nevermind that it had incredible actors like Michael Crawford and Oliver Reed, those things wouldn't matter to me until much later. This film had everything I could ask for: battle between good & evil, protecting and saving a loved one, flying, gunfights, laser fights, unarmed combat, boat cannons, gadgetry, disguises, and one of the best car chase scenes ever made:

This film was also the source of my first celebrity crush. I had the major hots for Natalia. That's the character played by Barbara Carrera, but I only knew her as "Natalia." She was so pretty and so into Condorman that I wanted to be Condorman in the best way. I would have dreams of saving Natalia from the Prognoviach (those dudes in the Porsches) and flying away to Monte Carlo to live life together in peace and tranquility. These were awesome dreams, the kind you beat yourself up for after awaking.

Hello, nurse!

These feelings never left me because as I got older my appreciation and adoration for the movie increased. Today I'm as big a fan as I ever was of Condorman. I still watch the movie regularly and wish there were more adventures available to us. Sadly, the DVD is hard to find in the US unless you are willing to pay a pretty penny on Amazon.com or ebay. It is a Disney movie and you know how stingy they tend to be with their releases. If Disney is reading this, please put it out there, at least on Netflix, for us, for the children, for humanity.

Now my friends, fear not. I do have access to such a DVD, so if anyone wants to watch it with me I'd be happy to share on three conditions:

1. We make lots of popcorn
2. We drink lots of root beer
3. Permit me to recite my favorite scenes as they are happening on screen.

Long live Condorman!

I Got a Feeling Like a Tidal Flow...

Ask and ye shall receive...

BILLY GOES DOWN!!

The saga does indeed continue... and I am a happy man.

There is No Parasol That Could Shelter This Weather...

Every once in a while, evil triumphs...

'KING OF KONG' VILLAIN RECLAIMS DONKEY KONG THRONE

This is an update for all of my minions who are familiar with this man and the docu that made him infamous. As much as I don't really like the guy, you gotta respect a human being who can rock a flag tie with the dress shirt tucked neatly inside black jeans with as much confidence as ol' Billy do. Not to mention that hair-lmet.

Someone's gotta take Billy down. Who's gonna do it?

Anyway, as the summer starts to wind down, I reflect on the last few months as I went through more hills and valleys than usual. Here I recall the many life-lessons learned:

• Unemployment in the summer is kinda cool... for about a month.
• Studying for a Series 7 exam is rough, especially if your study habits have radically declined on an annual basis since 7th grade.
• The Summer of Bearproof is in full effect: 5 shows, some radio action, and a sore neck.
• Driving shirtless in a car with leather interior is very awkward. Don't do it.
• If/when your roommate asks what you're doing tonight, if your reply is "pizza and a two-liter" make sure your reply is focused and properly enunciated (don't imply, accidental or otherwise, that a "cheerleader" is your beverage du jour avec pizza).
• Unconfirmed study shows that in public restrooms gentlemen prefer a "one-stall-courtesy" on either side (kinda like league bowlers), unless situations won't allow it. No verdict yet on the ladies room.
• Purple Stuff
• $1 corndog Tuesdays and streetside taco stands. Both rule.
• There are lots of moms, ladies and kids at The Gateway during the daytime. Not many dads, or even guys.
• Power stances and windmill guitar strums are awesome. The ladies love it.

Back to the books, see ya in October...