Love is

Love is watching from afar
letting him struggle
because he has to learn himself

Love is taking the 3 a.m.
call because his
anxiety is spinning out and

dark thoughts are creeping in
Love is always
knowing that you'll pick up

the phone and never expecting
a thank you
because it will never come

And being OK with that

--
April PAD - Poetic Asides Day 21: love or anti-love

Bottled spirits

They say he
had his demons
I saw them
on his face

anguished, angry, ashamed
they feasted on
the memories he
could not share

there could be
no exorcism for
the pains he
would not speak

only the spirits
he drank released
them temporarily until
they became our demons too

--
April PAD - Poetic Asides Day 12: spirit

About face

Sometimes I think he's hiding
from the world.
But I think he thinks

he is protecting the world
and people around
him by hiding himself instead.

--

April PAD - Poetic Asides Day 9: ekphrastic

Black holes

I saw this hauntingly beautiful piece at the Portland Art Museum today and was absolutely struck by it; the hair, the ears, the neck, the shoulders look just like my son ... and the anguish just moved me nearly to tears. It's like someone took a psychic x-ray or the human I love most in the world and this is what they saw. Heartbreaking.

So, of course, I wrote about it ...


sometimes
I see death
when I look
into my son's face

there's
an anguish that
could kill him
clawing just below the

surface
of his skin
a zombie eating
his brain from inside

sometimes
i see the
look of anguish
as he claws at

life
begging to be
freed from the
killer inside, the black

hole
in his throat
that's so big
it chokes out life

---
April PAD Day 6 - ekphrastic

Socks don't suck

Lay in bed
Consider getting up
Cry if you feel like it
Acknowledge the anger
Stare at the ceiling
Remember what it was like
when she was still in bed next to you
Remember that she is now in
bed with someone else
Fight the numbness
Try to feel anything
Close your eyes
Consider staying here all day
Instead sit up and put on your socks
Walk down the hall
glad for the cushion against
the cold hardwoods in the morning

--

April PAD Day 21 - back to basics

Treading water

I carried you
held your head above water
when you were
drowning in misery

I drowned with you
unable to float us both
when the burden
you carried sunk
us both


--

April PAD Day 2 - voyage