Christian sex

Posted by Sappho on May 14th, 2005 filed in Sexuality

First, Lauren F. Winner (whose book Hugo reviewed recently) has an article on chastity in Christianity Today. Via Amy Welborn.

Second, I’ve been meaning to review The Marriage Bed, a site which figleaf recently reviewed (from a secular perspective).

Summary: Conservative Protestant take on married sex. Gay people will note that the site considers that sex belongs only in heterosexual marriage. Conservative Catholics will note that the reasoning is more based on a Protestant take on Biblical principles than on a Catholic understanding (which would include things like natural law and theology of the body), and therefore will draw lines in a different place. And progressive Christians will take exception to the site’s discussion of headship.

What I liked: The discussion of sexually explicit material – they find pornography problematic, but are clear that “sexually explicit material covers a broad spectrum of material,” and find some kinds of sexual explicitness OK. Since I’ve encountered people who, well, will describe an Andrew Greeley novel as pornographic, and likewise for any explicit discussion of condom use at all, I’m glad to see this site apparently taking a more moderate view. I also like that they have links to online shops that sell sexual material while avoiding using pornography. (Some of my secular readers would probably be more squicked out getting Bible verses with their sex toys than clicking past ads for porn – but there are, after all, plenty of online sex shops without a religious orientation.)

What I didn’t like: Their Sex Limits for Singles strikes me as way unrealistic about women’s sexuality. Remarks like

We think a major part of this is that most women really don’t want to be sexual before they marry. Sure, their bodies are pushing them for it, and they may get some pleasure out of it (although many do not), but most of them know deep down inside that it’s just not right.

and

Talk to 100 women who “messed around” before marriage a year after the wedding and at least 95% will say they wish they had not done it. In theory these women should be able to repent and go on, but in practice it usually results in guilt, resentment, and sexual difficulties.

are, sorry, in my observation just not true. Women have stronger sexual desires, and more satisfaction from sexual activity even outside marriage than this site is willing to acknowledge – and I don’t see how encouraging women who enjoy “messing around” before marriage to think they’re weird unwomanly freaks is all that helpful. Frank acknowledgement of what men’s and women’s desires actually are – even if you don’t want to act on all of them – seems better to me.

What was weird: It turns out that there are people promoting something called “Christian Domestic Discipline.” No, I don’t mean kinky BDSM among consenting married Christian couples – I mean something darker. The idea is that men are supposed to have authority to physically discipline their wives – yep, a Christian argument for wife-beating. I hasten to point out that The Marriage Bed opposes these practices – and good for them. I’m just creeped out that, in this day and age, the argument even has to be made.